Newish to this subreddit.
Dealing with a difficult family situation.
First time I met partner’s family they came to visit for two weeks and I noticed immediately my partner could not say no to mom without anxiety (he’s way better now – in therapy, all of the rest, but he was totally enmeshed then).
I was completely oblivious to this as being even a possible way families related, so I felt very bad for him and tried to help (mistake #1…). Small boundaries were not received well (aka we wanted to drive separately to a weekend trip). MIL cried and gave us the silent treatment.
When we were home from said trip, I told partner I wanted a night to chill at home alone. He was welcome to do dinner with his parents. He was undecided. When it came time to decide, he decided he didn’t want to see them but was – I kid you not – crying about how scared he was to say no to his mom. I called her and told her “partner is overwhelmed, actually crying because he feels so bad but we are a no on dinner”.
I repeat i was totally naive and would never be involved like this again.
MIL cannot handle the sound of her “boy” crying, and asks if she can bring him food. We say no. 30 minutes later MIL shows up in my driveway with dinner. I am fucking livid and she can tell. My partner doesnt even live with me – this is my house.
The next day she asks HIM “are we okay”. He grumbles something about needing to talk to her. Then we all get a lunch where he plans to talk to her after the lunch. During the lunch she – I kid you not – gives me the silent treatment! This is my first time meeting these people! If you cross a line you didnt know was a line (like coming by uninvited) and you can tell it made someone upset, the proper course of action is to apologize. Not to give them the silent treatment?!
I repeat, first time meeting this family! It blew my mind.
Anyways. At lunch she tells my partner she has gone through his kitchen and noticed he is missing a pot or pan or two. Where are they? Bla bla bla. He sets the boundary and she cries about how she would just do anything for her boy…
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Its such a typical scenario in this sub that I was cringing when I read that you (to help) texted MIL to say he was crying bc I thought oh no, you just exploited a weakness for her to zero in on with him. Sorry you’re part of this shitty club, but happy to see partner has tried to strengthen and unenmesh himself from day 1.
My Justno isn’t quite typical, but this sounds like a lot of other justnos I’ve heard about.
What drives me nuts is do these women not have MILs?!? How would they feel if their MIL acted like this??? Idk. As someone with a son, it just seems crazy to treat your kid and his partner this way.