I had some girls aged 11-16 in my condo tell me they like the music I was listening, and ended up having a fun conversation in the hallway. At some point I asked if they wanted to come in for some tea and games if their parents were ok with it. The girls said they would love to.
I’m a 26yo woman with no kids and spend a lot of time alone since my fiancée works during the day and I work from home.
Thinking about it in retrospect I feel like I might have come off as weird, as a random adult befriending minors. They also might have thought that I’m younger than I am since I am so short and dress like a teen (especially when at home).
I’m not that worried about coming off as a bad person or a predator. However I am worried about seeming a immature person who’s unable to have friends their age.
At that point I was just thinking “dope, someone I can play my board games with” and kinda didn’t realise I was talking to kids. Am I overthinking now?
EDIT: Reading your answers was really interesting. I intended my word as a way to be a friendly neighbour, and carelessly threw out a courtesy invite to some kids. Even if I specified parents permission I might seem weird, especially if their family comes from a low trust society (which is something I don’t know).
I’ll simply stick to friendly chit chat in the hallways from now on, they’ll probably forget my invite.
If they ACTIVELY ask to hang out to play my board games I’ll make sure to speak directly to their parents.
Comments
Yeah, that’s kind of weird.
Did you talk to their parents?
As long as their parents have said it’s ok, I don’t see the harm? We as a society have lost and forgotten the meaning of community- which includes children. They need good role models and adults in their life.
Probably be a good idea to go meet their parents first. Tell them their kids expressed interest in coming to your place to hang out and play some games together and see how they feel about that.
I think you’re fine, would be a different story if you were a man tho. Its often good for kids to have an adult outside of direct family they can be around and talk to about things they wouldn’t want to around family
As others have stated already, it’s probably good to speak with their parents. I’d also go a step further and say be intentional about building a rapport with their family, too.
In general, it would be a very bad idea to maintain a friendship relationship with these children.
> I’m not that worried about coming off as a bad person or a predator.
You should worry about how this looks, because it can look real fucking bad, especially if somehow this relationship goes sideways or you get caught in the crossfire of teen angst.
I do work with a youth org and we have a very strict rule where under no circumstances is an adult allowed to interact with a child in the org (except their own) without at least one other adult in the interaction – even email correspondence must include either the parents or another adult.
This is primarily there to protect the children and discourage those with bad intentions from being involved in the org, but it also protects the adults too from being in a position where an accusation might be made or from looking like they’re doing something improper.
It’s fine. Humans are social creatures. Don’t try to have sex with them m
You mentioned a fiancé…assuming he is a man and you are not attracted to women/girls, there likely is not any issue as long as the parents’ are fully aware and supportive of their kids hanging out with you like that. It is crucial that YOU talk to their parents’ about it. Don’t just take the teens’ word for it because c’mon…kids lie.
People that age desperately need good role models! No harm in being one.
I’d just advise against trying to be cool and buying them alcohol, drugs, etc. Keep it wholesome!
I don’t think it’s weird but for everyone’s safety (including yours) perhaps move board games and tea to like….a lobby area somewhere there are other adults around. It’s just good to remember the buddy system when adults interact with kids. 2 adults at all times around kids and hanging in a public area keeps allegations from getting far.
Maybe, try taking to their parents. They might be glad of the break.
Yes definitely meet with the parents/caregivers! Just let them know “Hey your kids hang out at my place sometimes,my door is always open etc”
As a parent to this age group, I would be concerned for my kids. You’d have to wonder what a 26 year old is getting from a friendship with children. I’d suggest keeping it to common area meet ups, play a boardgame on the porch or something perhaps and only once you’ve cleared it with parents.
next time you see them ask to meet their parents, possibly get their numbers, and make sure they always know when and where you’re hanging out with their kids. nothing is weird so long as the parents know what you’re doing, otherwise anything can and will be used against you.
i think it’s important for young people to have healthy, supportive, adult relationships and role models. it makes it less difficult for them to get groomed or taken advantage of by more suspicious adults later on if they know what a normal relationship with an adult should be like.
kids crave the attention and approval as adults a lot of the time, and want to be seen as mature.
if dependable adults are willing to bond with children, then that makes it harder for the less dependable ones to step up and say “no one wants to be your friend? well, why not!? you seem so mature for your age…”
People won’t see it as weird since you’re a woman
I’d meet the parents. Make sure the kids don’t have allergies or anything.
