Is my boyfriend TA for not returning the crystal glassware to his ex, years after their divorce was finalized?

r/

Throw away account because I’m just needing some second opinions. And for the record my boyfriend is fine with me posting this here, and has been back and forth about this so he thought it would be interesting to bring it to Reddit.

My boyfriend Jake was previously married to woman named Lauren. Their divorce was finalized years ago, and the division of their belongings was settled at that time. One of the items involved was a set of crystal glassware that had been gifted to them during their marriage (we don’t know exactly who it came from just that it was a wedding gift).

At the time of the divorce, Lauren and Jake agreed she would keep 6 of the glasses and he would keep 4. It felt fair and mutual, and there was no drama about it then. That agreement has stood for years.

Now, out of nowhere, Lauren is reaching out saying she wants the entire set of glassware back and is acting like Jake has done something wrong by keeping part of it. This wasn’t something that was unclear or left hanging. This was already sorted and agreed upon long ago. It honestly feels like she’s trying to reignite conflict just to keep things going, even over small items that were long since settled.

Jake wants to return the crystal just to appease Lauren as he doesn’t really like confrontation. This also isn’t the first time she’s changed her mind about something they decided Jake would keep in the divorce. When ask my opinion I told Jake I feel if he does this won’t be the end of it. That Lauren will keep finding other things to get back from him. Other than that I’ve kept out of it and told him it’s his decision in the end.

So… would Jake be TA for not giving Lauren the rest of the crystal glassware?

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Backup of the post’s body: Throw away account because I’m just needing some second opinions. And for the record my boyfriend is fine with me posting this here, and has been back and forth about this so he thought it would be interesting to bring it to Reddit.

    My boyfriend Jake was previously married to woman named Lauren. Their divorce was finalized years ago, and the division of their belongings was settled at that time. One of the items involved was a set of crystal glassware that had been gifted to them during their marriage (we don’t know exactly who it came from just that it was a wedding gift).

    At the time of the divorce, Lauren and Jake agreed she would keep 6 of the glasses and he would keep 4. It felt fair and mutual, and there was no drama about it then. That agreement has stood for years.

    Now, out of nowhere, Lauren is reaching out saying she wants the entire set of glassware back and is acting like Jake has done something wrong by keeping part of it. This wasn’t something that was unclear or left hanging. This was already sorted and agreed upon long ago. It honestly feels like she’s trying to reignite conflict just to keep things going, even over small items that were long since settled.

    Jake wants to return the crystal just to appease Lauren as he doesn’t really like confrontation. This also isn’t the first time she’s changed her mind about something they decided Jake would keep in the divorce. When ask my opinion I told Jake I feel if he does this won’t be the end of it. That Lauren will keep finding other things to get back from him. Other than that I’ve kept out of it and told him it’s his decision in the end.

    So… would Jake be TA for not giving Lauren the rest of the crystal glassware?

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  3. softshoulder313 Avatar

    NTA. They had an agreement. Ex agreed to it.

    Too bad she regrets it now.

  4. simplyexistingnow Avatar

    NTA. How does she even know he still has them? Also why is still taking calls from his ex-wife? Do they have kids together or something

  5. Knickers1978 Avatar

    So, what is the complete set worth to sell?

  6. stop_spam_calls Avatar

    She’s using it as a reason to contact your ex. If they dont have kids, yall should block her and move on.

  7. jasperjamboree Avatar

    It’s technically his glassware set agreed from the divorce, so if he feels like he wants to give it to her, then that’s his choice.

    Your opinion about her wanting to keep pushing to get things back from him is still valid. Although what I’m concerned more about is why is your bf is still communicating with his ex? Does he have children with her? Is there any logical reason for her to keep reaching out to him? If there’s no reason, then he has the option of just blocking her.

  8. Unlucky-Captain1431 Avatar

    “All broken now, try replacements ltd.”

  9. msDoom_n_Gloom Avatar

    I think this is between him and his ex.

  10. CaterpillarKey7485 Avatar

    If you want to look at this as an optimist, the ex has a pretty – but incomplete – set of glasses. She tried to buy more, but they were discontinued. So she reached out to someone she knows who has some. Does he like the glasses? If he doesn’t care, then give her the glasses and move on.

  11. HotspurJr Avatar

    Jake is not the asshole for sticking to the letter of the agreement.

    On the other hand, a healthy relationship between exes would mean they could be flexible about stuff like this. Obviously you can always fall back to the letter of the law but if he doesn’t care about the glasses, holding onto them as a matter of principle might not be the best idea.

    If he does care about them, use them, then it’s an easy no.

  12. FranceBrun Avatar
    1. There’s nothing you can’t find in the internet. Use Google lens and inform Lauren where she can get herself four more.

