Hi lemme start by saying hello.Ok so im 40M I recently discovered my 27F year old co worker has a crush on me we hang out after work and play magic the gathering all the time. Recently shes taken to touching my arm and giving me overly long hugs. Im in the process of leaving my wife of 11years ( she cheated its another long story) Is a 13 year age difference to much? Should I make a move? Help me out reddit.
Is thirteen years to much?
r/Advice
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You’re both adults. I don’t think it’s weird.
27 is a lot different compared to, say, 19.
You good.
Go for it
Go for it. Nothing wrong with that gap.
Age difference isn’t a problem. Make a move only after you have legally left your wife. That could become your problem…. the process.
I almost married a guy 13 years my senior. Since then, it’s become clear that we were in very different phases of life and he’s sending a family off to college and slowing down a bit and I’m buying my first house.
Not saying it can’t work, but the difference becomes pronounced again in later years.
Half plus 7 so you’re literally in the wire.
As long as everybody understands the rules of engagement … all things are fair.
Dude. Don’t shit where you eat.
Go and fill her generation gap mate
I’ve seen it work. But the older partner has to believe they have things to learn from the younger one.
Nope.
At least wait until the ink dries on the divorce papers – geez
No. She’s a grown ass woman.
Anything is legal is fine.
Anyone who is able to sign a contract, become employed, drive, open a bank account etc. Is entitled to choose their partner.
Nothing wrong with the age gap. The fact that she’s a coworker might be awkward if things don’t work out.
gooo for it but like… know it might be complicated. life’s short lol
I think that you are the only one who can really know that answer. You’ll have different pop culture references but that might not matter to you.
I tend to think that once the younger one in couple is around 27, the gaps aren’t quite the chasm that they are when one in the early 20s.
That said, if you really like her, are you sure you want to jump into a relationship just as your marriage is ending? Might you want to seek a therapist just to make sure you are in the right headspace for a new relationship? And finally, what does your work have to say about colleagues dating?
Thirteen years isn’t the issue rebounding with a coworker mid divorce is, slow down before you nuke your job and your sanity
She’s 27, she’s an Adult.
Just don’t make it a problem… like acting like you’re so much older/wiser than her could become annoying fast.
Lots of 40 yr old men date 27 yr old women. However, are you still living with your wife? In the process of leaving is a very broad term.
Go for it!
Half your age plus 7 is the rule🤞… your good
You found a woman who plays Mtg with you? Marry her now!
I have a 13 year old gap difference with my husband. When we met I was 36F and he was 49M. I think every relationship is different and for us it’s never been an issue.
No. Depends on maturity and interests of both of you and what each of you wants.
Age gap attitudes always seem to be from a black and white opinions with 0 shades of grey allowed for the complexity of real life situations. Are you both legal? Are you both happy? The rest is details.
I don’t think the age gap is the problem, I think the issue is you two are coworkers and you aren’t even fully divorced yet. HR doesn’t usually take romantic relationships between coworkers lightly. It’s worse if you’re her supervisor, but still a bad look regardless. Do you really want your personal problems to mesh with your job?
Rebound with someone else. Don’t risk your career over lust.
You should never dip your pen in the company ink!
Your both adults. Go on a date and see if it clicks.
Don’t worry about others options or societies expectations.
Age divided by 2 plus 7 = socially ok.
Don’t shit where you eat.
Each person is different. You should make your decision based on how they are as a person, without regard for age (assuming, of course, that they are legal adults).
However.
I would not date my coworker. That is NOT a good idea. It’s like dating a family member. If you want to date one of you will need to find a different job at a different company. Some companies even have policies against workplace romances. One of my jobs had an assistant store manager dating a part time employee. My manager ignored it for as long as she could but once they got engaged she had to transfer the part time employee to another store.
There is also the power imbalance to think of. If either of you are different ranks within the company that could actually cause problems legally with consent laws. If you are in a position of power it may not be legal for you to have sex with her, or she could use your rank to argue that you forced her and she didn’t have a choice because you were above her in the company.
