Less of a questions and more of a revelation and looking for input..
It has become so abundantly clear that women in the United States (at least women we see in the media) are AFRAID to age.
So many treatments for this that it has become totally normalized and the new beauty standard to get Botox, filler and even surgery.
Why have we become like this? Why do we refuse to let ourselves age naturally? Is it because of social media? Selfies and FaceTime, zoom meetings so we are constantly looking at ourselves?
Comments
I’m not afraid of aging. This dumb stuff is mostly normalized because women are by and large the ones perpetuating these standards.
Hot take: You cannot be a feminist and also promote anti-aging rhetoric or beauty standards. This includes but is not limited to Botox, filler, or whatever else is being dished up to you by the patriarchy this week.
Ugh I was just thinking about this. I’m only in my early 30s and I have a lot of gray hair. I KNOW people judge me for “letting it go” too early, but I just refuse to spend the money to keep up with coloring it. And the funny thing is, I think fake color looks just as bad since half the time I can see their roots before their next appt.
Nah, I think it’s fearmongering, we’re in the freeist age of women aging that has ever existed in modern times. The type of content you receive related to aging, however, is whatever you engage with thanks to algorithms. I don’t believe in aging being a bad thing, just like many of my friends, and our algorithms don’t have kardashians and skincare anxiety because we’re unbothered by the topic to begin with for it to be pushed to us.
I am definitely afraid to age, but not necessarily in the same way as I think a lot of posters on this sub. Like, I’m sad about losing my looks over time but it doesn’t keep me awake at night. I feel like I had my time in the sun and it would be too narcissistic of me to want to stay there forever, especially when I’ve understood from the start that the bloom of youth is rarher short.
I’m scared of the real, physical, functionally impairing aging – the kind that really takes off in your sixties/seventies if you don’t take better care of yourself. That stuff terrifies me.
I definitely think it’s because of Social Media, but it also extends farther than just plastic surgery. I left instagram and facebook, and I also refuse to get on tiktok.
I went back to my hometown and some of the women I have known from high school want to be so badly ‘in’ with the 20 year olds. It’s weird because they act like they have regressed and are constantly vying to be the first one to buy something trending on social media. Vacations matter more than retirement savings and they parrot whatever pop psychology is going around on the platform without really understanding what it means.
Just frustrating, lol.
Eternal youth has been part of the human mythological lexicon since the dawn of time. The Bible has characters that become almost a thousand years old. In Norse mythology we have Idun and her apples, vampires are the consummate concept of never aging beauty etc. So no. Humanity has seemingly feared aging forever.
I just reread Valley of the Dolls for the second time. This whole afraid to age thing is a longstanding tradition. Nothing new about it, just the tools we’re using to battle aging has changed.
I don’t think we’re more afraid of aging than previous generations, I think procedures have just gotten cheaper and less invasive. 40 years ago, you just had to accept aging unless you had the money and fearlessness to get a face-lift. Now you can get fillers on your lunch break.
I don’t think this is anything new. It has been going on for generations (Avon) if not centuries. It’s the patriarchy holding women to double standards. According to sexist society, men can look better as they age while women are “over the hill” after 25.
It’s always been like this, now we just have people crying about it on Tiktok.
It’s social media. I think younger gens are definitely susceptible to social media and expecting everyone to have “filter face” outside of instagram, but it infects everyone because youth is seen as the equivalent of beauty (if you’re a woman). I see 20 year olds so frightened to age they inject filler into their face causing them to look almost 40. They tell people reaching 30 is death to them and it’s eye roll inducing.
To me reaching 30 was like a death, but a death of a younger me and embracing freedom to not give a fuck of what I look like to a degree. I still use retinol of course so 🤷🏼♀️.
I’m not afraid to age. I’m mid 30’s and love my gray hair. I have stretch marks and I’m fatter now. It’s part of life.
Those freaking out about aging are our grandparents bc they grew up around it, and possibly our parents and ourselves because of the cosmetic push of cosmetic surgeries, makeup, and procedures that celebrities and “influencers” push.
Life is short and we shouldn’t add even more stress about aging and just do our best to live happy healthy lives 🙂
I don’t know if it’s fair to say it’s a fear of aging in women. It’s okay to wear flattering make up, take care of your skin, and do the things that are within your budget to feel your best. I don’t think we should lose that right as we age as women.
My thoughts:
I feel reborn at 30.
People kept asking if I was scared to turn 30 some people even seemed giddy, like they wanted me to fall apart at the realization. I noticed, my skin isn’t what it was at 18. I get tired more easily. I feel pain more deeply. But mentally? I feel new. Grounded. Clear.
