Basically the title. Me (M24) and my girlfriend (23F) have been together for a year and a half, and for the last 8 months our sex life has gradually slowed down. Now we only have sex maybe once every 2 weeks. It used to be 6+ times a week. I miss that. I’ve tried talking to her about it but it doesn’t really do much. I feel like I take all of her criticisms and work on them, and I try really hard to make everything enjoyable for her, but it feels like nothing works. Honestly I feel like this just isn’t something she cares about. It just hurts because it feels like everything else is fine in our relationship, but this area is just destined to struggle. I don’t know what to do anymore
Comments
There’s a whole subreddit dedicated to dead bedrooms.
If there’s been discussion and no change you have every right to end a relationship over something that’s important to you. Especially if you’re worried about it now, how are you gonna feel in 20 years.
You can end a relationship over whatever you want.
I get it’s a sensitive matter but there’s too little info here to draw a true conclusion. You can end a relationship for any reason I suppose. Maybe it’s fixable though.
Maybe, maybe not. This is an awesome time for clear, straightforward, adult conversation between the two of you. Find out why she isn’t interested in bopping the bologna with you. Be prepared, it may be a you problem.
Everyone has individual cases, but I just wanted to say that some external factors can kill libido. And we don’t know what is your case. I know that if your partner has a chronic stress, she will not think of sex because the tension kills the play, and you need to be on a playful mood to want sex. If she has hormonal issues, she may have decreased libido. Or, simply, you don’t organise an environment for her to want you – sex happens way before the intercourse and women get turned on when their partner treats them nicely. For example, if my partner snaps at me or is ignoring me all day – I don’t want him that night.
I have stayed in multiple relationships too long because i felt like shit breaking up over sex. If its not to your liking, talk about it and if there doesnt seem to be a way for both parties to be happy, youre better off ending the relationship and both moving on to find people youre more compatible with. It hurts like a bitch my dude, but youll be better for it
No. It’s not wrong. You may have different expectations and desires. Talk it out. If there’s no compromise to be made, you have to decide if you want to live with how it is.
Do whatever feels right to you Some people value sex in relationships more than others and thats okay.
Ive been in a relationship before and we only had sex maybe once every month or so and it was totally fine for us
I had the exact situation with a girlfriend once; my counselor at the time said do you want to have this going on for the next 20 years? I had to admit that I did not. She also said the hardest thing to deal with with couples was disparate sex drive.
What exactly does she say when you tell her?
I would try to talk to her first and come up with a schedule that works. It doesn’t work for everyone and it doesn’t mean there won’t be spontaneous sex from time to time but if you guys agree to certain days that work for both of you it’s almost something to get through work and all the bullshit for and you look forward to it. Me and my wife both work opposite shifts but have set days and times where we make sure we are emotionally and physically available and it’s not something we let anyone or anything come between it’s our time.
Sexual incompatibility is a common cause cited in divorce, so no, it’s not wrong. Life is short.
Bro talk and communicate. And yes sexual compatibility is a bit one.
OP: My girlfriend and I only have sex once every 2 weeks!
Marriage: Hold my beer!
No, it’s 100% right.
No.
You can break up with anyone for anything.
But I do think you’re going to have a hard time finding a partner/ relationship where sex 6+ times a week is ALWAYS sustainable. That’s nearly everyday in the week. There are going to be high/ low times. Especially if you plan on kids in your future.
I’m not saying any of that to shame you, but I do think you should be more realistic.
lol wait until your married, what a joke.
I don’t believe there’s really a wrong reason to end a relationship — if you’re not feeling it, for whatever reason, it’s best for everyone that you part ways.
Bro get out.
It doesn’t matter. You can end a relationship for any reason. Doesn’t matter how small it is. All that matters is that you don’t want the relationship anymore.
You can end a relationship for any reason or no reason at all
You can end a relationship because you woke up today and are tired of dealing with it. Don’t even need a reason.
No. Sex is everything
Life is complicated
So are people
Intimacy is an expectation in most relationships
Absolutely not! If you’re partner isn’t what you want then they’re not for you.
IMO some people are meant to be friends, some people are meant to be bedmates, very few are both. I would personally ask if she needs something else from sex and tell her you want to sleep with new people, but keep her as a friend.
My 3 year relationship ended over no sex life… like zilch, nada, none, ever even once. 😕
Turns out, it is actually important for a lot of people, even if you love each other and even if you’ve been together for a long while
Run, before you start posting in r/deadbedroom
Now you know what marriage is like for a lot of men.
It’s not wrong, it’s just honest. If sex is important to you and it’s become a one-sided desert with no sign of rain, you’re allowed to bounce.
First rule out any medical reason.
Nope. It is not wrong. If more frequent sex is your priority. No need to suffer with incompatibility.