You’re a good soul OP, it’s sad that you have to ask this question, but I get it. I really do
lucky you’re a woman
Not odd. My friends and I always thought the new teacher at school was so cool and so fun and always wanted to hang out in her classroom.
Just hang out outside or in a common area from now on. You can make tea and bring snacks, but bring it to a public location.
As a parent, I would be concerned if I found out my kid was spending time with another adult (man or woman) without my knowledge. It’s just common sense to notify their parents regardless of gender. Plus you have a fiancée which adds another factor into the mix.
It’s fine and to those kids you’re basically 40 anyway. All adults are 40 when you’re a kid.
Yes it is
Speak with the parents. Be honest with your young friends that there are times you might have to speak to their parents about things they may say to you. Assure them that you do this to look out for their interests. Be responsible.
It’s not weird as long as you don’t make it weird. Someday those kids will be grown up and they will remember you with fondness.
Yeh its weird.
Make sure their parents are aware of what’s going on. If they’re fine with it, then go for it.
What do you mean if it’s weird that a 26 year old is hanging out with teens ? You know damm well the answer, of course it’s weird.
Not necessarily.
I actually used to go outside to smoke in my old place because you couldn’t smoke indoors.
I ended up becoming friends with this adorable Asian family. The parents hardly had energy to keep up with their kids, so I’d play with them. We’d play football(soccer for you, North Americans) and just hang out in the front yard.
The parents were comfortable with me, and they’d cook me food and give me stuff all the time (being a broke student).
It worked out cause they all stayed in a 1 bedroom place, so the parents got some alone time when the kids were with me playing.
You can’t exactly befriend these kids, but you can absolutely be a mentor or a “big sister,” you know what I mean?
Depends.
Outside US;
Men: Not strange
Women: Not strange
Inside USA;
Men: Pedophile
Women: not strange
I always thought it was strange that America acts so strange about it
The age gap is just about right for you to fit into the “cool aunt” niche, which can be a pretty healthy way for kids to get out of their comfort zone (in a completely innocent way!), and is a perfectly reasonable interaction for an adult to want to have.
As everybody else has mentioned, though, talk to the parents yourself — make sure there are no misunderstandings.
It’s sad, but I would never put myself in that position. All it takes is for one of them to make up one thing and your life is potentially ruined.
I glanced over the title and for a second thought you were a male. That would’ve changed my outlook honestly.
As far as the parents are concerned, at this point you are a random stranger and exactly what is meant by the term “stranger danger.” Do you really think that 100% of all 26 years old women are “safe?” May I introduce you to social media—a place filled with very unsafe 20-something men AND women.
Become a trusted family friend first. For now, you are definitely “vibeing” as that weird lady that wants to hang out with underage children.
Just chat with the parents. It could be seen as a little weird, so you’ll have to navigate that. There’s nothing wrong with it though. I befriended a bunch of kids when I had a husky and used to walk her at the park near my house. I was known as Shadows owner and the kids loved chatting with me as I walked. Hell, I even rescued two of the kids I recognised from a man who stole their scooter. My dog stayed with the kids when I went to get it back, my dog would not let the guy near the kids again. I’d never seen her bare her teeth at a person before. Only time I ever saw her do it apart from the time some random guy wouldn’t leave me alone at night in the park. We went home asap when she gave me the out because the guy backed off. She was a good dog.