For years, I didn’t let myself think too far ahead. Some folks don’t know that I lost close family to cancer and car accidents before they reached 30, so I avoided imagining a future I might never get. But now that I’m here… I just feel grateful. Stronger. More confident than ever. Sometimes I even think about my grandmother at this age and think about some of the things that she couldn’t do and she couldn’t have and I do those things. It’s very refreshing and powerful.
I used to not be able to relate to the fear of looking “old”.. But that was when I was young and I had so many other things to worry about.
I think when the average woman hits a certain age, she starts to become aware of ageism. And then at another certain age, she starts to experience it. Women are more vulnerable to ageism than men. It isn’t an unrealistic fear.
I am 47 and I am not afraid of aging, but I am definitely becoming more aware of it. Sometimes I wonder if I work out so hard not just so that stay trim and strong, but also so that I can look and act younger than I am. I don’t want people to think bad things about my energy levels, intellect, or coolness because my face and my body scream “old lady” . And let’s be real. The woman who looks like somebody’s granny is not going to be given the same treatment as the woman who looks like somebody’s fun auntie. I want to be the fun auntie as long as I can. To be frank, I hate that this pretty normal desire is being framed like a gross character flaw. I love my 98-year-old grandmother. But I don’t want to look like her, not now or 40 years from now.
Will I ever get Botox or a face lift or some other cosmetic treatment? I don’t know. I dont think I will, but I am not going to sit here and pretend that I wouldn’t consider those things if I woke up one day and I was unhappy with what I saw in the mirror. I never thought I would be the type of woman who would dye her hair to hide the gray, and yet here I am with dyed hair. So I am open to anything. I am not going to get hung up on whether that “anything” is driven by fear or just a desire to maintain the look I have always had. If all my hair were to fall out, I would probably get a wig. If all my teeth were to fall out, I would probably get some dentures. If these decisions aren’t a big deal, then neither is getting some Botox. This is the way I see it.
Out of the entire friend group, I only know one who had Botox and she gets migraines too. So for her it was a win win.
In Colorado it seems like the focus on aging is not surgeries or lash extensions, but on fashion and styling. People aren’t getting lip fillers but they are focused on trends.
Of course the trends seem to move slower out here and Denver has always focused on the Clean Girl Aesthetic.
I’m seeing hair dye as the only things people are doing regularly to cover aging. Meanwhile I’m hoping for more grey hairs so it’ll be cheaper to go back to the pink hair I gave myself during quarantine.
I hear it’s different for my friends and relatives on the coast, but even they with all the purported additional pressure haven’t gotten work done.
So I wonder how much of this is actually just algorithms and how much is really hitting the streets. Especially when I absolutely DO see women in Denver with lip fillers and procedures done, but they’re not in my social circles and are in their late 40s.
Actually come to think of it the only ones I’m seeing with lip fillers out here are MAGAs. Huh.
Let’s not forget that people will treat you differently based on your appearance, no matter how much you love yourself. I’m not advocating for getting Botox etc., but also if you want to get Botox that is your choice and none of my business. I think these conversations focus too much on blaming women for being insufficiently self-actualized, and not enough on blaming society for punishing women for visibly aging.
Truly, we live in a very death-phobic society. We don’t really talk about death and dying, and how it’s gonna happen to us and everyone we know.
I mean, people have been searching for a fountain of youth literally forever. But the US right now is also extremely anti- talking about this stuff.
The patriarchy’s obsession with youth is culpable for this shift in perception.
I feel really bad for the women subjected to pay cuts or no jobs due to aging. I’m 61 and still have my career although I’ve cut back of my own choice.
I think that some women by and large are starting to reject it. For example, many of us refuse to shave our bodies (to look like children), dye our hair, or get procedures. I can’t speak for others but I personally follow the theory that the egg doesn’t chase the sperm for a reason.
I am autistic and despise *any* kind of change I’m not in control of. I have no problem with aging/maturing in many ways, but I see no reason to allow my face to develop *wear* if that makes sense, just like I would take my shoes to a cobbler if I scuffed them or wore through the heel plate. Aging well is like a fine patina on good leather. Aging badly is like wearing through a heel without repairing it, or having your cobbler turn a bespoke shoe into something it isn’t (see also duck lips and a lot of the overfilled faces).
The idea of conservative cosmetic treatments (preventative, lower dose botox; eventually a deep plane lift; filler is too unpredictable) is to maintain consistency, not make myself look like someone else, which is what unchecked aging does, especially when living my life the way I choose to. Some crinkling around the eyes from smiling a lot can be elegant! Deep, static frown lines cannot.
I also *really* do not want to look like my mother at any of the ages I’ve known her at (she had me at 50). I take after her in bone and flesh structure and I don’t want to look like a melted bulldog, thank you very much. I value my appearance as a major asset in my field (specialist consulting, I’m the front and “brand” of the firm) and I am absolutely an aesthete. I surround myself with things I consider beautiful and well formed. I intend to keep my face looking as best it can and as consistently as I can.
