This might sound dumb af to you guys, but I’ve been noticing it more and more lately. I get super anxious making small talk even with people I’ve known for literally all my life. Like chatting with a coworker at lunch or running into an old friend while grabbing coffee. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, I just feel this wave of nervous energy kick in and my brain starts scrambling for something “normal” to say.
What’s extra frustrating is that I can handle deep conversations just fine. If we’re talking about something real like I’m totally comfortable. But if someone goes, “How was your weekend?” I immediately freeze, or give the most painfully boring answer possible, then spiral afterward wondering if I sounded weird.
Like, this past weekend I did a few errands, caught up on laundry that I’ve been literally pushing away for the last 2 weeks and cleared out some old stuff I ended up selling online, but I still hesitated when someone asked me what I’d been up to. It’s like I assume no one actually wants to hear the real answer, so I end up second-guessing myself and giving some short, awkward reply instead.
Does anyone else deal with this? Is it a social anxiety thing? Am I just overthinking something most people don’t even notice?
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It’s just wild how much mental energy that kind of thing can take, and it’s really understandable that you’re feeling drained afterwards, honestly, I sometimes feel that way too, and then I just end up babbling incoherently, which is even worse, I swear, my husband just shakes his head and laughs, which is honestly kind of helpful, but also embarrassing.
My childhood neighbor and I were best friends growing up, we’ve known each other for 40+ years. We took different paths and while we haven’t been close for decades, we maintain a cordial relationship through social media and check in here and there.
I was at a store this past weekend and saw her about 15 feet from me while I was at the register. I turned and acted like I didn’t notice her and scurried out the door. I’m so awkward and I hate small talk.
Not sure if it is weird but I can definitely say that you’re not the only one who feels that way.
The reason why I get anxious over small talk is because I am pressuring myself to be perfect in engaging conversations. I also grew up hearing how people I have known judged others based on small talk, so it’s another thing…
I always wanted to be an extrovert and charismatic, but I ended up becoming extremely anxious. People didn’t like me. Just tolerated. And it felt off. So I stopped and decided just to give the shortest answer possible during small talks instead. Be a good listener which boosts the ego of others.
I have extreme social anxiety and I also have trouble having conversations with people I’ve known a long time if I haven’t seen them in a while (which is almost always because I don’t go out much)
It happens to me as well, especially if I run into someone from work in the grocery store or other out of work environment.
It’s hard to navigate because it’s a personal encounter, non work related, so I never know how friendly I need to be, or of I need to engage in a conversation or a small talk. Never know what to say..
Small talk kinda sucks. I get nervous that I’ll pick the wrong dialogue option like in a video game lmao but there’s no undo. 💀
I would say that it is a rather deeper issue than considering being something weird.
Ugh I hate small talk so much.
It is not weird that you feel uncomfortable pretending to care about nonsense. No one cares about the weather. We say it because we dont want to say the real things. I want to talk about my recent surgery or how weird spider goats are or about good stocks to invest in during a recession or whether time travel could ever be possible. But I dont trust this other person with my heart, so I say “It’s gonna be a warm one today!” And then they nod and smile and I walk away filled with anxiety because its all a facade. Its a lie. I have this whole person inside of me that is trapped in a cage, but when she leaks out, I dont get the reaction I want, so I keep her locked up and talk about the stupid weather. And its worse with people you know well. They are the ones who are supposed to know your heart the best. So when they toss you a “looks like rain,” it feels like a betrayal.
Might be neurodivergence
-someone who’s neurodivergent & knows this experience all too well