Is this a dealbreaker ?

For context I am working 80 hours a week and in university full time and opted for a career path that will help support his and I try my best to network opportunities for him. I cook for him 2-3 times a day. I live in my apartment he lives with his parents because he’s saving for a house (I save him about $800 a week by cooking and holding him accountable in other ways). He is loved beyond measure. He’s broken up with me about eight or more times because he feels like he’s not good enough no matter how much I bring him up and give him his space and whatever else he could ask for to feel capable and supported. I even lost 50 pounds because I figured out his type is very small girls with curves and now I’ve got it. We have been together for over a year. I don’t want to leave but I hate how he makes me feel about myself.

I am F(20) he is M(24).

Attachments aren’t allowed here but this was our conversation today.
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Me
When was the last time u jacked off?

Him
Let’s reset it to today.

Me
What?

Him
Send me something abnormal.

Me
That doesn’t answer lol

Him
Idk when. I don’t count or put a day on my calendar. ??

Me
Is it still to other people?

Him
Why do u ask

Me
So yes
Bc if I don’t ask you won’t tell me lol

Him
Alr
Sorry I asked

⸻

Me
?
I’m not upset?
You can be irritated but there’s no reason to be, I was just curious
Wanna be more open and have healthier responses.
Ik you love the toxicity but it’s supa unnecessary most of the time
Do you mind giving me a straight answer?

Him
Not trying to be toxic
Rather not answer

Me
Because you do lol
It’s fine
You’re worried about me blowing up or something.

Him
Hmmm
You always have in the past
So yes

⸻

Me
I don’t take being unfaithful lightly. I’ve overreacted for suresies bc I was hurt. I won’t excuse it but I’d rather just be at peace.
I’m faithful. I’m focused on getting to the future I want and that involves commitment. If that doesn’t align with you then neither will I. If you can’t lower your gaze you don’t respect me. If you always give into lust you don’t respect yourself. You’re “not hurting anyone” but it makes you treat me different, gives you the illusion of endless options, and makes me feel like I can’t satisfy you. What’s the point in giving you everything you could ask for if it’s not enough?
You hide them in a calculator app and you won’t let me touch your phone because of god knows what else you’ve got on there. You have an addiction that you’re not willing to work on. If you still aren’t sure that I’m the one and need validation from fantasies and other girls, I’m good. I’m not going to tell you what to do, I’m just gonna leave. I’ve never asked you for anything but loyalty in return for everything I do for you out of love. You struggle with giving me reassurance that I’m the one because in your eyes I’m not and that’s ok.
I love you always will. I just can’t keep feeling like the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life submitting to and serving thinks there are better options. I am enough. I’ll be more than enough. I can’t force you to appreciate or want that.

Him
You’re not gonna tell me what to do, you’re just gonna leave?

Me
I’ve tried to help. I’ve tried offering whatever will sexually satisfy you. I do research on how to give better head and everything lol.

Him
Idk what to tell u

Me
I’m still not enough for you somehow. There’s never been a moment where you’ve had to doubt my love for you. I don’t know how to tell myself you genuinely love me when you’re lustful and unwilling to change.

⸻

Him:
Do whatever u want. I’m not gonna sit here and talk about this.

Me
I’ve never wanted anyone else.
Not even fantasized. Nothing.
If you’re going to pick giving into lust for women that don’t give a shit about you over someone that would go to the world’s end for you, that’s your choice. I wish you’d pick me.

Him:
You’re just choosing to make it a problem.

Me:
No, it is a problem and I’m expressing that it’s a boundary for me and you’re not used to that.

Him:
I’m going to keep doing me
Sorry that bothers you

Me
What am I supposed to do? Sit here and be ok with you fantasizing about fucking people you know when you have me?

Him
Yes bc I don’t give a fuck about them

Me
I’ve never told you that when you’ve told me something I do bothers you. I’ve always chosen to give you what will help us.
Yeah that’s just the thing—you don’t care about me enough to want to be committed either.
You told me it was my fault you started bc I wasn’t satisfying you.
I’ve done everything I possibly can and still no. I can massage and give u head when u come here stressed and you’ll still go home and look at another girl and think that’s fine.
I’ve said what I needed to say, won’t bother you anymore. I’m sorry that you chose them over me. I wish things were different.

Him
When did I choose them over u?

Me
You’re not willing to stop and I’m not willing to pretend it doesn’t hurt.
If you told me to start wearing a niqab so other men don’t even see my forehead I’d do it.
If you told me to drop out to take care of you better I’d do it.
You’d rather enjoy 2 mins of temporary pleasure here and there than make sure I feel secure.

⸻

Me
I love you to death but if I’m not enough of a reason to work on an addiction that harms our relationship, idk what to tell you.
I want to feel beautiful, but if you have other women on your phone that you think are attractive, how can I lol.
I can’t compete with millions of women and you can’t compete with millions of men.
The whole point is to be faithful but you don’t want that apparently and I can’t force you to.
Comparison ruins gratitude. You can’t tell me that if I didn’t see a bunch of dudes constantly that had things you don’t that I wouldn’t look at you different. There’s a reason I don’t.

Him
Alright
I don’t think so

Me
U can do ur own research on what lust and porn addiction do to a brain, what comparing other people to your partner does to a relationship, and disagree all you want. I’m not telling you what to think.

⸻
He then put on dnd and went home and we didn’t talk for the rest of the night.

TLDR; I’m bending over backwards and asking for commitment from an avoidant man and he is still choosing lust over my emotional security and I don’t know if I can handle it anymore or if I’m being dramatic.