I would also argue that she is being massively inappropriate with you. You are married. Yes you are going through a divorce, but you are still married until those papers are signed. She needs to wait to hit on you until after you are legally single again. The fact that she has such poor boundaries should be a concern to you. Because if she has poor boundaries with you, who else does she have poor boundaries with? Who will she have poor boundaries with in the future?
If you do decide to date I HIGHLY recommend having a conversation with her ASAP about what the two of you see as “cheating” and a betrayal of trust within the bounds of your relationship. Because it appears that she doesn’t know when she is crossing lines.
You’re not even divorced, don’t bring her into your mess.
13 year age gap with those ages wouldn’t be an immediate no to me. It would come down to the maturity of the people involved which as someone on the internet I can’t judge. I’ve known 27 year olds who acted more like 17yr olds and others that acted more like 40yr olds.
The other thing to consider is what she might want in life. 27f is still young and she may want to start a family and all that assuming it happened today you’d be looking at ~60yr old while still raising children. Not something you need to figure out right away but something you might want to be aware of.
The only advice I’d give would be to keep thing above board till you are legally separated from your current wife. Last thing you want is to give your soon to be ex wife some ammunition cause you couldn’t wait to start something new.
Your coming out of a divorce, I wouldn’t rush into a relationship.
The age gap isn’t an issue.
Did she tell you she has a crush?
I’m 33 and partner 52 no kids and it’s perfect
Yes, 13 years is too much. Leave her alone.
You didn’t mention whether you like her or not. If yes go for it, if not don’t. Don’t overthink it like some of these folks are. Find out if it’s too much. No reason to make an assumption.
I’m more concerned of the fact that you aren’t giving yourself time to grieve your marriage.
This is a question that only Amado Batista could answer.
You’re good. 27 is old enough that you have experience in life
The “official” method is your age divide by half add 7. You’re literally good to go my dude.
Sounds like the ideal rebound
Advice you will likely ignore, like I did: finish the divorce and stay single for one year to heal first before considering any relationship. You will have a great time full of regrets if you don’t. Best fortunes to you!
There is a mathematical equation for this, although not really set in stone, but most go by it.
Half your age, plus 7. Your 40, she 27, you are good.
But as others have said maturity goes a long way in large age gaps.
I’m ten years older than my husband. We met at his 30th birthday party.
You’re cool. There’s a huge difference between 18 and 31 and 27 and 40. 🍻
I’m probably the odd one out, mine and my husbands age gap is only 5 years ( he’s older). And we met as coworkers and yes he was my rebound from a very very nasty split. He not only took on me as a partner but also my son. The only thing I will say is we weren’t in a career long term job, and if we had split in a career long job it could have been messy. I had no intention of ever leaving him, it’s sounds so cliché but when I saw him I knew he was the one and I would have jumped through every and any hoops to make him mine 😂, good thing there wasn’t a lot of hoops cause I’m not super athletic 🤣 but I possibly would have died trying 😉. We’ve been together for almost 12 years now. My advice for you is this is just going to be a play thing and you didn’t have interest in her before you noticed her flirting then I wouldn’t shot where you eat. But if she’s caught your interest prior and you can see something more serious with this then a conversation of what you both are looking for couldn’t do any harm. For all you know maybe you’re just a craving she wants to try and never come back too. Maturity s also a huge thing to yes she’s 27 but that doesn’t mean shit I’ve seen 35 year olds act like they are 22. Remember just like she would be fitting in to your world/generation life style you will also have to accept hers. My friend has a huge gap and I must say the main problem they face is she thinks she knows nothing cause she’s so much younger than him when it’s complete opposite. Also with such a big age gap and her being 27 always keep in mind she might want kids is that something you are interested in.
Have a discussion about the fact you work at the same place and how to handle it if things don’t work out. No one likes work place drama if other people decide to get involved. Check if there are any rules regarding workplace relationships before you make any decisions going forward.
my dad was 13 years older than my mom and they had a beautiful marriage. but he became a drug addict unfortunately so they divorced. i think it could work but it all depends.
I’m just commenting to say kudos on finding a woman that wants to play MTG with you!
My daughter is with an amazing guy who is 20 years older. She’s in her mid 30’s and they couldn’t be happier. They’ve been together for 8 years now and he treats her like a princess and then some. He is a very intelligent man, they both are and they’re both in the same field and have many of the same passions and much in common. At your ages you’re both adults and if you are happy together why would you care what others think?
