I’ve (F23) been with my boyfriend (M26) for almost a year, and I’ve started to feel concerned about his drinking habits. Before we met, I drank maybe twice a month—just socially, with food or friends. Now it’s more like twice a week, which is fine, but I still don’t drink to get drunk.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, almost always drinks to the point of being drunk. He rarely stops at just one or two. It usually starts with a beer, then moves to vodka, wine, etc., and keeps going until late at night. He only stops when I say I want to go to bed.
Last week he got drunk four nights in a row. A lot of it is tied to social stuff—watching football at bars with friends—but even after the game ends, he keeps drinking. He’s not aggressive or mean when he drinks (he’s actually really sweet), but it feels like he doesn’t have an “off” switch.
I’m worried—not just about his health, but about what this might mean long-term. It feels like he drinks to his limit every time, and I’m not sure if that’s normal or if it’s something I should bring up.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I talk to him about this without sounding like I’m trying to control him?
TL;DR: My boyfriend drinks to the point of getting drunk almost every time, even multiple nights a week. I’m worried about his health and wondering how to talk to him about it without seeming controlling
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Yeah. Around the age where that’s still somewhat normalized, but definitely alcoholic behavior.
Maybe talk to him about it a few times and make sure he understands you’re serious about wanting him to cut back.
Yes. I’d say he is. Proof in the matter is whether you have expressed concern and he has refused to reduce his drinking. No amount of alcohol is healthy but a drink or two a day has long been considered okay. Drinking every night until you are drunk and where it affects your life and those around you….
Now, what do you do about this?
That very much sounds like alcoholism yes.
You need to bring it up with him – this isn’t being controlling, it’s about his health and lifestyle. Express your concern and explain it’s out of love, not a desire to change him. Hopefully he’ll understand.That very much sounds like alcoholism yes.
You need to bring it up with him – this isn’t being controlling, it’s about his health and lifestyle. Express your concern and explain it’s out of love, not a desire to change him. Hopefully he’ll understand.
It sounds like he is at a cusp of a growing binge drinking problem that could easily turn into more serious form of alcoholism. Not to say it’s not already serious, but it could certainly be worse. This behavior is exactly how my partner slowly spiraled into becoming an alcoholic over the years, this is how a lot of people get started down that path to destruction.
He’ll likely tell you it’s not serious, and all his friends are doing it, but that’s because drinking is deeply culturally accepted, advertised, promoted. If he can’t casually have just a drink and stop, or not drink at all after making a commitment not to, it’s not normal.
If he’s driving home from the bar all these nights, that’s a huge problem as well. Bringing it up from a place of love and concern is the right thing to do, just be prepared to hear it’s nothing to worry about. Good luck – and check out the AlAnon subreddit if you need support!
Yeah… He’s an alcoholic in the making for sure. Take this from a 38 or maybe I’m 39 alcoholic. I drink everyday (not really proud of it).. But the best thing you can do is talk with him. Every problem in a relationship is better done together…
As conecnerd as you may be it is important to remember trying to punish hum for it can reinforce it as a source of relief as it sounds like he’s doing it to cope with something he struggles to deal with sober so just be soft with him about it.
If someone is your partner there should be almost nothing that’s off limits for discussion.
Yes. He has a problem. Now you need to decide what you will do. I recommend Al-anon. It’s a group for families/loved ones of alcoholics. Good luck.
Yes, he’s an alcoholic or will be sooner rather than later. Pretty sure there are online tests he can take to confirm. It’s a strong addiction though and will fight every step of the way to keep him drinking. So if you push he’ll get defensive and at some point will lie about his consumption or start hiding it. Because the compulsion it usually requires hitting a few bottoms to even want to TRY to get sober, loss of relationships, loss of jobs, loss of property, family, etc. He’s at the beginning stages of this process, unfortunately. It’s a long road, unfortunately. I agree with the poster who told you to check out Alanon. What you don’t want to do is enable him.
I was your BF at that age too. My mom is an alcoholic and I thought that I wasn’t mean or getting into fights, so it was okay.
Looking back, yeah I had a drinking problem. My BF at the time, now husband, also was drinking to excess. We talked about it, how we wanted to change, the fears we had and we made changes.
The hardest part was losing friends because they didn’t like we don’t drink. We were cool with being around drinking after a few months of sobriety but they only wanted to drink and didn’t wany anyone around who didn’t.
My advice is to look into Al-Anon for family/friends. Learn how to support him and even confront him about his drinking. It helps you not be an enabler and actually support him, if he also wants to tone it down or stop.