BF (29 M) and I (29 F) are having trust issues. I’m recently divorced. My ex was physically & sexually abusive. He also cheated on me and I found out by finding his secret / dual / second instagram and Snapchat accounts.
A few weeks ago I went through BFs Instagram following and he was following 30 ish trashy accounts. He unfollowed them immediately, but tried to justify the behavior. Two days ago, he showed me a DM and it was a group chat. The group chat was of 50 members, 40 of them were women. I asked who they are. He said his friend added him, it’s a bunch of stranger random people. He showed me the conversations and it was about partying, drinking, meeting up. He was not engaging in the conversations. However, I think it’s so gross to be in this sort of group chat…what was the intention here? Why are you in a GC with random 50 women from the internet? It’s giving creep behavior. He was on the chat for a few months and a few days before we met he asked on there “hey is anyone going to X concert.” Implying he wanted to meet up with these women, right? He claims he didn’t meet up with anyone. This was before we met, but it’s the principle of it that’s bothering me.
This gives me so much anxiety and makes me feel uneasy and re triggers my mind and makes up scenarios. What can we do to build trust? Or is there no going back?
TLDR; is this my past trauma of my ex or should I be worried and end things?
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If you don’t want to be with someone who does that sort of thing, don’t be. Have you sought help from anyone about the trauma, though?
Your boyfriend is a grown man following thirst traps on main. It’s giving your uncle on Facebook sharing porn to his feed because he doesn’t understand how the internet works. This man doesn’t have the self respect or respect you enough to have a side account for his spank bank.
The group chat is trashy and pathetic and his friends adding him means he’s friends with trashy and pathetic people.
How long are you with the current guy? Won’t lie, if I was added to a groupchat of strangers I would leave it straight away. Who wants to take part in that 😂. So I do find that a but suspect. However, only you can answer how much that aligns with his personality. If that’s not something you’d expect him to do then you’ve every right to pursue the conversation. If he’s a bit juvenile and what we’d call in ireland, “a lads lad”, then he likely wouldn’t see anything wrong with this behaviour