Is my mom being a toxic mother in law. I’m not the husband, I’m his sister. If the answer is yes, what can I do to help this situation. She got triggered because of this:
- My sister in law’s baby was crying.
- She told sister in law “My baby is so sad, come here let me hold the child” and wore the baby carrier without asking my SIL first.
- My SIL refused. She knew the baby was just crying because it was getting hot and told her “Oh mom I can’t let you hold her right now, we’re about to go upstairs since we’re leaving to get groceries anyway”
For some reason, my mom got offended by this. She ranted to me saying that her tone was off and she “could tell when a person was annoyed”. She also said that there’s something about her attitude that’s nasty.
My brother went to confront her about this and asked her upfront if she got offended, and she replied with “Who told you I was offended? I don’t know about you.” in a sarcastic and dismissive tone.
Worst of all, she said that they’re only after her money and her feelings doesn’t matter at all. To add context to this, my brother did get SIL pregnant early- he’s still in college but graduating next year. While I understand why she said that, I still don’t get why she has to do all this passive aggressive nonesense.
I just think it’s insane honestly. My SIL literally knows what’s best for her child and my mother keeps inserting herself- wanting my brother and SIL to follow what she says constantly.
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Yes, she is being toxic. Push back – you can her there was nothing wrong with SIL’s tone, if SIL was annoyed she had every right to be, and just because SIL isn’t doing what your mom wants with HER OWN BABY, that’s not “nasty.” And I’d do that in the moment AND if your mom is ranting later.
you need to be communicating all of this with your brother and his wife. she needs to learn you’re not a safe place for her vitriol.
Yep, sounds like a classic toxic MIL. She’s got her own issues, probably feeling replaced or irrelevant now that her baby boy’s grown and having kids of his own. She’s lashing out because she’s not the center of attention anymore. As her daughter, you can’t “fix” her, but you can set boundaries and support your SIL and bro. Just be prepared for more drama.
I agree, she’s being a jnmil. You should push back against it for your SIL and brother’s sake. Your mom could easily end up with very little contact with your niece.