QUESTION FOR WOMEM
- I (M27) have several (F20-30s) women I hang out with in my free time, like my friends’ girlfriends, female friends of friends. We talk and hang out together with no issues but I wouldc all them quasi-friends or acquaitnances rather than close friends.
- When I make a close friend with a woman, I inevitably catch feelings for her. I tried assessing if I unconsciouly seek that level of closeness only with attractive women but it doesn’t seem to be the case.
- I’m very sensittive to rejection, as such when I get rejected ina close friendship i need to distance myself due to the hurt. For this reason, I don’t have close female friends. I only have female quasi-friend in my social circle I hang out with and, of course, female acquaintances from shared activities.
- I wanted to know if my lack of close female friendships for these reasosn made me sexist.
TL;DR I know many women, some with whom I hang out and some who share my activities in my free time but they are more like quasi-friends or acquaintances. When I form a close friendshp with a woman, I catch romantic feelings and for this reason I don’t have close female friends. I wanted to know if this made me sexist.
Comments
“When I make a close friend with a woman, I inevitably catch feelings for her.”
So you’re incapable of being good friends with anyone the female sex? And your question is whether or not that is sexist?
A lot of guys deal with the problem ‘when I try to make female friends I inevitably catch feelings’.
I am of the belief this is because women get emotional support from friends, family, and their romantic partner. While men only go to their romantic partner for emotional support. So when you make a female friend and you start receiving emotional support from them it kinda blurs some lines and you feel like you’re receiving mixed messages when it’s just emotional support. You start seeing them in a romantic light because that’s where you’re comfortable getting emotional support from.
I would like to normalize men getting emotional support from friends and family the same as women. I just think it’s healthier and when you’re single you feel less alone cause you still have some form of emotional support.
I think this is also why men don’t do well being single and often lose their minds if they’re perpetually single. I think it’s why women are more comfortable not dating and may be a reason why tinder is made up of a 75% male population.
If you just didn’t happen to have any close female friends, then no. I don’t have any close male friends.
But the fact that you don’t have them because you end up developing romantic feelings for them is extremely weird. It makes me feel that you are approaching these women with that intention (consciously or not) or that you have no idea how to talk to women unless you’re trying to get into their pants. Neither of those things is good.
No, it isn’t sexist. You’re attracted to women, it’s the laws of nature.
Some questions to think about and reflect on. You don’t need to answer them but they’re something to think about as you process what other people are saying and your own feelings:
Are you catching truly romantic feelings for each woman, or are you just feeling closeness, love, respect, and camaraderie and it feels like something greater than that? What does platonic love for your male friends feel like to you? Do you tell your male friends you love and care about them? Sometimes platonic love can feel romantic at moments. What separates romantic love from platonic in your mind?
If you are experiencing truly romantic feelings with each and every woman friend, does that mean you need to act on them? Need to end the friendship over them? Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone and continue just being a good friend without it destroying you? Will the romantic feelings fade over time? Can you control your actions around women you have romantic thoughts around? Do romantic feelings always need to expressed?
Sexist? Really? Cmon now.
I’ll be honest in that I see a man with no female friends and I see it as a red flag. It shows me that you can’t see any value in a woman as a friend (ie a person), it suggests all women boil down to their sexual potential with you. I have dated men with no female friends and they have treated me the worst by a huge margin. I’m not saying there cant be exceptions, this is just my lived experience.