I (22F) met this guy (22M) at a party around 2 weeks ago and we hit it off almost immediately. He asked me out on a date right then and there and we went out 2 days later for our first date. In these two weeks we have seen each other/hung out around 5/6 times. He initiates and falls through on plans, is consistent, he introduced me to his close group of friends (we went to a festival together with them) and is very physically expressive in private and in groups (hand holding, cuddling, kissing etc).
He very recently (around a month ago) got out of a relationship that lasted a little less than a year. I found that out because he told me that himself. He claims he is healed and that he is emotionally available but that he doesn’t know what he wants yet and doesn’t want to potentially lead me on (which is understandable and normal for someone who recently got out of a relationship). He told me this around a week into knowing each other. On one hand i appreciate the openness and honestly but on the other it kind of feels to me like he is saying “i am going to lead you on regardless and I will never want anything serious with you but i am telling you now so i don’t look like the bad guy when things don’t work out”.
My thought process could be way off because i have unfortunately been in many situationships and my brain could just be wired to expect the worst but this one feels different because he is actively putting effort and being open and honest about how he feels and what he wants. He tells me (and shows me) how much he likes me all the time but i have this really uneasy feeling in my chest that i am being played. I understand that it is still early to tell what red flags he may have but i don’t know what to expect.
He was also honest about past experiences he had after his recent breakup. He told me he had a one night stand with a girl after the breakup as a sort of rebound but that was about it.
I know this post is all over the place but i hope it makes sense. If anybody has any advice on this i would greatly appreciate it.
Comments
He’s showing genuine interest, but his “I don’t know what I want” is a red flag. Stay open, but protect your heart.
He seems to like you and is treating you right. It’s only been a couple of weeks, see where things go, enjoy your time with him. You’ll soon know if he’s playing you, his behaviour will change.
You should work in risk management!
This makes perfect sense and you’re not overthinking, you’re just trying to protect yourself. What you’re describing is a very real tension on one hand, he’s showing up consistently, introducing you to friends, being affectionate all things that look like genuine interest. On the other hand, he literally told you he doesn’t know what he wants. Both of those can be true at once.
Relax. You’re only 22. What attachment style do you have? secure, anxious or avoidant? It’s good to figure this out early in life. I didn’t even know about it until I turned 50. It matters a lot. You can do a quiz about him and a quiz about yourself to determine. Btw, if you just met him, you can’t expect genuine interest. But you can get to know him before you give all of yourself to him. Ask him to build a small Lego set with you. If he doesn’t want to do that, then he probably just wants sex.
People really need to remember to protect themselves early in relationships, this is the easy part. Never let your heart into the picture until you have at least had a disagreement so you can see how the other person handles themselves. Seriously, I know its fun to fall in love but protect yourself out there.