Life is short just so it
Finalize the divorce first.
Yes if you already had a whole other life. If you were unmarried single at 40 different story.
First get your divorce. It’s not healthy for neither of you. It’s a process you have to mourn on your own and when you’re finally clear of mind, then you could choose her from a better position emotionally. Watch out for rebounds and all of that.
My partner and I have 20 years of age difference and while it’s true that we are in different stages, we both are planning and working together. It’s possible.
People won’t remind your own business.What are you in?Are you that’s my business and the taxpan, no one else
Don’t shit where you eat.
1/2 your age plus seven. It’s ok
No, totally normal around most of the world. You’re both adults.
Just go with the flow. You’re both adults.
She likes MTG.
Nah. You’re both adults. Do whatever the fuck you want.
“In the process” meaning you’re not divorced yet. Bruh. One thing at a time 😂😂
Pretty sure I know a couple who met while he was going through divorce, dated, moved in and now married. Didn’t work for same company- but met via work. Age is just a number.
I’d worry less about the age gap than rebounding from divorce. be careful about reading too much into things and putting your job at risk. But maybe.
I’ve been in bigger age gaps that worked fine, but the divorce and coworker thing, no dude.
Divide by 2 add 7. You’re fine. 😆
People need to stop making a deal out of this if you are of age. Your and adult – make your own choice if it makes you happy. My parents are 10 yrs apart and have been married 50 yrs. My wife and I are 12 yrs apart – we have been together for 21 yrs. Just be good to each other, make each other happy and be happy.
Just fuck her
No your both adults
Why are people obsessed with this? She’s an adult, go get it. Live your life.
Half plus 7 is a solid rule, and she just barely makes the cutoff.
As others said, rebound and coworker are really the two bigger issues.
I married a guy in the same situation and age gap, we are still very happy and I’m now older than he was when we met
Dude. Live your best life. Do not care about what others think.
Yeah, this was me. Similar age gap (little more, actually). My contrary opinion on this situation (I see you being told this is a bad idea) is that regarding our situation, it worked out very well for both of us. We are getting married soon and have been together for 5 solid, awesome years.
However, it was wildly stressful during the divorce – my divorce attorney said he always pitied both parties, but really, really pitied any new partner while a divorce was ongoing. It can get rough. We did come clean with management after a few months of dating, and she did leave for another job. (We knew from the start, if this was to turn into something serious – it always was serious, however – one of us would have to leave the position.) She got a new job, and it turned into a great career for her.
My partner was wildly supportive, helped me get through a lot (and similarly, I have since supported her in very difficult family situations.)
Be careful jumping into a new relationship so soon however. Every situation is different. I felt very strongly about my partner, and knew her very well (we’d worked together for several years and I knew she had a great head on her shoulders).
Just a little tappy tappy – “Chubbs”
Go man, if she’s mature! Go!
Your age divided by 2 + 7 was a thing at some point.
did your wife cheat because of your expert magic the gathering deck
The rule is half your age plus 7, so they just sneak in. No issue there.
Edit to add: it’s not so much a rule, as a guideline.
My first wife was 25 and I was 40. Not an issue.
I’d say give yourself at least a few months to sort out your feelings about your wife’s betrayal. Don’t get into a rebound, because you may be seeking comfort after your painful discovery. If you do happen to move forward, be totally honest with the new woman about what happened and how you’re feeling about it. You MAY not be completely over your wife, despite moving away from her. Anyway, 13 years is not too many years apart in age. Good luck! 🌸
I’m borderline obsessed with a man 13 years older than me. 😂 I’m sure the age gap freaks him out coming out of a 20+ year relationship with a lady older than him. But for me, I spent my entire adult life with a man 10 years older than me, so 3 more years isn’t much of a stretch for me. But in your case…. I mean if you have to see her everyday at work, yikes, I wouldn’t just to not deal with the awkwardness when the fling is done. But if you don’t have to see her all that often, get under that! And on top.
Beta energy. Just because someone touched your arm and has a crush on you doesn’t mean you should leap on them.
