I don’t think anyone in my life knows how deeply unhappy I really am. I laugh when I’m supposed to, show up when people ask, keep the “I’m good, just tired” smile on repeat. But under it all, I feel so disconnected from myself, from people I love, from the life I’ve built around me.
And the scariest part? I can’t even figure out when it started.
I have a decent job. A partner who’s kind. A few close friends. On paper, everything looks fine. But somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling present in any of it. I wake up and go through the motions. Eat meals I don’t taste. Say “I love you” out of habit. Laugh at jokes that don’t touch me. I post the happy pictures, keep up appearances, but I feel like a ghost in my own life.
I think I forgot how to want things. How to be excited. How to hope. I used to dream so big I had goals, passion, a spark. Now I feel like I’m always a few steps behind everyone else, watching life happen from a glass wall I can’t break through.
Some nights, I just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering how long I can keep pretending before it all catches up to me. I wonder if anyone would even notice the shift if I stopped trying. If I stopped smiling so much. If I stopped pretending to be okay.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I know some people have it much worse. And maybe that’s why I haven’t said anything. Because there’s this guilt like I don’t have the right to feel so numb. But I do. I feel it every single day.
I’m not writing this looking for sympathy or advice. I just needed to say it somewhere. To admit it out loud. Because maybe that’s the first step to figuring out what comes next.
If you’ve ever felt like this… you’re not alone.
Comments
This resonates so deeply. That feeling of being on autopilot while everything around you looks “right” is one of the loneliest experiences—like you’re performing a role written for someone else.
It’s exhausting, carrying that invisible weight. The guilt of feeling broken despite having “no reason” to be only makes it heavier. But pain isn’t a competition, and numbness isn’t ungratefulness—it’s just another way the mind tries to protect itself when something isn’t working.
For what it’s worth, naming it like you did here matters. That glass wall isn’t unbreakable. Sometimes the first crack starts with admitting you’re on the other side of it.
Holding space for you, stranger. However quiet it feels right now, you’re still here. And that’s enough…
I feel the same way for a long time now. Glad to read that I am not alone though I feel sorry you are going through the exact same.