My husband and I knew an older lady who lived next door to us, we would cook for each other or help out with stuff. Her grand babies moved in with her about year after her getting to know us. Of course that meant we were “friends” with the kids. We played games with the kids and whatnot but always outside or at their apartment. I don’t think we had them over inside our apartment, beside the one time they wanted to see our newborn, but their grandma was with them the whole time.
I dont think it’s werid to be friends, but I would keep it in sight of other ppl if not their parents. All it would take is one person to accuse you of doing shit for it to get bad quick.
If you were a man, would you think it is weird? I think you have your answer.
That being said, it needs to be done in the proper way. Meet and greet with their parents, go from there.
I don’t think there’s any problem with that- as long as you meet the parents first and befriend them too! Humans are social creatures, but we’re losing a lot of that sense of neighborhood community in the modern age. The phrase “It takes a village” didn’t come from nowhere, after all.
I think it should be more normal.
If I were to spend time with them I might try to make it with the parents as well.
Because they shame men for doing that.
Definitely make an acquaintance-ship with the parents first. After that, I don’t see any problems. I wish more people enjoyed time with kids. My daughters friends are always coming over and hanging over here, they consider me the “cool Mom,” but it’s just bc I enjoy their presence and appreciate them!
I don’t know……In todays day and age, I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where someone else might perceive it as weird or inappropriate, as innocent as it may actually be. Personally, I recommend finding friends of your own age or at a minimum adult age…
Yh I don’t think it’s a good idea, try play the games in public for your safety and theirs. Ask the parents first…
Growing up as a kid, hanging out with adults was very normal. Even more so when they were neighbors. This post and all the concern shown in the comments has made me sad.
Truly a time lost.
And I don’t think you are immature. Kids aren’t used to lots of rules and preconceptions we adults have. They are discovering new things, have doubts about things that are so obvious to us, are curious. It’s funny playing games, watching cartoons and talking. I feel so curious about how it is growing in a world with internet and smartphones since you were born. I work with a lot of adults that are absolutely insufferable but I’m also not a children fan haha I love dogs.
Nah, nothing wrong with being friends with them, just meet their parents. Obviously keep it appropriate, stay outside and don’t let yourself get into a weird situation; like finding yourself alone with them.
Long as the parents are cool with them chillin with you on your stoop or something, can’t see anything wrong with it.
I personally don’t find it strange. People have younger siblings. I hung out with my older sisters friends. I’d also be excited if I had someone to play board games with.
I don’t think it’s weird at all, just make sure to be a good role model to them and obviously keep things appropriate.
Play the board games outside if you can
That falls under neighborhood rules. Growing up you would hang out with all different ages and social groups in the neighborhood that you wouldn’t otherwise associate with. Of course it was the late 70s and kids actually went outside, but every night in the summer the street would be a bunch of kids from 4th grade to seniors playing games. Kickball, flashlight tag, Ringo Leavio, kick the can etc
This doesn’t seem weird to me, but then again I met one of my good friends when she was 12 and I was early-mid 20’s. We were the only two active people at the barn I was leasing my horse from and so we became friends and rode together…and that sort of age gap between friends is actually a really normal thing at barns. Her mom loves me and when I run into the mom around town she gives me a big hug. The “kid” is in her early 20s now and we still chat and hang out periodically.
So, no, I don’t think it’s weird to have the same interests as another human, even if they are a small human, just make sure to get a parent involved, too 🙂
For everyone saying that its NOT weird…..It may not be weird to you, but it IS absolutely weird and inappropriate to SOMEONE and thats all it takes to get a knock on your door from local law enforcement. Now its probably innocent in this case, but do you really want your whole life analyzed and turned upside down and potentially be labeled as a creepy predator, because someone else took notice and decided to make a call to the local Law Enforcement? And that has the potential to be a life ruining event.
No, used to hang out with my neighbor in his 30’s. We would sit on the curb outside and he would tell me stories about being a roadie for bands when he was younger and he worked for Ticket Master so he would get me and my friends good tickets to shows. I ended up being a sound engineer when I got older.
