We’ve been married for just two months, but there have been challenges from the start. She is very attached to her parents and has been to her home 5-6 times in 2 months which makes me insecure. We are quite different in almost every aspect-food habits, sports, religious beliefs, travel preferences, and career outlook. I thought she would gradually adjust and take interest in bridging these differences, but instead, she began arguing more and started avoiding intimacy, saying she couldn’t have sex for more than 10 minutes, whereas I usually take 30-40 minutes.
We consulted a doctor for guidance, but she refused to try the suggested solutions. Amid all this, our fights became frequent, and I admit I said many wrong things in anger. She took them very seriously and eventually left. Now her parents are involved and are asking for a divorce. My parents and I have gone to meet them multiple times to apologize and said that I will not insist for sex anyday now, but they seem unwilling to reconcile, holding firmly to their position.
Can anyone really stay without sex whole life or will it affect the marriage and seperation is the only solution?
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Why did her visiting her parents make you insecure? Why didn’t you go with her?
It sounds a lot like you knew who your wife was before marriage and these behaviours are now an issue for you because you expected things to change. Remember this in the future: don’t date people for their potential.
Why do you even want to stay married if you two don’t even get along?
Why on earth would you 2 marry in the first place if you guys were so incompatible? Yes. Divorce is your best option. Not just because of sex, but because you are not compatible together at all.
It’s essential if it’s something important to either of you.
That said, comes across a little weird that it sounds like you solely expected her to come around to your way of seeing things instead of compromising. How long did you two know each other before getting married?
Something seems off here
Real question- was this an arranged marriage? Because she’s acting like a child who needs her parents and you guys have nothing in common.
Clearly this marriage isn’t working out for many reasons and as a result your wife isn’t willing to have sex with you. She wants a divorce and it’s probably best to just cut your losses.
“I thought she would gradually adjust…”.
Why did you think that? Why did you expect her to be the only one adjusting? Why don’t you adjust?
40 minutes? Dang
Your question isn’t about sex – it should be can I marry someone and expect them to adjust to my lifestyle. You admitted you were both different, why did you marry her then? Do you think she had the same expectation, that you would change for her?
Then if you are arguing and “saying things you don’t mean in the moment” (which is usually when you do say things you mean deep down) that’s going to make her feel unsafe, which then puts sex off the table.
So I think sex is the wrong thing to focus on. Would you be happily married to her just as she is, career, travel, family, socially and any other way? If not, divorce lets her and you find someone suitable. Because this isn’t about sex, it’s about compatability.
And no, not all marriages need sex to be happy but if it’s important for you then you will never have a happy marriage without it, make sense? Where as I know couples who have been married years and it happens once or twice a year and I know the opposite where its weekly – each couple is happy bit it’s because they both have the same expectation.
How long did you date before this?
Yes. Sex is how we renew our love for each other on a daily basis. It releases hormones like Oxytosin which make us FEEL the love for our partner. Absent sex you are just roommates.
If she refuses to get counseling and stick with it then you should divorce now before kids arrive.
Next time find someone who you are sexually compatible with BEFORE you ask them to marry and you will be much happier.
All this has happened in two months? I mean, if you were serious about the marriage in the first place, then having a bad 2 months isn’t enough time to know that divorce is your only option, in my opinion. If you got married not knowing whether or not marriage was fully for you, (which it kind of sounds like might have happened), then maybe it’s time to have some honest conversations with your wife about whether or not you both see it working long term
Sex isn’t essential for happy marriage. What is essential is that the both parties in relationship are on the same page about it. And dude honestly, you two don’t seem to be on same page about anything. Seeing how much your both parents are part of this mess and how incompatible you two are, I can only think this was arranged marriage cause why the f you would marry each other.
That’s for you to decide whether you will be happy in a sexless marriage.
I wouldn’t and I was clear with it from the beginning.
Simply put, physical intimacy is mostly the way I feel loved and I’d be miserable if could not do anything with her. Being room mates with the hottest girlfriend/wife in the whole world whom I can’t touch is my definition of hell.
I don’t think you’re asking the right question. Of course there are people who are happy not having sex their whole lives. The question you need to ask yourself is if you’re one of those people, and it doesn’t sound like you are.
I also don’t think sex is your real issue here. You’re saying that she’s very different from you and that you expected her to change. What made you believe that? Did you actually have a conversation about your expectations?
Anyway, I don’t really understand why you’re married to her or how this marriage serves you. It doesn’t sound like you like her or like you two are remotely compatible. But that’s something for you to think about.