In the grand scheme of things, 13 years is not a problem. Engaged and see where things go
27F/40M isn’t a problematic age gap, but actually complete your separation first and tell the girl your full honest situation. Don’t be like “we’re divorced” when it isn’t the truth yet.
its a significant age gap. So id take it handy if you do go for it. Keep it relaxed for a bit.
Don’t go for it unless you are officially separated from your wife. As in living apart and filed for legal separation at the least.
Dating a co workers is always dodgy, especially if yiu in anyway outrank her.
I don’t agree with others about stages. It works for some but not maybe all. I personally have a 14 year age gap. My kids are grown and in careers. Her two are 10 and 13. I don’t mind because I think kids are great. We even discussed having another. We are very happy and I will retire in the next 4 years. She will continue working, possibly, for another 13 to 18 years.
My partner is ten years older than me, however we met when I was 46 and he was 56. The older you get, the more compatible you will become. I know many who don’t like an age gap because of the difference in movies, music and the like. But there is nothing wrong with it. My step father is 80 and wants to marry a woman in her 30’s. It’s like…who cares.
You should take a pause. Wrap up your current mess of a relationship first. You want connection and attention, especially with all that your wife has put you through lately.
If this new relationship is a good match for both of you, then it’ll still be an option once you’ve finished ending your marriage. And even if you want something more casual, patience is still a good idea. It’s not the age gap, it’s the timing.
She wants it. You want it. You’re both adults. Go for it!!!!
An old heuristic from the early 20th century is half your age plus 7 years. Another heuristic says a seven year spread. In the end, it’s up to you guys, where you guys are in life, how well you get along, how you feel about it, etc. You’re both adults so other people’s opinions or social heuristics shouldn’t matter too much, at this point.
Divide by 2 plus 7 right? Looks like the equation works out perfectly and you’re in the clear! /s
Don’t not do it because of the age gap, don’t do it because she’s a coworker. This will be an all-time headache and you’ve already got too much to deal with.
And sorry about the divorce 🙁
Finish your stuff with your wife before you get involved with another person.
Half plus seven
You’re in the clear.
My advice, don’t shit where you eat. The last thing you’ll be worrying about is the age gap
Fuck her right in the pussy!
Age gap isn’t the problem. You’ve been through trauma and need to heal properly before you try to date again. Anytime someone is a victim of infidelity they need to take at least a year to go to therapy find hobbies and outlets for the grieving process you were together with this person for 11 years you are going to feel all kinds of emotions and it’s going to be a weird journey but at the end of it you’ll be healthier and a better partner.
So, imma answer this with 3 questions…
Do you genuinely like her to see a future?
Are you currently stable and will be ok if it doesn’t work out?
And the last question is, are you ok with the difference?
Oh that’s the gap. For a second I was like Jesus Christ, Karl Malone
My wife is 15 years younger and we worked together for a couple years. Married 6 years now.
I think the issue is more her being a coworker and not the age.
Everyone says 1/2 your age plus 7. So, 20+7 = fair play, no creep.
However, in the middle of a divorce, don’t give your ex any ammo.
Also, I’m a firm believer in don’t shit where you eat (aka don’t fuck chicks from work).
You might want to hold on and get your rebound jitters and fuckups out on someone else rather than a person you have to continue working with.
Age gap isn’t the main issue here. The red flags are: you’re still married, she’s a coworker, and you’re freshly hurt. Finish the divorce and give yourself some space first. If the interest is still there, make sure you don’t supervise each other, check company policy, and ask her out away from work with a clear, low-pressure invite. Keep it slow, no flirting at work, and if there’s any power imbalance, don’t pursue it.
Age gap isn’t the main issue. You’re still married and she’s a coworker. Finish the divorce, give yourself time, and keep work clean. If the vibe is still there later and there’s no power imbalance, ask her out off the clock and keep it slow.