I would check with the parents to make sure it’s okay but otherwise I don’t see any problems with it. There are things you can get when you are younger from older people younger people can’t give you. For instance he is a big part of the reason why when I had a chance to go backstage at a ZZTop concert but knew Ted Nugent concert and they wouldn’t let one of my guy friends back with me I turned down the offer. He warned me about what goes in backstage and a heads up on some of the bands to avoid. The guys I were with were encouraging me to go have fun and they would wait for me.
It’s good to have older friends.
This really hit a nerve with me. What happened in our world that one must be cautious in befriending and being kind to strangers, if they are minors. Well, I know what happened… and why, but it is too bad our kindness instincts are put aside for fear of being accused of wrongdoing.
We have 11 year old neighbour girls, my wife and I met their parents and we have become sort of grandparents to the girls. Genuine love, but we are careful that we are never alone with the girls because one never knows what one might be accused of. It hurts that such a concern is ever present in today’s world, but it is reality.
Am I over-reacting, is it just me or do others have similar concerns.
Tbh if you were a dude the parents would freak out, but as a 26 F i dont think either the kids or the parents are gonna feel like you are being creepy, but yeh maybe talk to the parents first.
i swear i saw this series on netflix.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it- if there were the Big Brothers/Big Sister’s program wouldn’t be a thing. It’s nice for teens to have an adult role model who isn’t as old as their parents to talk to about stuff. It’s kind of sad that a few bad apples have made it hard for well meaning adults to be friends with teenagers.
I would definitely talk to their moms and give the moms your phone number so that they won’t feel as awkward having their kids come by your apartment.
When I was 8-10 years old, I forced my old neighbors to be friends with me. Lol. I would go to their home and ask to play with their dogs, after a while they had activities for me to do there too. It’s not like my home life was bad, it was just boring. The neighbors offered different perspectives on life. My parents were okay with it.
I would not be comfortable with this as a parent
It’s not really weird per se, but parents and some third parties can get extremely (and, frankly, justifiably) paranoid, so, for everyone’s peace of mind, make sure you guys meet in a public space, with parents around if at all possible.
I feel it would also help if you told them the reason why you appreciate the kid’s company and kept them appraised at all times when the kid shows up.
Again, theres nothing weird per se, children are nice and, as many works of arts say, are raised by the town more often than not, but it will help the parents be a lot more comfortable. Make sure to also stablish a relationship with the parents, even if for the sake of the kid.
I used to be friends with an older lady when I was young. She was nice. My mother was insanely paranoid. Nothing ever happened, I have fond memories of her.
Are there no public spaces at your complex? If there’s a community room or patio, that’d be the the place to hang, watch TV (like a movie night if there’s a TV room), have tea, play board games, at least until you have a chance to get to know their parents.
Hate the world we live in requires questions like this to be asked and answered. There’s ZERO wrong with being nice to your neighbors, regardless of age, race, sex etc. As others have said maybe move to a more visible place for tea with the kids but please don’t feel guilty about being nice…
I’m a parent of girls, agreed I would be uncomfortable in this setting, but also acknowledge how incredibly stupid it is to have to ask if it’s okay to give neighborhood kids snacks and drinks..
I think I would talk to the parents first. To make sure everyone is clear on the situation.
You are a neighbour so it is not like you are just some random stranger. It is good for kids to know their neighbours and know they can go to you if you need help or anything. (especially as they are at the age their their parent are probably letting them stay home alone).
You might want to start with inviting the entire family over for dinner or something so the parents can get to know you.
No, as long as the parents are involved. Especially a teenager, yes they are a kid still but we are just bigger kids at 26.
They would have probably raised an eyebrow if you were a man, but i see no issues with your situation
Sounds like a nice neighbor thing to do. My kiddo hangs out with a neighbor too and it’s always been a welcomed thing for us.