People always celebrate couples whove been together for 20+ years but Ive started wondering is longevity alone really the goal? No one ever asks how those years were, Were they loving, supportive and kind or just full of unspoken resentment, emotional distance or constantly keeping the peace?
In relationships we dont seem to ask if people were actually happy just if they lasted
Im trying to figure out whether its better to stick things out even when it feels stagnant or if walking away is sometimes the stronger choice
How do you know when a long term relationship is truly worth preserving and when its just time served?
Comments
Relationships are about compromise but you should align naturally in most things. If you are constantly compromising then I would say it boils down to what makes you happy. If staying makes you happy then stay but if you are not happy then the option is on the table to move on
This is a really excellent post.
It seems to me that the bottom line is whether two people want to coexist and share the same space and enjoy the same experiences that life has to offer.
Relationships of any kind, by definition, are based on compromise, mutual respect, shared values, and most importantly, a willingness and ability to respect the thoughts and feelings of the other person.
In other words, it’s not simply about longevity, but about experiencing life with a like-minded soul.
And obviously, that is a decision that everyone on their own must make for themselves.
For many people, a long-term relationship is regarded as important in order to live in a fulfilled and complete life.
Other people attach no significance whatsoever to such a relationship.
If two people can discuss issues in a calm, quiet and respectful manner, and can compromise and come to agreement — whether it’s about politics, doing the dishes, or paying the mortgage — then generally speaking, such a relationship can be quite desirable.
Some people are willing to tolerate pain, uncertainty, and doubts, and a even a loss of trust in the other partner, while others are not.
Again, that is an intensely personal decision, and, it seems to me, an entirely different discussion.
Thank you.
Water does not compromise or contemplate happiness, it flows through the cracks and around them, collaborating with them seamlessly, existing with no fear or inhibition. When water pools, it forms beautiful stillness, yet stillness can be stagnancy too. Learn which one is yours, and if your stillness feels not peaceful, be like the pond in the rainstorm and pour over the brim into new crevices.
If you’re constantly compromising then you’re not communicating like adults AND you failed at vetting the other person.
You don’t buy a car without first checking it out right? It’s similar with relationships.
There are win-win compromises where both partners are feeling like they’re getting what they need, and there are win-lose and lose-lose compromises that genuinely do not belong in a long-term committed relationship. It’s give and take.
Dating someone for 20 years is crazy
There’s compromise, and there’s giving in/up. If the compromise is that the other person always gets their way, that’s not a fulfilling relationship.