I never thought i would have sex before marriage as that’s what i wanted and believed in until i met him a few months ago.
A little back story he is my dad’s worker😬 not the best situation to be in but thats how we met. We had instant connection and i felt as if i had fell in love. I don’t think i regret doing it, he definitely did not force me into anything and acknowledged every feeling i felt which im grateful for.
However i’ve realised that im always looking for his attention since its happened as it was a very big deal for me and im still trying to process it. I feel as if he’s not able to give me what im looking for, maybe im asking for too much? Which can be the case but i really need someone’s support and i want that to be him as i can’t talk to anyone else about it. He’s aware of how big of a deal it is for me but i don’t think he understands how im feeling now.
I always thought i would be so connected to the guy i first do it with which i am but im also pulling myself back ( i don’t think he has realised this) and thinking of ending things because i don’t know if what we’ve done is right. I don’t regret loosing it but i might be questioning if he was the right person which is solely because of how he’s been acting since then. Don’t get me wrong he keeps reassuring me and telling me he loves me and is giving me attention, but it just doesn’t feel enough.
It’s been a few days since it had happened, he said something that upset me to a coworker as a joke, which he apologised multiple times. I would’ve laughed about it normally and said something else but i felt very emotional and was holding back tears. I know im very sensitive about everything right now especially it coming from him. What upset me wasn’t necessarily what he said but that he didn’t think about it upsetting me as im still trying to process it and didn’t think that i could be sensitive about it right now. It made me think, does he really care or is just acting like he cares?
I keep thinking about how we have hardly ever gone out, he’s never brought me flowers. Ive done more for him than he has for me. I keep thinking about our future, if it’s going to work out. He hasn’t settled anything and wants to get engaged in a year and a bit. I feel as if he’s not capable of handling that responsibility but again i wouldn’t be able to tell you why i think that. This might be stupid to think about but it is going through my head alot.
I think im overthinking and i need advice, iv’e got no one to speak about this. Please tell me if im over reacting and how im meant to handle this situation.
Comments
You can have as many lovers as life brings you you do not need to marry anyone just because he’s your first if this relationship doesn’t make you happy don’t be in it.
Trust me, feeling odd after loosing your virginity is SO normal. In fact I would be more concerned if you felt normal or happy after your first time lol. That being said, the connection between you two is something only you can understand. Communication is important and since you both are very young feelings can get confusing. But I will say, ALWAYS trust your gut instincts, a woman’s instincts never lie. You’re young, you have nothing but time. Never feel shame to walk away from things that don’t feel right, it’s all part of the human experience!
You deserve someone who doesn’t make you overthink
Congratulations, you’ve just discovered the gra d lie you parents told you. That the first time would include fireworks. Sex is great and awesome but it’s sex. Now that you got the first one done….go for some quantity and enjoy.
I don’t think ur being too sensitive! Totally reasonable to feel emotional. I say rlly think abt what u like in this guy and if ur goals align. Engaged in a year imo is kinda crazy. Ur only 18 so maybe consider uni or some education before all that (also more opportunity to meet new guys lol). This might be bad advice but if u can give yourself an idc mindset and just focus on urself and ur own goals/friends, I am confident u will feel sm better. If you rlly want to stay and try to make it work, first communicate all this and see if he can change. You need to detach and know that you’re good with him and good wout him! Even go no contact for a week or two and see how u feel cuz sometimes we like ppl when in reality they’re just the ones that are close in physical proximity, if that makes sense. Best of luck ;)))
I lost my virginity to someone I didn’t even like. No ‘I love you’, nothing. I just wanted to finally lose it because I felt like I was too old to still be a virgin (I was 20). Afterwards, I felt rather let down like, ‘that’s it? That’s what everyone makes such a fuss over?’ I made a decision that once was enough for me and I was good. About a month after making that decision, I met the first person I ever loved romantically. If you don’t feel love right now, don’t worry. Sometimes, love is around the corner when you least expect it.
Type here what you’re expecting more that he do for you
To begin, all of your feelings are valid. Also, I do think most people who lost their virginity aren’t exactly happy with the experience be sure it wasn’t the way the always imaged it to be or the person wasn’t (because at this age we aren’t as mature as we’d think we are and neither is the person we’re with). I get he’s 21, so you may have assumed him to be more mature about it, but at the end of the day 21 is still pretty young and there’s still lots of maturing and learning needed.
I know you expected to marry whoever you lost your virginity to, but that tends to not be the case because our match at 18 is rarely our life partner/perfect match. There’s still a lot of growing needed for everybody. But I’d also like to advise you to try your best not to feel guilty about it not working out the way you imagined because this is perfectly natural and normal and that means you now have hit a life milestone and that’s huge!
I think it’s also good that you realize now that maybe you aren’t getting what you need out of a relationship, and that’s ok. Keep thinking about your feelings and let yourself feel them. And if you feel this isn’t the relationship you want, then it’s ok to not be in it. The longer you stay, the harder to leave. But also, you may prevent yourself from finding your person if your gut is telling you your current bf isn’t that for you.
Pls feel free to msg anytime! I’m 22F and have had my fair share of experiences and moments like this 🙂
I’m old and didn’t wait for marriage either, but the older i get the more i realize why it’s a good idea. The security, monogamy, if there’s an accidental pregnancy you’re already a family. Assuming one makes a good decision about a partner, it’s the best case scenario. Sigh. Life.
A woman has sex and her body is entered. She is the one at risk of getting pregnant. If she gets an std it can kill her. The risk lies on the woman and so you are feeling vulnerable, and I think it’s a biological response. Give it some time and sit with your feelings and really ask yourself what you want moving forward for yourself.
The first time isn’t always great. Frankly, mine sucked and the guy I thought I loved went off to college and got himself a new girlfriend. Let it go, and move on.
He took your v card. You cannot get it back. I would never marry a woman who is not a virgin.
What you’re looking for is inside your self. But you’re young & our bodies & hormones do these things & will make you get trapped in a relationship with a partner that you won’t be happy in. I would cool things off & make sure you’re doing things with him bc he is who you truly want to be with. Dad’s not going to keep him around once he finds out any how love. Put all that love your searching for towards yourself. Fall in love with you. Masterbate a lot . I’m serious. It’s important to know your body first . So you know what you like . You will have plenty of guys to choose from in life.
OP, did you use any form of birth control? If not, ypu need to get a Plan B pill as soon as you can!
This situation is hard enough to deal with as it is, don’t let it get more complicated.
Its really not as big of a deal as it is made out to be. Probably 1/100,000 stay with the person they lost their virginity to. Very very seldom