Is this relationship worth saving or is it time we go our separate ways? (M26/F25, 1.4 years)

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TL;DR:
Been in a 1.4-year relationship that started off amazing. Over time, I began feeling suffocated due to constant conflict, lack of respect for my personal space, and emotional pressure. She struggles with insecurity, gets jealous when I spend time with female friends (despite reassurances), and relies on me entirely for emotional support. We’ve tried therapy and had countless talks, but issues keep repeating. The latest incident involved her guilt-tripping me for using a weekend to work on a personal project, even though we agreed I’d have that time. I still care about her, but I’m mentally and emotionally drained. Is this relationship worth saving, or is it time to go our separate ways?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 1 year and 4 months. I’m 26, she’s 25. Things were really good at the start — we had so much in common: music, books, Star Wars, Gundams, sports. I genuinely felt like we had something special and deeply connected.

We met while working at the same company during my internship, and we both ended up losing our jobs due to job cuts. During that time, she started spending a lot of time at my place — like 8am to 11pm almost every day. It got to the point where both my mom and I felt overwhelmed. We eventually made an agreement that she’d only come over on the days I worked from home, but even then, she would often show up earlier than expected and want my attention while I was working. I understood that she wanted to beat traffic, but it made it really difficult to focus. At one point, I was seeing her around five times a week, and it became too much.

From the beginning, I made it clear that I’m someone who values space and alone time. Not because I don’t enjoy being with my partner, but because that’s how I recharge. She said she understood, but over time, it felt like she took every request for space as rejection or avoidance. I always felt like I had to justify my need for downtime or time with friends — especially if those friends were female.

A few ongoing issues:
• She was extremely insecure and often questioned how I saw her or assumed I was losing interest.
• She wore revealing clothes even after I expressed (politely) that I felt uncomfortable with her wearing them in certain settings — especially around my family. My mom even brought it up directly after a family event, but nothing changed for long.
• She would ignore boundaries, like coming over too often despite multiple conversations and even after my mom voiced concerns. The behavior would stop briefly, then return.
• She didn’t have many friends of her own and leaned entirely on me for emotional and social support. I tried to be there, but it started to feel overwhelming and draining.
• She was very suspicious about my female friends, despite me introducing her to them and openly sharing my location.

We even tried couples therapy, but I started noticing that while she said all the right things in front of the therapist, her actions outside of those sessions didn’t reflect any change. It started to feel like we were stuck in a loop of the same arguments, temporary improvements, and eventual regression.

The most recent issue happened after we agreed I’d take a weekend to myself to work on a personal side project (something work-related that I was trying to focus on). I ended up having lunch and doing some gunpla painting at a friend’s place that Sunday — still within the boundaries we agreed on — and she messaged me:

“I just don’t get how back then you thought going out for lunch with me disrupted your workflow and was a waste of time, but now you can paint and do your coding tonight. Isn’t that going to disrupt your time too? It looks like you only prioritise what you want to do.”

She then accused me of being manipulative, said I avoid conflict, and claimed I make it seem like she’s stopping me from progressing in my career. None of that felt fair, and honestly, it left me mentally exhausted.

Right now, I just feel drained. I still care for her deeply. I know she loves me and that she’s doing what she knows — but it’s becoming harder and harder for me to feel like this relationship is healthy. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I’m trying to reflect on whether this is something worth saving, or if we’re just incompatible in fundamental ways.

Would love to hear any outside perspectives.

Comments

  1. Throwawaysei95 Avatar

    What are you actually getting from this relationship? It sounds like she exhausts you most of the time. If some space is what you need to recharge and she doesn’t respect that, how long are you willing tolerate it? Do you actually think she’ll change?