Hello,
F30 in a relationship with an M36 for 5 months. My background: two long-term relationships of five and four years before him, with a two-year break between each. His background: a few one-night stands and two long-term relationships of five and three years. His first long-term relationship was with a girl he describes as adorable and very healthy, and he is still on friendly terms with her (they broke up in 2020). He let the relationship fizzle out because he was bored and felt “lukewarm” about his commitment to her. His second long-term relationship was super weird, and he doesn’t like to talk about it much. It was a very toxic long-distance thing where he saw the person once every two or three months, and it ended badly, with blocked social media accounts and all that. Nevertheless, he also says that it was a “passionate and symbiotic” relationship where he was “ready to do anything for her,” but he often describes the person as being totally toxic and seems to have bitter memories of it.
Our relationship got off to a flying start, so much so that I thought it was love bombing at first. The sex was and is intense and passionate, something I’ve never known/experienced before—and I think I can say that it’s the same for him, that kind of osmosis, you can feel it when it’s mutual. At first, we were supposed to be one-night stands or casual hookups, but when we finally met up, we ended up spending the weekend together, falling asleep while cuddling, and then it happened again. We spent all our weekends together, plus evenings during the week, going to restaurants, movies, exhibitions, etc. Being a bit reckless, we even made the crazy bet to go to Argentina for three weeks after four months, even though we barely knew each other (I should point out that we didn’t know each other at all before sleeping together, even though we were part of the same circle of more or less distant acquaintances). It went extremely well.
Nowadays, I practically live at his place: I sometimes spend whole weeks there, we telework together, we go to the gym together and set ourselves common goals, we cook, we have our well-established “domestic” routine, lots of affection, cuddles. His friends and family know I exist, even though I’ve never met them. He likes to make me happy by giving me lots of gifts. We also quickly confided in each other about extremely personal and profound things (from the second date, to be honest).
We’ve never talked about the status of our relationship per se because I think we’re both a little overwhelmed by events and the “getting to know each other” aspect quickly became intertwined with the “routine of a couple who have known each other forever” aspect. Perhaps there’s even a lack of perspective, let’s say. The only thing we talked about explicitly was exclusivity, but for him, it was obvious from the start.
He acknowledged that our relationship seemed very healthy to him and that I was doing him a lot of good, especially at an age when he needs to make concrete progress in his life—and I know that when he says that, he’s contrasting it with his previous relationship. We have a few disagreements, but we resolve them by talking calmly.
My concern is this: it’s probably silly to say, but despite our almost immaculate connection and the fact that he feels good with me, I’m afraid he doesn’t love me as passionately as he loved his “toxic” ex. Since he was “lukewarm” for five years with a girl who was like me, I’m afraid that subconsciously, he is only attracted to and “ready to commit” to women with whom he can have a very intense and passionate relationship.
I know it’s silly because there are as many forms of love and relationships as there are types of people, but I’m afraid he’ll stay with me only for comfort and not out of true “love” in the sense of butterflies in the stomach.
Do you think this is an immature way of looking at things? I don’t know if I’ve been clear.
Thank you!
TL;DR : what if he gets bored of me ?