If she plays Magic the Gathering, she’s a keeper. Ignore these trolls, and go roll some d20’s with this dame 🙌
Fuck all you judgemental assholes my wife is 19 years younger than me and we are very happy
Unless you doing some sick pedo shit with a minor it aint none of these peoples business and if they are creeped out and have opinions they should keep it to themselves
If she is 18 she allowed to date whoever she wants and everyone allowed to date her and the rest of the world can get over it
But truthfully at 18 just because you could doesnt mean you should
At 27 she knows what a peepee is used for and how to use it she is no longer a kid
Like someone else said ……the rebound caca and the co-worker angle is more concerning
Bone her if you want….just be careful
Pump the breaks. Dating right after or in the middle of a divorce can get ugly.
Never fish off the company dock!! Trust me, i know. I made that mistake a time too many! I leaned a valuable lesson after the second run.
Age gaps if both parties are over 25 don’t really matter much in my opinion. At 25, you’re adult enough to date whomever you choose and should have enough experience to have figured out what you want. You can’t really be groomed if you know what you want.
You’re still gonna get judged by some for the age gap, but anyone thinking of it as grooming is off their rocker if they think 25-year-olds can still be groomed. I judged my dad who married a woman younger than me. Until I met her and saw how well they were together. They make each other happy. That’s what counts.
Just be careful about dating co-workers. That’s the tricky part. If you misinterpreted her intentions, an HR visit is in your future. If you date and break up on a sour note, someone has to find another job.
I mean, where are you gonna find another girl to play magic the gathering?
DONT GET your Love at the same place you get Your PAYCHECK
I am in an age-gap relationship. Our age gap is not a problem. We have a great relationship. My father was 22 years older than my mother. They were happily married for almost 40 years, until he died.
The bigger problem is you haven’t left your wife yet, and you’re already thinking of dating other women — a co-worker no less. It’s okay if you and your co-worker are friends, but don’t catch feelings for her. You’re not ready for another relationship now.
They said “do not shit where you eat”, especially during divorce. Age gap is the last thing you need to think about.
I’m going to give it to you straight. Thirteen years is too much. A 27 year old is looking to have fun and possibly start a life with someone close to her age who’s looking for the same thing- similar life stages. A 40 year old dude has experienced so much more out of life and likely has a lot more baggage. Find someone your own age after the divorce is final.
Take a step back and breathe.
The age gap isn’t the problem. Moving on before you’re ready, with a coworker, and not even being sure if it’s okay to do so, is.
You need to get through this divorce, and give yourself some time to get used to your new reality, before you even think about dating again. If you make a move with this woman, you’re just rebounding.
You need to take the time to actually heal and be ready to move on, or you’ll just cause yourself problems that you won’t be able to fix.
Half your age +7 is 27. Go get it bud.
No. its fine.
But wait until you complete your divorce. You maybe too emotional right now.
Also MTG? Really? Maybe you are made for each other.
Nah. Go for it!
Nope, you are both adults, it’s fine.
age gap isn’t the main issue just take it slow since you are fresh out of a marriage
Bro, you found a woman that likes you and plays Magic? You can stop talking. I’m sold. Don’t listen to anyone telling you no, you will 100% regret not seeing if this can work.
Wait. Get the divorce done. Don’t get involved with someone at work yet. Especially a younger woman who may well not fully grasp what your dealing with. As tempting as it is .
Age wise it’s no one’s business but you need some time.
What do they say, divide by 2 plus 7 ?
If you ask me , if it becomes really obvious you like each other I would just ask her whether you are reading it right.
If the answer is yes, tell her that you into it but you need to wait. You understand that she is free to move on but that you would really like to explore things further but given your current situation your not ready and don’t want to mess her around or play games.
Also be sure that this isn’t going to screw up your work somehow.
Coking out of an relationship, many people would say tale take some time to discover yourself and ground for a while. Getting into another situation could be quite demanding and prevent you from truly figuring stuff out.
“In the process”
You’re 40 and use the word “lemme” and play Magic the gathering. You don’t see the issue?
Do 👏 not 👏 play 👏 hokey pokey with your co-workers. 👏
Unless you have an easily replaceable job, than fuck it (both the job and your co-worker).
Please think with the head between your shoulders. Yes she sounds cool but your still in the middle of a divorce and you also need time to learn who you are again outside of an over a decade commitment. Plus dating a coworker can end up very messy and risk your job. Any woman you link up with now will be a rebound so unless this is strictly a FWB and she’s fully aware of this steer clear…