For context, I’m a 15 yr old (F) from the Philippines with a super religious family. My parents, 48 M and 45 F think that dating someone before finishing school and getting job is a sin. Not only them, but my entire family automatically thinks that if you date someone while still in school, you’ll end up stopping your education because you got pregnant.. They have really traditional views and I’m scared what will happen if they found out I’m dating someone. My dad also isn’t afraid to lay his hands on me and beat me whenever he’s mad, so his reaction is what scares me the most.. I really love this guy (17, M). I met him while I was in 14 and in 9th grade while he was 16 in 10th, and we just clicked. But because of my parents, we were forced to keep our relationship a secret. However, lately, my mom and dad’s friends keep seeing us together and I really think one of them told them… I really don’t want to leave him, but I’m scared of what my parents might do to me—to us. Yesterday my mom cleaned out my room while I was out and she found the box where I keep the stuff he gave me, which includes a picture of us with a note in the back confirming we are dating.. I found out that she saw it because the box was open when I got home with the items rearranged. Ever since that, she’s been bringing up boyfriend stuff towards me and It’s freaking me out. I’m scared, what do I do? I really don’t want to leave him but I’m scared they’ll hurt me or worse him.
TLDR : I’ve been hiding a relationship for 7 months because of my traditional and religious parents because I am afraid of what will happen as they’re not the nicest of people and are not afraid to hurt me. When I was out yesterday my mom cleaned out my room and she found a box containing items from him, which contains a picture of the both of us as soon as you open. When I got home, I saw the box opened and II think my mom found out and knows I’m dating someone. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to leave him either.
Comments
I don’t know what you can do?? Especially if your dad hits you. Maybe for your safety you need to cool it off for a little while?
I’m really sorry that you have to go through such a stressful situation. I also experienced a secret relationship when I was 15, and believe me, many young people go through the same thing. I’m even sure that our parents, as strict as they may be, went through something similar. Their fears, though rooted in traditional mindsets, usually come from genuine concern for our future.
The first and most important thing is to show that you can be trusted. That means keeping your studies as your top priority and not doing anything reckless. Believe me, at our age, when emotions are strong, we can make impulsive decisions that we regret later. Don’t let their worst fears become a reality. Prove through your actions that you’re mature and responsible.
Your safety remains the top priority. You mentioned that your father can be violent, and that’s the most important factor to consider in any decision you make.
Your mother, on the other hand, seems to be opening a door for conversation. The fact that she brings up the topic indirectly and not in an aggressive way might be a sign. She’s probably trying to figure out how to handle the situation, torn between her beliefs and her love for you. She could be an ally,or at least someone you can talk to more easily than your father. That was the case with my mother, and it took me a lot of courage. I won’t lie to you, reality can be hard to face. My mother asked me to end the relationship, saying that if the boy truly loved me, he would wait until I turned 18. The truth was bitter: I later found out he wasn’t worth it. I’m not trying to compare our stories, but what I learned is that, as teenagers, we often think we’re always right and that the world is against us. But the way you see things now won’t be the same when you’re 18, 19, or 20 (my current age). We grow, and so does our perspective on love.
There’s no perfect solution, but here are a few options to consider:
-A careful conversation with your mother. If you feel safe with her, choose a calm moment to talk one-on-one. You don’t have to confess everything. You could start with an open question like: “Mom, I noticed you’ve been talking about boyfriends lately. I wanted to know what you really think about it, and why it’s so important for you and Dad.” The goal is to understand her fears so you can reassure her.
-Honest communication with your boyfriend. Talk to him about your fears and what happened with the box. Explain how serious the situation is and the risks involved. Together, you should decide what’s best for your relationship. A healthy relationship is built on honest communication, especially during difficult times.
-The cautious (and risky) option. You could choose not to confirm or deny anything for now. If asked, you might say he’s a “classmate” or a “close friend.” But be aware that this is risky,if your parents find out the truth on their own, things could get worse, and trust could be completely broken.
Never take a risk that could put you in danger. Love that’s truly worth it will always understand that your safety comes first. If you have any trusted adults around you, try talking to them about it.
What worries me most in your story is your father. If his violence gets worse or becomes frequent, don’t hesitate to contact a helpline or an organization that supports young people in distress. You have the right to be protected.
But I know that in many places, such situations are brushed off as “discipline,” and organizations like that barely exist.
The key element in all this is communication,though I know it’s not always easy. Take care of yourself.