Last year I dated a friend for two months. At 39 I was his first ever relationship of any kind. I broke it off because I felt he was too passive in the relationship and way to reserved about his feelings, which resulted in me losing interest.
After we broke up he insisted we remain friends, which I’m ok with. Has he still got feelings? I don’t know, he never mentions them, it’s like we never dated. But we go for a stroll a couple times a week and we chat. We never talked this much before we dated, and I’m finding things about him that I don’t know that I like.
Just today I was talking about a reel I’d watched which related to the male loneliness epidemic. He said he’d never heard that term. I explained it along the lines of, “more women are giving up on men because they don’t rely on men to support them financially, and most men nowadays are emotionally stunted and unable to provide the type of love women crave, and so women are building these fulfilling relationships with other women while men, who traditionally relied on women to fulfill their social needs, are now feeling left alone and struggling with their mental health”.
(I’m open to being corrected if my interpretation of the term isn’t accurate.)
He said that was actually false and the truth is that men are fed up with women and women are in fact suffering from not getting enough attention from men, which also goes to explain why women are more widely diagnosed with depression and other mental disorders.
The conversation was cut short because we ran into a friend at that point. But I’ve been thinking about it all day. I keep wondering if he’s just clueless or actually dangerous. He’s never felt dangerous to me – while we dated, he asked for consent at a rate that actually bordered on annoying, and for the most part his reddest flag is that he seems terrified of disagreement (as an example, he’s expressed fringe conservative views in the past, until I told him that I’m a leftist – he now expresses the same views, but calls himself a leftist too.)
In his relationship with me, first as a boyfriend and now as a platonic friend, he’s always been supportive and respectful. We have friends in common and he’s known for being reliable, kind, and honest. It’s like what he does contradicts what he says? Should I be worried that he seems to spouse misogynistic views?
Comments
I dont think what he does contradicts what he says because plenty of men dont like women in general but can be kind to women in their personal life.
He sounds crazy tho
If you were Black and found out he had racist views, what would you do?
There are two kinds of men. The ones are overtly misogynistic and the ones who are more insidious about it. It’s the secret sleepers who are the most dangerous because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable around them. I don’t think it’s possible to be a male raised in this society and not have some misogynistic characteristics and opinions. This is why I ask a ton of questions on dates and listen very carefully to the answers.
This guy is watching that sort of content for sure. They all are when they spout stuff like that. They also all say they are left-wing and then eventually you find out that was 20 years ago and now they want to stop the boats.
He also has 39 years of resentment against women, if he’s never had a gf until now. I dont know this guy but I have met and dated a lot of people like him. I think I had a soft spot for them once but no more. Give him the benefit of the doubt if your gut tells you he’s OK. But be ready for him to try and get in your pants again, and get passive aggressive if you so much as look at another guy while he is your friend.