This has been weighing on me for a while, and I’m not sure if it’s just me – but I’ve noticed that when plans get canceled, I often feel more relieved than disappointed. It’s not that I don’t love the people in my life or value my relationships – I really do. I enjoy good conversations, catching up over dinner, and just being around people I care about. But for some reason, the idea of socializing often feels more draining than fulfilling, especially when the day of the event actually rolls around.
Sometimes it’s the mental effort of getting ready, sometimes it’s the pressure to be “on,” and sometimes I just want to do absolutely nothing after a long week. And when someone cancels – especially last-minute – I get this quiet wave of relief. Like I’ve been handed permission to rest, guilt-free. But then the guilt just shows up in another form. I’ll catch myself thinking, “Why did I feel happy about that?” or “What kind of friend am I if I was hoping for plans to fall through?”
The weirdest part is that this can even happen when I’m the one who made the plans in the first place. I had a small win recently – wrapped up a big project early and unexpectedly had some free time. Instead of feeling excited to go out and celebrate or meet up with friends, I found myself hoping that someone would text me to cancel so I could just stay home in my sweatpants.
I guess I’m trying to figure out where the line is between being socially tired and being antisocial. Is this just introvert burnout? Is it okay to crave quiet over connection sometimes, even if it means feeling like I’ve let people down?