I (24M) have been thinking a lot about what makes a relationship work, and I wanted to start a discussion from a straight guy’s perspective. It seems like a lot of people jump into things without a real game plan, and others are too scared to even try.
So, here’s my take on how to approach a relationship with your eyes wide open.
Know Your Core Values (And Theirs)
Before anything else, you need to understand your own non-negotiables—your “value system.” I’m talking about the bedrock stuff like honesty, trust, and communication. These should be the same for everyone, regardless of gender. They’re the foundation everything else is built on.
The Straight Guy Perspective: What Drives Us
Let me be real about the male lens for a second. On the surface, a lot of us are motivated by physical attraction and a deep mental connection. To put it plainly: sex and love—that need to feel seen and valued by a woman.
But here’s the crucial part: that’s just the surface level. It’s a small piece of a huge, complex puzzle. Those core values I mentioned earlier are what actually keep the engine running.
People Change—Including You
We’re all selfish by nature, and we change every single day. Every choice we make, big or small, shapes who we are. The person you are today isn’t the same person you were last year. This is why going into a relationship requires an understanding of these nuances. You’re not signing up for a static person; you’re signing up for someone who is constantly evolving.
Doing Your “Due Diligence”
This is where I might sound a bit cold, but stick with me. To truly gauge the risk of a relationship, you have to be willing to look at a person’s past. I’m talking about their relationship history, their childhood, their family dynamics, and their mental health.
Why? Because this history is the best indicator you have to answer the real question: Is this person worth the immense investment of your time, heart, and effort? Is the whole amalgamation of love, desire, and security you’re building with them a smart risk?
The Beautiful Paradox
TL/DR: After all this talk about risk assessment and core values, here’s my final piece of advice: Do it anyway.
Even with all the preparation in the world, a relationship can still fail. There are no guarantees. But that’s the paradox. Even though it’s a risk, putting your heart on the line is one of the most beautiful experiences you can have.
What do you all think? Are we overcomplicating things, or is this just being smart?