    2. It’s 2025. What is she, my grandma? The governor of your State? What does she need a specific set of glasses? Hasn’t she heard of HomeGoods?

  13. zanne54 Avatar

    Are there kids/coparenting involved?

    No? Ignore, and block.

    Yes? Are the glasses worth the fight? Might just be easier to give them/sell them to her, and while doing so make it clear this is the ONLY time he will entertain such a request.

  14. sirlanse Avatar

    mail her a box of broken glass

  15. PleatherWeather Avatar

    I don’t see any reason why he needs to respond to her

  16. witchbrew7 Avatar

    While it’s not fair according to their agreement, it really has nothing to do with you.

  17. Senior_Performer_387 Avatar

    NTA. They have an agreement. Do they have kids together? Because if not, there is no good reason he can’t just block her and be done with it

  18. ACM915 Avatar

    She probably wants it to have a complete set. Once she realized she didn’t have a big enough set. She probably tried to go on eBay or other sources to find it but it’s probably not available anymore. All of that is her problem and I wouldn’t make it either of yours. Honestly, he just needs to block her on his phone and social media. There should be zero reason for them to have any interaction at all.

  19. Lopsided-Bad-941 Avatar

    Just mind your business save yourself the time

  20. chickadeedadee2185 Avatar

    She needs to back off

  21. springflowers68 Avatar

    Not an AH but neither is she for asking. If he does not care about the glasses it would be kind to give them to her. I don’t see why you care or what the big deal is.

  22. chez2202 Avatar

    No he isn’t the AH.

    The agreement was that she got 6 and he got 4.

    She has broken some of hers. That’s why she’s asking him for his. There’s no other reason. Seriously.

  23. Longjumping-Fox5521 Avatar

    She can just go to Goodwill and get crystal there. 😂 Almost no one cares about crystal glass anymore and it (mostly) isn’t valuable. Even things like Waterford glass. Husbund should act like he donated it long ago and doesn’t even have it anymore unless you guys already told her you still have it for some reason. I can’t believe she assumed he would even have it still after years.

  24. Spygirl_112358 Avatar

    I think this is Jake’s call. And not sure this is a hill worth dying on whatever the decision is.

  25. loricomments Avatar

    NTA. And he could easily solve this by blocking or muting her and her nonsense.

  26. DrPudy808 Avatar

    NTA. Tell him to keep the glasses and block the X. Btw, I assume they don’t have kids together so there’s zero reason for them to be in contact. He should have blocked her long ago.

  27. MidLifeEducation Avatar

    I can see your point about her coming back in the future for more… But they are glasses. There are bigger hills as the saying goes

  28. Ruthless_Bunny Avatar

    People are actually expending energy around bar ware?

    This isn’t about glasses

  29. OrganicMix3499 Avatar

    NTA. Does he like and use the glasses? If not, offer to sell them to her. This will keep the prior property split equal.

  30. datcoolbloke Avatar

    She just wants an uninterrupted line of communication, even if it’s negative. It won’t end there. Even though your boyfriend is non-confrontational, he should be more assertive this tone she set some ground rules and consequences if those boundaries are pushed.

  31. BestConfidence1560 Avatar

    Jake needs to grow a spine.

    It’s very simple “ no. We had an agreement I got four glasses. I have no desire whatsoever to even discuss this.”.

    Then he shut her down. If she calls, he sends it to voicemail. If she texts, he ignores it.

    And maybe he needs to see if Therapist and learned that sometimes in life you do have to have confrontation. And appeasing bullies never ends well.

  32. Worldly-Passion-412 Avatar

    It’s not a family heirloom. She doesn’t get to change her kind. Unless there’s kids he needs to block her

  33. Spinnerofyarn Avatar

    NTA. They’re divorced. They made an agreement back then and at this point, any regrets she has are her problem, not his. You’re right in that it won’t be the end of it. At this point, assuming they don’t have kids and no reason to communicate, I’d just block her if I were him.

  34. I_am_aware_of_you Avatar

    Is there a reason as to why they are still communicating???

    If there are no kids involved. Block the number and let her be on her own. He has moved on.

  35. Inner-Confidence99 Avatar

    Tell her the glasses broke. Nothing to return. 

  36. LovedAJackass Avatar

    Why is he even talking to her about this?

  37. Minkiemink Avatar

    Just give her the glasses. What a silly thing to fight over. Who cares about 4 glasses? The next time she brings anything up, you can say, “we already gave you the glasses, we’re done here.”

  38. Mueryk Avatar

    NTA if there are no kids involved make like Casper

    Be friendly and all but ghost her.

    There is no reason to engage, respond or even care.

    IF kids are involved…….get a court appointed app for contact and ONLY use that. Only response to anything…..is this in regards to the kids? No? Then there is no point discussing it.

    Repeat as often as needed until you have enough evidence of harassment and take her back to court.