But you should check if a medical condition is causing it.
As a 29f who went through a sexless relationship; no. Do not feel bad at all. You should both be wanting each other just as strongly as the other does. If there’s already no sex, I hate to say it, but I’m almost certain that there will eventually be cheating on (at least) one side. Shit, early to mid 20s? I know people in their 60’s who can’t get enough of their spouses and have never even thought about anyone else in that way. I just can’t imagine it going very far at the very young age you’re at, of course unless you’re both asexual. And this is coming from someone who can easily go years without (just like I currently am, I haven’t clicked with anyone on that level in years and don’t like having many partners). Sex isn’t everything in a relationship; but I’d be lying (and anyone else) if I said it wasn’t one of the main parts in a relationship, and for many different reasons.
If everything else is great, I’d at least try to work on it.
16 year relationship here, (started in my teens, and now in 30s) and we’ve had periods where there was lots, periods where each of us wanted it more than the other, we’ve had periods where no one was interested in sex, and times when we are both happy for just now and then.
Ebbs and flows over the years, and I believe that’s normal.
What I’m saying is, say you leave because of lack of sex, then the next person has a high drive that also tapers off….where does that leave you? Constantly chasing a new relationship, in the “honeymoon” phase where its almost every night then leave when it inevitably becomes less frequent.
maybe go to a sex therapist or have a serious conversation about it and try to find a medium like maybe bjs in between?
Is she honest to you about why the change? I ask because in my experience, as a divorced woman of my age, it took time to realize that I had no desire for someone I didn’t feel safe with. I had all the responsibility for our lives, and I got no help, let alone respect.
Can you put any thought into what your part in this change might be? I think there is always two sides to an issue.
Def not wrong, redditor. In my case, not so long ago I literally had the same story as you like 3 years ago with my girlfriend. 4-year relationship. Tried my hardest to please her. I got sex like 3 times in 6 months.
Tried to ease her workload since she was in university at the time a.- and still, nothing.
Started to feel lonely, so I put all my energy into the gym. Got kind of in shape.
Started to get attention. She somehow noticed. But the bedroom issue didn’t improve.
I started thinking I could do better, so I left her. She cried. I did too, silently. Tried to move on —
but she started reaching out again. We got back together after like an 8-month break.
She began texting me every day — sending memes, sweet texts. One day I was horny, and we had sex like never before. The only thing that changed was that, at that point, I was happy just treating it like a sex-only date.
She said sorry — she didn’t mean to hurt me, blah blah. So I gave her one last chance — because of course, she’s beautiful and I still loved her. Now, here’s the funny part: We’ve been back together for 2 years now. We do the deed a minimum of 5 times a week. The only change? I act way more masculine now, and maybe it’s the fact that she saw I was capable of leaving. Maybe she started to fear losing me.
Whatever it was — Sex is now 10/10.
In the last two years, I only got a ‘not today’ once — and that was because she was sick.
If you stay in this relationship be prepared for a dead bedroom. Make your choice now, before you marry her.
Of course not.
probably depends on whether both of you are dissatisfied with that – if you are you might look into counseling, and there’s heaps of sex educational books out there too that may help talk about these issues and find new perspectives. I’d recommend Emily Nagoski. Additionally, if the 2 of you have different sex drive levels: Have you ever considered consensual non-monogamy?
All that being said, you can always decide to end a relationship. But if you are attached to the relationship apart from the sexual part, it may be worth looking into these options. Sex usually gets less frequent with time in longer relationships and so you may face these issues again with another partner. I don’t believe that longterm couples cannot have a fulfilling or frequent sex life, only that in the first months you’re biologically programmed to have a sex rush and so you never really have to put in any effort to make your sex life beautiful. Luckily (because you’d never get to experience anything but sex otherwise) the hormone rush dissipates again and then, there you are. There’s ways to deal with that together though. So it may be nice to work on it together before you throw out the relationship only to have the same issues in the next one? Either way, best of luck and happiness for you.
Not wrong at all. The only exception for me would be health issues.
Leave, just leave. She doesn’t care about you or she’s banging someone else
Get outta there! Sounds like the special kind of hell! If you were doing it 6+ times a week then I assume you would have based your decision to be exclusive to her with that being one of the fundamental things taken into account. You both set the bar on that, and as such she should fundamentally still want to do it say 3-6 times a week with you these days too, or at least give you your side of the satisfaction if she opts out of hers. This, unless you both mutually happen to not be in the mood for some time as these things swing in ebs and flows too but there should still be a decent synchronicity in that as well. Not her dropping the ball totally and you having no say in the matter. If there is something preventing her from being able to do any of that or not wanting to then she needs to communicate that with you as you already tried to instigate it. Perhaps one last try to fix things and if no joy then break up.