Hi, I’m 20F and am just about to complete my 1st year of university. For the last few years, maybe longer, I’ve felt incredibly unhappy and I feel like I’ve completely lost my personality. I feel like I have dead eyes, I’m completely numb inside and I am so so scared of judgment from anyone. I always feel rejected everywhere I go, even tho I’m in “relevant” circles at uni, I feel like I have to be shallow and superficial to be liked by those people, have to look and dress my best and can’t say or do the wrong thing. I just feel like a clone of others around me and like I’ve lost any depth. I think it’s because I had a hard time in high school- I was unattractive, annoying and somewhat of an outcast- I think when I finally started looking pretty and dressing nice and getting positive attention I took it to the extreme and now I feel like a hollow empty human who only cares about social status and looking pretty. I deleted tiktok to try and stop comparing myself but I still compare myself in real life too. All my friends are so pretty and I feel ugly next to them, even though I am not ugly. I gossip, I judge, I drink excessively, I have no passions anymore, I’m lazy. I’m just incredibly lonely as I feel I have no true motivation or drive or goals in life and I hate it so much. Anyone who has overcome something similar in early
I’ve become a shallow person with no personality-what do I do?
r/Advice
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Is there any hobby you used to like and gave up on ?
Is it possible to get therapy through your uni ?
When I felt too fake two years ago and hit rock bottom, I changed major, signed up for swimming classes and gym (i used to love swimming, and signed up for the free uni gym because my health was declining). I deleted social media, and even though I sometimes downloaded again to talk with some friends, it felt better. I began seeing my uni therapist to help see clear through my life which helped me having a new perspective on how I socialize with people. I joined a student association with quirky people, so I could let go and be a bit more myself.
I still judge others and myself, I still gossip and still have some bad habits, but I feel a bit better now.
Sounds like you’re burnt out, im not a super smart psychologist or anything. But recently I’ve felt a similar feeling and I have felt that before and it feels like losing yourself it sucks so much. Surround yourself by people you find funny and like, give yourself a break. You are doing so good :)) at what many people can only dream of achieving. I’m not really good at advice but I hope you know this comes from the heart, best wishes ✨.
Best I can tell you straight up is stop giving a fuck of what people think of you and what to wear for them for your approval, be you my guy, they don’t control your lifestyle or persona, you control you and be you, that’s the only way youll be stop be hollow and shallow. Focus on your goals, focus on your grind to get in life, being pretty for someone are not going to give you a better life but a small complement.
You’ve lost touch with yourself by seeking external validation, but you can change that. Reconnect with hobbies and interests that make you feel alive. Spend time alone to reflect, journal, or even try therapy. Focus on friendships where you feel comfortable, not just liked. You’re not stuck—this is just a phase, and you can grow into a more authentic, fulfilled version of yourself.
I think you ought to spend some time alone. If you like to read, you’re probably a good candidate to read some of the philosophy of the Stoics, the book “The Daily Stoic” is a good, casual introduction to that kind of thing.
If you want something a bit more spiritual, I think you might really benefit from a book called “The Ladder of Divine Ascent.”
Interesting, you said, dead eyes. It’s popped into my head recently that I’m giving dead-eyed nihilists whenever I go out in public, but somehow, I snap out of it whenever I need to interact with someone, which surprises me. I’m surprised when my voice doesn’t sound like I’m incredibly depressed. Sorry, I know that isn’t very helpful.