My boyfriend of 4 months is super into taking pictures of himself and social media. I was married to a guy like this before and it’s honestly a turn off for me. My ex husband also cheated on me via Instagram which started with a shift of excessive selfies and gym pics so you could say I have weird boundaries about it now. Hes a sweet guy who I feel genuinely cares for me but I’m just not one to care about social media or taking selfies like he is. I’m 27 and he’s 29… is this a normal thing nowadays? I was married for 6 years so honestly I need more feedback from others but I’m too embarrassed to tell me friends.
Is my boyfriend vain?
r/Advice
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it’s normal I would say. i think because of past experiences you are overthinking this.
do you have other reasons to believe he’s cheating? does he know how you were cheated on before?
I guess it depends on what you mean by him being “super into” it. How often is he posting these things?
Bottom line if you’re not cool with it, then he’s not the guy for you.
It’s completely valid to feel uneasy when social media becomes a red flag after past experiences. If your boyfriend’s selfies remind you of the boundaries crossed by your ex, it’s more than just a little annoyance; it’s a sign that something deeper needs addressing.
It’s not him, it’s your insecurities from your past relationships. You need to deal with those and not subject this guy, who you describe as sweet and caring, to the flaws of the men you chose to be with in the past.
It’s him. He’s vain. He should be focused on getting the bag idc lol
Is he gay? Maybe try it yourself, lest he learn his ways
We often repeat our past mistakes to see if maybe we can fix them this time
I feel that if you are questioning this, give yourself the freedom to be you for a bit. You are young and true love will always find its way.
I wouldn’t trust any dude who is like that
I don’t think this is normal per se – there are definitely guys out there who don’t do this. I think you have to set aside your past and decide if you want to be with someone who cares a great deal about external opinions and physical appearance. Let’s say you get married and have kids. You gain some weight and are no longer instagram perfect – what would he do? What if your kids arent “perfect”? Just something to think about before moving forward and paying attention to how he engages. If he can’t leave his phone aside for a date night or if he spends too much time setting up the perfect shot, those things could be deal breakers, especially if they trigger past trauma for you.
Firstly do you genuinely feel uncomfortable about social media selfies? Or is it just PTSD from your cheated now ex-husband?
Secondly yes I do agree with you. Men who are obsessed with their selfies, appearace are shallow and weird. Girls are okay whatever, I do enjoy watching girls’ selfies on Instagram.
Is he out going? I feel sometimes outgoing people do this for validation. I have a guy friend who does it constantly and so does his sister. He’s in his late 30s and she’s in her late 40s. It’s hard to say if he’s ready doing it for validation. I think your feelings about it are valid. It triggers you. Maybe find a way to work around this trigger, unless he gives you other reasons to think he’s cheating
I’m a daily gym goer in this age range, also in a relationship, and I am, frankly, pretty jacked -I would pretty much never post pictures of myself in that way unless I was trying to get attention. The occasional progress pic or video of a feat of strength maybe.
Does he talk about himself a lot? Does he only half listen when you talk about your day? Does he take more time in the bathroom than you? Does he have to look at himself in the mirror a lot? If you answer yes to 3 of the 4, then he is vain.
I’ve been married for 22 years so the social media thing I don’t know (this and YouTube is as far as it goes) but the selfie thing I see pretty much everyone doing it so I think that it’s pretty normal.
hes not doing anything wrong…
You Should tell him the truth and take it from there
I personally would find the constant selfies a red flag – your attracted to a certain personality type – and becoming aware of it
You know what to do – yes he is vain -and you do not really know him yet
Ditch him.
Yes he is vain. Regular dudes don’t post that many pictures of themselves
How many selfies does one need to take?
It’s totally valid to feel uneasy, especially given your past. Some people are just into social media, but your feelings matter too. It’s okay to talk to him about what makes you uncomfortable, it’s not about control, it’s about feeling safe. 💛
Red flag. Is he posting these pictures for his female followers to see? My husband takes a selfie every now and then like 4x in a year to track his fitness progress but he doesn’t have social media and doesn’t post them anywhere. I used to have trust issues and don’t understand why a man needs to follow multiple girl gym fitness accounts. I get childhood friends but random ones?
It’s a huge turnoff when women do that too.
It’s normal to feel off about it, especially with your past. He might just like social media, but if it bothers you, it’s okay to bring it up. The right guy will understand.
I can’t stand the person that needs to post pictures of themselves on whatever social media constantly It’s a sickness. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s actually beyond vain.
Do you really think, in most normal cases anyway. Anyone gives a fuck? Only the person posting.
It can be because he’s very confident, maybe very insecure or it can mean nothing other than I felt like showing this. If there were loads of shirtless pics that’s one thing or loadsss of new regular selfies (like every few days for weeks) I’d be like wtf (can’t lie I’m biased but I do find this a bit weird for a guy) but generally it’s harmless I think honestly.
If the sexes were reversed, everyone would be bashing the guy for being too insecure and controlling.
Looks like you have a type…