I’m 20, reasonably attractive, and neurodivergent. I like reading at the park, watching ducks by the pond, lying in the grass listening to music. It’s calming and doing things alone is how I recharge. But lately, I’ve developed this horrible anxiety, because no matter where I go, it’s like clockwork, some man will blatantly stare at me like I’m a piece of meat and then approach me.
And it’s never innocent, I can feel the energy shift the second they walk up. The leering stare that feels like I’m public property to be dissected. The fake small talk. The “just trying to be friendly” act that’s always laced with sexual undertones I’m supposed to politely ignore. It’s like the moment they spot a girl alone, minding her own business, they treat it like an open invitation.
I just know if I were a man sitting alone reading a book, NO ONE would interrupt me to ask what I’m reading, where I’m from, or whether I come here often. No one would hover, no one would “strike up a conversation” that turns into a 30-minute monologue I’m expected to smile through.
It’s the entitlement that exhausts me. They see a woman alone and decide they’re owed her attention. If I were a man sitting on a bench with a book, no one would come over to “strike up a conversation” that I’m expected to smile through for 30 minutes. But because I’m a young woman alone, they treat it like a free invitation.
And God forbid I don’t respond warmly. God Forbid, right? Then suddenly I’m a bitch. Cold, rude, overreacting.
I’m just so tired. I shouldn’t have to overthink what I wear or scan my surroundings every five seconds. I just want to exist in public without having to defend why I’m alone. Is that really so much to ask?
Comments
Women from all over the world will relate to this. I’m usually a blunt person and the worst part is when I’m alone, I have to be cautious not to provoke fragile male egos in case something bad happens.
It’s ok to be a ‘bitch’ to keep your peace and sanity. Do what you gotta do, and say what you wanna say to cut them off. Life is too short to smile and nod through all of these situations every damn time
its so fucking annoying. in some situations, like when im knitting or crocheting, so not reading i might even like some friendly chit chat if the vibes werent just incredibly off with these guys. ugh.
btw i once was sitting at the park reading a book, like a thriller or something. a guy interrupted me and said “i have been watching you for a while and you just look so sad and i thought maybe you want to talk about it” first of all wtf? why are you watching me “for a while”? weirdo. and secondly yes my facial expression might reflect what im reading which is murder and despair. and thirdly do you fucking think if i was actually sad i would tell some random asshole who has been watching me(?!) about my personal issues? delusional lmao
and btw i then tried to explain to him that his approach might not be the smartest way to get a friendly response and he just huffed and walked off. like ok? im trying to help you dude
Last time I was waiting for my train alone with headphones AND a book some rando approaches me and started chatting. I took my headphones off and said “Sorry?” Then he started saying “you have a lovely smile.” I responded oh “sorry I don’t have any change i don’t carry cash.” Put my headphones back on back to my book. He looked pissed and said something I didn’t hear but I just said “I can’t help you maybe someone else can!” And ignored him. He stared me down a bit and then a train came along and he walked down the platform. Totally ruined my peace! I felt on edge after that and made sure not to get the same train as him. Why does seeing someone with headphones AND a book look like an open invitation. Smh
I’m picturing small carry-able A-frame sign boards that say “DO NOT DISTURB!”