  39. Justforfun7022 Avatar

    YTA (op, not Jake). I’d be willing to bet the ex-wife knows exactly who gave them the crystal. Also betting the ex knows if it’s actually lead crystal or glass. Butt out and let Jake handle this as he wishes.

  40. That-Shop-6736 Avatar

    Ex broke some of her glasses.

  41. Dadbod911 Avatar

    Make her buy them

  42. BigBanyak22 Avatar

    NTA. But does he really care about the 4 glasses? Can’t he block her number? I’d arrange a pickup time, leave them outside and move on with life.

  43. JanieLily Avatar

    I collect glass goblets/wine glasses and similar items. Mostly vintage but some from the last 10 years if I like the glass. Replacements are out there, she may not want to pay the asking price or even bother looking for them. Easier to bother your boyfriend than to look.

    A quick google lens search on the glasses she has will show where you can tell you what they are and will show some online sources of where to get replacements. She doesn’t even need to use google lens. Etsy, eBay, or just a simple internet search and bam, 4 replacement glasses. Easy.

    So he has a few choices:
    Tell her to google lens, do some research and find her own glasses, then tell her to fuck off and block her.
    Tell her to fuck off and block her.
    Give her the glasses then tell her to fuck off and block her.
    Sell her the glasses then tell her to fuck off and block her.
    Tell her to call her lawyer to call your boyfriend’s lawyer so then your boyfriend’s lawyer can tell her lawyer to fuck off. Also, block her.

    No matter what, this nonsense needs to stop and she can fuck off. If fucking off is not possible, eating shit is on the table.

  44. AdventureThink Avatar

    I would give them to her just to have her energy gone.

  45. DecafMadeMeDoIt Avatar

    If they aren’t children, is there any need to ever be in touch? Business is closed, seat’s taken, move on.

  46. Internal-Ad-8025 Avatar

    He could tell her, “One of the benefits of a finalized divorce is never having to communicate with you ever again.” Then block her. I’ll be damned if I’m forced to start talking to an ex-spouse over stemware!!

  47. Thatsnotreallytrue Avatar

    He can sell them to her.

  48. taewongun1895 Avatar

    Tell her she can buy them, plus a service fee of $75. NTA. It, tell her she can sue for them. I hope your bf still has the divorce decree.

  49. Realistic-Lake5897 Avatar

    Why won’t you answer the question as to whether these two share kids?

  50. EchidnaFit8786 Avatar

    It’s not about crystal glassware. She’s trying to keep communication going. She probably started missing him or realized she fucked up a good thing. Either way, her contacting him won’t end with him giving her the glassware. He needs to simply block her on everything & be done.

  51. KelsarLabs Avatar

    Oh good grief. Mail them to her, in pieces.

  52. Dry_Ask5493 Avatar

    NTA. I would offer to sell them to her especially if he doesn’t use them.

  53. MissyGrayGray Avatar

    He should get out the divorce decree and highlight the items that they both agreed they each were to receive.

    Include a note that says: The property listed in the decree has been distributed in accordance with the enclosed divorce decree. Therefore, I consider this matter closed. Please do not contact me again with regards to this.

  54. Kitchen-Witch-1987 Avatar

    NTA

    Keep it. You are right she will just keep asking for things just to keep annoying you both. Or if you don’t like it donate to a thrift store and tell her that you did it. hehehe

  55. No-Part-6248 Avatar

    The stupidity of four glasses ,, pack them and mail don’t person to person and a note enjoy the glasses but from here on in please stick to the original legal division,,,,, and be done with it

  56. FreeGazaToday Avatar

    if their divorce was finalized years ago and division of belongings settled then, why are they still talking? Unless they have children or looking to get back together again, why doesn’t he just cut her out of his life and BLOCK her number?

    There’s more here than meets the eye, I’d be careful being in a relationship with someone who has clearly not ‘finalized’ his divorce.

  57. dublos Avatar

    INFO: When the division of belongings were settled on, was it via mutual agreement, or was it acrimonious enough that the division of belonging was actually made a part of the divorce decree?

  58. MamaBear4485 Avatar

    I will happily gift these items to you upon your notarised signature to the following: “I accept this gift upon condition that this gift signifies a complete and final settlement of the divorce between myself and <<Mr Joe Bloggs>> that was ratified on <<date>>. I will make no further claims, requests or other contact with Mr and Mrs Joe Bloggs or any members of their immediate and extended families.

    I also accept that provision of the items listed in this agreement is in excess of said settlement which was fully and fairly settled in compliance with the divorce settlement dated <<date>> and that there are no other outstanding obligations due by either party.

    My signature to this document makes me whole and I agree that no further claims are unsettled or otherwise due to me.

