Just got out of a long term relationship. It was abusive.
I’m trying to turn to my friends for support, but many have abandoned me. One of them told me it was because I was overwhelming them, just by asking how they were doing. I may be asking too often, as my ex used to make me dig for any kind of information due to communication problems, but I can’t be sure. I think I’m just being friendly.
My entire life people have told me I’m being too much, too loud, too annoying etc. so I’ve taken steps to reduce myself.
But now I feel lonely, unlovable, and abandoned. I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel like I have a support system anymore. I hate feeling like I have to hide parts of myself.
I’ve given all of my friends space (i.e. I’m no longer texting them/initiating plans). Is this the “normal” amount of communication I’m supposed to have with my friends? I used to get so excited to see them. Now I just get scared.
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You’re in an awkward place right now. You’ve noticed that who your friends seem to want you to be isn’t the same as who you enjoy being. Rather than making yourself miserable trying to be someone you’re not, focus on your own growth and healing from that abusive relationship you got out of, and being your authentic self without shame. If friends stay, that means they like you for you, and that’s awesome. If they drift away, they weren’t the right friends for you.
The more you get out in the world as your authentic self, the more opportunities you present for people who like the qualities you possess to notice you and want to be friends with you. You may be lonely short-term, but it’s better than feeling like you have to be fake to have friends. Your people are out there. Go find them!
Life can feel lonely when you’re surrounded by the wrong people. It doesn’t help that it’s hard as hell to make new friends today too. But there are people who will care if you look in the right places
I’m going to recommend two apps: “Meetup” and “Timeleft.” The former is like a platonic dating app based on mutual interests and activities, while the latter makes shared dinner reservations for random strangers.
Both are a great way to make new friends. Unless your behavior is objectively inappropriate, you shouldn’t have to change who you are to enjoy companionship. Communicate with new people about where you are in life and you might just find some who are in a similar boat.
Yes. But, get out and join groups. It’s so hard to find friends when you are out of school. But I found a great way to find people like me. I joined a political group, educational, and attend community meetings. (There are way funner groups too!!) This is just what I’m interested in and I feel like I’m doing something good. Meeting my friends has been an extra benefit.
You’re not too much you’ve just been around people who were too little. Being excited to talk to your friends isn’t a flaw. It’s a beautiful part of you. Don’t let emotionally unavailable people convince you that your warmth is a burden. hugs for you
“I don’t wanna live no more
Sometimes I hear death knocking at my front door
I’m living everyday like a hustle
Another drug to juggle, another day, another struggle
I know how it feels to wake up fucked up
Pockets broke as hell, another rock to sell
People look at you like you’re the user
Selling drugs to all the losers mad Buddha abuser
But they don’t know about the stress-filled day
Baby on the way, mad bills to pay”
Loneliness often comes when there is a void that you try and try to fill but you don’t seem to succeed. What I usually do during these kind of times is thinking what I really wanted to do now and just do it. There are times when I just want to go ahead and get a coffee and a sweet treat (and just do it) little things combined can give you enough dopamine to actually be more optimistic and excited.
Its not that your too loud too annoying its your timing and how you make people feel. Its subtle. If your an outside thinker and too expressive without filter then that can be annoying. You perhaps need to work on picking on your social cues. And be more aware of others feelings and listen more to know when its appropriate to be loud or only talk about yourself. This is a skill you pick up with age. So no life isnt always lonely but you have to grow.
I’m in a similar place with my life. His unbacked claims for change hurt too much. And I’ve been made to be as quiet as I can manage. At times I would be loud, but I never had been told I was too much emotionally until him. Maybe this too will pass. Maybe he’s actually trying this time. It just all feels so unreal anymore.. reach out if you want, I’m pretty much free to talk anytime.
You need new better friends. Fk those overwhelmed snowflakes. Fund your people.
There is a certain level of peace you can find in solace. It sounds to me like you’re having trouble loving yourself and need others affection to feel value. Love can come from so many places including yourself.
You’ve been hurt, you need to heal. Give yourself time and remember you’re worth it and take care of yourself. You’ll get more out of every relationship in your life
It’s lonely, long miserable, and meaningless. The only comfort I have is knowing that one day I’ll be dead and won’t have to be sad anymore.
be who you truly are so you can attract people like yourself . If you don’t be yourself you will attract phoney friends and you will never enjoy being with them. I was lonely for 5years because i preferred being myself rather than hiding myself to just have friends. And be kind to yourself and have patience there are people like you who will absolutely love the way you are you just haven’t discovered them yet.
I hate to be the downer, but yes, is that lonely, but that’s what makes those times you aren’t so special. I think life is just one big run of a show and to me it sounds like your at the part where the plot twists l think you’ll have new friends, new connections and new love interest but you just have to give it time. The last serious relationship I had was two years ago but as a man I was told that the trauma and the abuse I went through was my fault and I hated that and tbh it made me never want to get in a relationship again. Although it was lonely, I had a lot of time to learn what I liked and what I didn’t, and it helped me become a better person. Give yourself some time to heal. Don’t go sleeping around or get in another relationship tight away. Just take some time to get to know yourself. Take a hike, go backpacking, go shopping, and play through a backlog of video games, but just do something to keep yourself occupied till you’re ready to face that trauma and heal it. The fact is your life will never be the same and that’s the beautiful thing is that it will change and it will change for the betterment of you. Learn to love and care for yourself and heal, then find some friends with some of the same interests. Once you have a group, try to reconnect, but be the best version of yourself. Don’t be who people want you to be. Life is lonely, but you will make it through it, and it will be 100 times better than we were you were. You just have to find yourself.
One thing you need to consider is how often you are contacting your friends now vs how often you were contacting them when you were in the relationship.
I’ve had some friends who disappear when they are in a relationship and expect a lot of attention when they aren’t in a relationship.
Friendship is a two way relationship that requires care to maintain. If you didn’t keep up the care while you were “offline” it can be overwhelming when you come back with only needs.
My suggestion is to try to make additional friends and then try to re integrate with your original group as you get things back under control.
Good luck. You’ve got this.