I feel like women are expected to be self-conscious, insecure, or even dislike the way they look, even if they are conventionally/objectively very attractive. And that a lot of men think that a woman who is comfortable with how she looks or even (god forbid) thinks she’s hot or attractive is considered conceited/narcissistic and must be humbled. I feel like most men want/expect us to be insecure or hate how we look so and then to be flattered whenever they tell us we are attractive.
I spent most of my youth (after a lot of bullying) feeling hideous and hating my appearance, and only after many dozens of people (men and women) have gone out of their way to tell me I’m physically attractive/hot/beautiful do I realize that I actually am fairly good-looking. I’m not like miss universe or drop-dead stunning 10/10 beauty, but objectively attractive in my own unique way, and even hot/sexy (if I wear flattering clothes/some makeup) sometimes. To boost my confidence when I had zero self-esteem, I hired a professional photographer to take some photos of me and I thought “damn, I’m actually gorgeous in these photos and it’s such a shame/so sad I spend so many years despising my appearance”. Now, I don’t go around bragging about my appearance nor do I ever say in real life or on social media that I’m hot shit, because that would feel weird and a little narcissistic. It’s more of a quiet internal understanding within myself that I know I’m decently attractive. However, I feel like men expect me to think I don’t look good, and if I were to say/act like I do then I’d be considered conceited or vain. In summary: I know I look pretty good (even tho I’m not the most gorgeous woman ever), yet it seems like most men find it unacceptable/a turnoff for a woman to know that.
Comments
That’s capitalism for you. If you’re insecure about how you look or dress, you are more incentivized to buy stuff to supposedly remedy the situation.
Yes that’s a tool of patriarchy to control women, weaponizes by capitalism. It starts really early too.
Yeah, to make it so we have no mental capacity to think about anything that matters or would actually benefit us as individuals.
Yep. It’s a way to control women. And to get our money on top of that. Insecure people are much easier to manipulate.
Not my experience. Media? Sure, they want you to feel bad so you’ll buy things. Men in my actual life? Nothing but great. I was underweight last year when I visited my dad and commented I was trying to put on weight. He said nothing about the way I looked. This year I have gained the weight I needed to and commented on it while visiting and he said “You look really healthy.” My partners since I’ve had kids? None have commented negatively on anything and have only had sweet things to say about things I think are imperfections. I’m trying to think if I’ve ever had a man comment negatively on my body in person and I don’t think it’s happened…I have never worn any makeup and my hair is very thin and flat and I cut it like 2x a year so I’m not a walking super model.
I think ethical narcissism is good. Be in love with yourself like you’re your own girlfriend. Be obsessed.
The ethical part is obviously treating other people badly but outside of that go wild, love yourself like you’re the best thing out there
A lot of this happens internally, just be an ethical narcissist