I am 22-years old man. I’ve heard racism and misogyny in every all men friend group I have ever been in. At work, college military even my high school friend group which I tought was pretty decent-minded people. And by racism and misogyny I don’t mean minor disagreements. I mean like literal n@zi-sympathizers and ”stronger-gender” talk. And just how casually racist and misogynistic jokes I’ve heard. And even the ones who aren’t making them are laughing to them. And how come I have never heard anything racist in friend groups where there is women?
Like what am I suppose to do? To this day I have just tolerated because I don’t wanna be without social circles? But my last straw was on last week at party this group that hang out tought it would be fun to blast erika and scream the n-word out of the aparntment window?? The reason I have been hanging out with them is that I know some people from it individually and I would’ve never tought that they’d be participating in anything like that. But here they were laughing at this behaviour.
This same thing has happened in every single all-male friend group I have been in. In college, work, high school and military. Why is it so hard to find male-friends who are not either racist or misogynistic? Or am I just hypocritical and have too high standards for people I hang out with?
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It’s not all men, just find the RIGHT ones. Tbh, it’s better to not have friends than have ones that you don’t like. Maybe you can be friends with women too, Thats COMPLETELY okay! Im sure they’ll love you!
Nah you’re right, if they’re not racist, they’re sexist and it’s like come on bro
Met racists of all types and a wide range of extremes. Most common I’ve come across are anti white and anti Mexican in my travels.
Here or there is generally not a big deal. It’s a norm of the male experience- the clue is the frequency and egregeousness of it. Constantly talking about it or whatever is obnoxious and I don’t need to hear nigger yelled at the top of your lungs all the time
To be honest cool groups wouldn’t want you, because you sound annoyingly, cool groups are never in the search for people who say shit like “I’m a liberal”
My husband has many friends who are not racist or misogynistic. Turns out, they’re also a lot healthier and happier in other parts of their life at work and at home. Keep looking. If someone is so happy to be cruel to a stranger, chances are they could easily turn cruel to a friend. And maybe don’t be afraid to explore the left or find men that are strongly liberal. You’ve been ok agreeing to disagree with the right, maybe do that for the other side of the spectrum. Maybe read Sex and World Peace. Maybe ask the women in your life to introduce you to their guy friends.
Idk typically “all male” groups aren’t conscious or aware or thinking about that sort of thing. I’m sure there are a couple really bad organized nefarious groups of men and maybe even a few you described but personally I’ve never had this issue where I felt there were genuine racists/bigots commonly among all groups of guys I meet.
Men’s Bible Study group?
Here’s the thing generally especially all male friend groups says the most out of pocket shit but they don’t really mean all that generally. Are you sure these people are actually dead serious or they are just joking?
My male friends all say the most racist and 25 to life type of shit but I know they are just messing around. They can literally be the straightest fucking guys but they’ll rub your thighs and say please fuck me daddy 💀
So in conclusion you gotta be able to see joke vs actual concern. Because trust me most of these guys aren’t racist or misogynistic they are just fucking arounf
You can go to a big city and/or find people who are a few years older than you. The pandemic caused a very stark rift in gen Z.. it’ll start to swing the other way eventually but for now a lot of the 18-21 (male) demographic came of age in lockdown listening to Andrew Tate.
On the other hand, the 23-27 demographic came of age going to protests against gun violence etc during the first Trump administration. You (and my sibling) are right in the middle, and you’ll find a lot more like minded people who are just a few years older than you.
Its not possible i believe. Most men likes being cruel to others (in my opinion).
This is so concerning and sad to know how much of that is out there but I guess it’s not surprising considering the political climate and division being caused by the internet and extremist groups.
It’s hard to find friends to click with in general. Thank you for your post and I hope you find your group of decent people. I believe they are out there
Honestly most of us guys try to fit in, it’s about survival, sometimes I swear some friends say shit just to say shit and be cool. Just tell them honestly, dude that shit isn’t cool and being kind and respectful is much cooler than being racist and misogynistic! I swear some people just pretend to be something they are not because they think it’ll help them be accepted by society.
Find trans men to be friends with lol
It’s obvious to me that your maturity level has surpassed these other guys. It takes some others longer to realize how hurtful their childish words and actions can be. In the meantime, maintain your values and don’t be afraid to tell them how wrong they are. Stay true to yourself and your ethics.
Are the majority of these male friends white or Hispanic? I’m sorry I gotta ask because it’s ALWAYS those particular group of men I always see this from.
When I was in the military I ran across it ALL THE TIME. Hispanic men were very misogynistic as well but they were on equal footing with the white men when it came to that. Personally I think they were both equally racist and sexist.
I’m a Black female and I kid you not I was always exposed to some form of joke where these type of men would always make disparaging jokes about women or some crazy racist joke that would always leave me saying WTF?!
Naturally I’d speak up and say something but they would always defend their case and justify their cause.
Truth be told I don’t think these views and mindsets will ever change until those that have children decide to actually raise them up to not have these ideals or mindsets.
So it’s a whole lot more common for men think like this than society would like to admit. There is nothing wrong with you it’s just how a lot of men are.
Now you see why a lot of women are strong advocates for feminism. It’s like a lot of men secretly hate women or something it’s so strange.
And the racism things is pretty crazy too. This one is probably just as deeply engrained as their hate for women.
To answer your question you just have to diligently search for like minded friends is all. That’s the only way you’ll find those who have no interests in these kinds of talk or mindset.