    I further decree that I will make no further claims, requests or other contact in regards to property or assets of Mr and Mrs Joe Bloggs or their immediate and extended families, companies or other assets.

    Signed this day <<date>>
    By X
    Notarised by <<>>

  59. Hey-Just-Saying Avatar

    If you all don’t use the glasses, why not give them to her to complete the set? Otherwise, just tell her no because you use them. Tell her to go to Replacements.com for additional glasses.

  60. R0ck3tSc13nc3 Avatar

    NTA

    Unless there is kids involved or unfinished financial business, I’d encourage your boyfriend to just block the Ex

  61. Different_Guess_5407 Avatar

    NTA in the slightest – from what you said this 4/6 split was written in their separation agreement which she agreed to. So tough luck for her.

  62. camlaw63 Avatar

    No, but it’s none of your business, and this is not about the glasses

  63. Tinpot_creos Avatar

    It’s his choice but if he doesn’t block, ignore or shut down these interactions then your BF is showing you that he is ok with his EX contacting him and treating him like a doormat. If that’s who you want to be with m, then that is fine. If not, then you need to have a conversation with him about your boundaries and the kind of life you would like to have together

  64. Regular-Situation-33 Avatar

    Tell BF that its a great idea to send them back, and you’ll handle it.

    Send the glasswear back, in a box, via UPS. Make sure not to use newspapers, or bubble wrap. Just throw them in a plain, empty box. Tape all the seams, so the delivery people don’t get cut, and then she’ll have her goddamned glasses back.

  65. EducationalSugar1551 Avatar

    Divorce agreement is a court order. By giving her back what she lost as a result of the court settlement is a breach of the court order. She’ll start with the small things and eventually go for big things. Where’s the line?

  66. Alone-Firefighter283 Avatar

    Just say no. The agreement is the agreement. Don’t entertain any conversation.

  67. pompanodoe Avatar

    Why are you so dang wrapped up in this? Let HIM deal with it. Butt out.

  68. NoSummer1345 Avatar

    You should stay out of it.

  69. k0binator Avatar

    Just tell her they broke and then block her.

  70. TheNinjaPixie Avatar

    This isn’t about the glasses.

  71. Snowybird60 Avatar

    NTA If this glassware was expensive crystal it sounds like she might have found out what the complete set is worth. If I were you, I would google it and see. If it’s worth some good money, I would text her back and tell her if she wants the remaining four its going to cost her “x” amount $ to buy them from him.

  72. Lanky_Mycologist9255 Avatar

    NTA. The agreement was made, settled, and years have passed. Lauren’s sudden change of heart isn’t Jake’s problem. He shouldn’t have to appease her endless demands

  73. Significant-Koala-1 Avatar

    Nah, not the asshole. Divorce terms were set, she just wants control back. Today it’s crystal, tomorrow it’s your couch. Tell him to keep the glasses and the backbone.

  74. Illustrious-Let-3600 Avatar

    NTA. Lauren has heard Jake is happy with his life and has moved on. Ex’s are strange. Even if the divorce was mutual and said ex has someone else, they sometimes like to know they have control. Or they wanted the divorce, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, and they are pissed the option to return is removed. Plus Lauren knows Jake upgraded in a big way and is mad. Don’t return the glasses. She had years to make arrangements. Lauren could have done the following:

    1. Arranged to get said glasses
    2. Had a friend or family pick them up
    3. Taken Jake to court if he didn’t comply.

    Lauren didn’t. She just wants to be a pest. Jake needs to block her number, ex her out of his life and know in your heart you got under her skin so that has to feel good. Anyway, tell him to be grateful he got away from her when he did. They could still be married and they could have had kids. (😱😱😱).

  75. bopperbopper Avatar

    Good lord what is he gonna do with Crystal glassware and let her have it who cares.

  76. Deep_Effect4900 Avatar

    My guess – Lauren found out he was dating someone, and wanted to punish him, so is causing drama over nothing.

    Courier her the glasses to her and then block her. She’s a Drama Llama, so if you don’t block her, then she’ll keep creating reasons to fuck with you guys.

  77. mykidzrcats Avatar

    You mean she wants him to return the 4 glasses that were broken years ago? What a shame.

  78. Lisa_Knows_Best Avatar

    Jake needs to block Lauren and be done with her BS. Why is he still taking calls from her? Unless they share a child there is zero reason for any interaction. 

  79. MyWibblings Avatar

    Tell her she can purchase it from him for (set a reasonable price)

  80. Even_Neighborhood_73 Avatar

    Just tell her it went to the charity shop years ago…

  81. PrestigiousFace6756 Avatar

    NTA and if they don’t have kids together he should just block her number.

  82. SureExternal4778 Avatar

    If he doesn’t return the crystal hta it is part of a set. No reason to keep it unless he misses her and wants the reminder of their wedding day.