Is my LTR between my boyfriend (28M) and I (24F) salvageable?

**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend and I have acknowledged that our connection is less strong than it used to be. Some things he said make me wonder if the relationship isn't already over. Is my relationship salvageable?

I (24F) have been in a relationship with my partner (28M) for over 5 years. We live together and have built a life. He makes me laugh, and I love being with him, but things have been different in the past year, and we finally acknowledged it.

For context, I work a very demanding job requiring a lot of time investment and short notice work. Meanwhile, my partner is still in school and is in quite a bit of debt (this is relevant later), so I cover a lot of our major expenses (namely rent, vet bills, emergencies, etc.).

Over the past two or so years, we’ve been really bad at planning dates and going out together. The times that we have talked about it, we often turned to finances as the reason why, making plans for when we have money and disposable income. But this increasingly feels like a cop out, especially as I would often propose free or cheap date ideas that he wouldn’t be up for.

We’ve been fighting a lot more. Small, little issues escalate and become big blowouts, and this past week was rock bottom. We had a dumb argument about sharing kitchen space. No mean words were ever exchanged, but we both escalated it in tone and by storming out of the kitchen when we got too frustrated. When he left for work, I found myself sobbing into the carpet, feeling like something had finally broke. I was so overwhelmed that I texted him to ask if he wanted to break up and he assured me he didn’t but that we needed to have a long talk about our communication and why this pattern keeps happening.

I pulled myself together and went to work. Mid-way through the day, I got a message from him which was a lengthy letter that he wrote on the Notes app. It expressed how hurt this cycle was making him, how he deemed it important to address now before continuing to build a life together (a family), but also how in his mind, the main issue was how I picked fights without warning or care for how I talked to him.

I took time to think and wrote him a letter back, which expressed things from my perspective, which is how I feel like we have both lost a bit of patience for the other and that our connection is lacking. When we eventually had a long deep talk that night, he agreed with the connection issue. We started to explore why that could be and he said it’s because our interactions are “junk domestic interactions” and that we don’t prioritize quality over quantity. He said we both need to make an effort to put our best foot forward for the other person.

This is where my heart really broke, because I told him that I felt like I have been doing that. I feel a measure of guilt about how much I work and the whole finances question, so I really try to make sure I’m proposing activities and showing interest in his hobbies. So I told him that I felt like I do try. After a few seconds of thought, he said he agreed that I was the main try-er and that sometimes he found it off-putting. He said he felt like it was inauthentic at times and just generally that you can’t keep desiring a person that you don’t believe would ever leave you in a million years, would ever walk away. I’m not remembering the words exactly. I’m sure it was worded nicer than this, but this feeling was the takeaway. And when I said that I felt like he didn’t ask me about my passions much, he asked me what my passions were outside of work. This also really hurt, as I have been struggling with a sense of unfulfillment for a while. I keep telling myself I’m young, and it’s normal to be confused, but his question (though sincere) cut really deep.

At first, I felt optimistic about our conversation, because it felt like a good sign that we could open up this much. But as time passes, I wonder whether we’re just keeping something alive that is already dying. I love him very much and can easily picture the rest of my life with him. But I’m starting to wonder if he feels the same way. Is my relationship salvageable?