I (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been going out since September. I broke up with him in December (which lasted maybe 3 days)and March (which lasted maybe 2-3 weeks). Early in our relationship he had a lot of anger, control, and trust issues. He would constantly ask/accuse me of cheating. Those were the main reasons I broke up with him. He’s gotten a lot better recently though. I don’t have social media (which he prefers) but he is pretty active on instagram and especially snapchat. He has a lot of girl on snap which never really bothered me. For reference, he had over 400 girls add him when we broke up in December.
Here’s the situation I’m faced with currently. The first time I asked to see his phone, which was probably around February, he didn’t let me. His reasoning was that he didn’t want me looking through chats with his guy friends because they made jokes i wouldn’t like. I brushed it off. He looks through my phone probably weekly and I don’t question him. The other day, the same thing happened when i asked him, except this time he let me look through it but he was shaking the whole time. He admitted that he let girls flirt with him while we were broken up in March. I let it go even though we both knew we would be getting back together. Tonight we were taking pictures using snap and out of curiosity I looked at the saved photos between one of his female friends (he said i could do this). He previously told me this friend lives far away and is a lesbian. They’ve called at night time before and he told me they were just playing video games. Immediately I saw a shirtless picture he sent (the same one he’s sent me) and she had saved from a month ago. I’m assuming he sent it when we were broken up. He didn’t tell me flirted with girls, just let them flirt. I looked in the chat and saw she had just asked him “what are you doing;)”. Absolutely could mean nothing. I asked him if I could look through his phone, and he wouldn’t let me until I told him why. He’s never said that before. Eventually he said I could look through his phone as long as I didn’t look at his chats with the girl above because “we make jokes you wouldn’t like”. I didn’t tell him I already looked. I don’t know what to think. Am I just overthinking?
TLDR: While we were on a break, my boyfriend sent a shirtless picture to one of his “lesbian friends” which she saved in chat. He specifically asked me not to check their messages or photos because I would find “jokes I wouldn’t like”.
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Personally I think he is over the fact of how he’s accused you of cheating and also the fact of how he doesn’t want you to go through some messages even though he does the same to your phone from what I’ve read. I think him preferring you don’t have socials is so incase someone wanted to reach out to you to say things about what he’s done they won’t be able to. And it is weird for him to send a shirtless picture to anybody where their a lesbian or not which seems like a cover up for something he’s hiding idk, but over all from the information you’ve given it seems like a highly chance that he might be. I’m sorry if he is.
I only needed to read the first paragraph.
LEAVE!!
Your boyfriend cheating on you is the least of your problems right now. The amount of red flags you used in just in your opening paragraph makes me wonder if you’re colourblind.
Why are you even giving him any time or attention. You need to leave… yesterday. Go find someone better for you.
I don’t know if he’s cheating, but he sounds insufferable.
He’s constantly accusing you of cheating, and goes through your phone, but hides his own phone.
This could be projection (assuming you’re cheating because he’s cheating), or it could be “just” crippling insecurity. But there aren’t any positive reasons for it.