Key to happiness is acceptance! That being saao, I want to remove the stress from the my life. It ages women very fast . I do have a skincare routine so that my skin is clear and radiant but I dont want to look 20 . I just want to look my age .
I think all of the above. I think European women think we are insane! And it’s starting so much younger… All my friends daughters in their 20s and 30s are doing Botox and fillers.😧
So much shaming women for not aging naturally and wanting to use the tools at their disposal, color grays etc. I see it this way- acne is a large part of the puberty experience and no one bats an eye at teens trying to fix their acne with whatever budget their parents have. Its natural and a lot of teens go through it. Why are aging women who do interventions seen as part of the problem or victims of patriarchy lolol
I’ve just started reading Hags: the demonization of middle aged women, so I can’t give you all the answers, but this book is already making some points right off. Of how women are viewed in patriarchy, the role of “femininity,” and how losing the trading markers of these things place us in a “non existent ” state re: patriarchy. One which we might have been conditioned not to want to enter. Yet unless we die, we all will cross that post-menopausal divide.
Btw, not sure what you mean by “is this the age”? 30? Thirties and beyond? Some of us are on the “plus,” or beyond side.
Cosmetic surgery is one of the few things that is immune to hedonic adaptation.
Winning the lottery is not for example.
You can go to the weight loss subreddit and there are thousands of people who all are shocked at how much better they are treated.
You can to google scholar and see how impactful the halo effect is for a multitude of benefits in a number of domains.
I think it is actually one of the more rational things people engage in. Making people feel guilty for caring is probably doing even more damage.
Honestly (I don’t know how to say this without sounding egotistical, but I’m gonna say it anyway lol), I’m getting better with age. I just turned 46 and feel like I’m the “prettiest” I’ve ever been (my husband has basically said the same thing to me). I have done no work outside of moisturizing and consistently wearing sunscreen on my face. So I definitely don’t feel afraid to age. I also don’t compare myself to younger women because I am not their peer anymore and I don’t want to be or look like them (I really try not to compare myself to anyone but I often fail at that).
But to answer your question; I think it’s easier now to get little things done to hold back our age for a little while, and I don’t begrudge anyone doing what makes them feel good. This isn’t a new phenomenon, women have been trying to look younger for centuries now. It’s unfortunately a large part of patriarchal society, women’s worth has often been tied to how they look, and tbh a lot of women are the ones that uphold this impossible standard towards other women.
I mean… someone called me a jealous old hag because I called them out on being a 49 year old man who was chasing after 18-22 year old girls. I’m 31. Lol
People, including women, act like your entire life is over past 25.
I’ve been having an unproductive and ridiculous conversation with a few folks on adulting about the fact that men also have a biological clock. It’s shocking how people absolutely refuse to believe that just because their 50 year old husband impregnated them. It’s even more upsetting to see it from women. The thread was a man in his 40s talking about regrets he has about never having kids and people are literally commenting and telling this middle aged man to become a passport bro, travel to shop for an 18 year old wife from another country or try dating girls…and women in their 20s. Ignoring the fact that half of a pregnancy depends on the man and it’s him that’s too old, and getting a younger woman won’t make any difference.
Like I’m fuming about this lol. There are actual woman that are commenting things like “well you’re a man so you have all the time in the world”.
Then we have male celebrities dating barely legal girls. People defend them and see no problems with them.
We see on tv and movies the male leads grow older and the female leads grow younger. Dakota Johnson is in a film with Pedro Pascale and Chris Evans. They’re each over a decade (or close to it in Chris’ case) older than her and play her love interests.
It was a big deal for Babygirl to even be made. (I have not seen it cause I can’t take Nicole Kidman seriously lol). That is rare and shocking. Yet, a 50 year old man and a 35 year old woman as love interests? Their age difference wouldn’t even be brought up.
So yeah. Women have every right to be afraid to age because the whole world is telling us we should be afraid lol. I basically gave up at 27.
Yes it is. I came home from travelling the world and all anyone can talk about is Botox. Good god. Get outside and live your lives!!
My theory is that the double standards for women and men about postponing visible signs of aging stem from the fact that female body is only valued for the reproductive function in society. Even if we consciously understand that women have so much more to offer society, I think that unconsciously that’s the driving force why women try to delay visible signs of aging as much as they can. Because wrinkles and sagging show decreasing or absent fertility, and that means lack of value in our society. And we all want to feel valued and valuable.
I am afraid to age the way of muscle loss, menopause, mobility, independence etc.
grey hair, wrinkles, etc are fine.