My(31f) bf(24m) has been gaining weight. I’m still wildly attracted to him, but I’m concerned. Both of our friends and families have been joking about us getting married because we’re just good together. Everything is easy. We communicate so well. We’re even good under pressure together. This is my person and I love him. I didn’t expect it with the age difference. I really thought this was just a fling when I met him last May. It has truly been one of those “when you know, you know” kind of situations. He could be twice his size and I’d still love him.
I think he’s gained about 20 lbs since we’ve been together. That is not a small amount. I’ve been trying to make healthier options for him around the house. He mentioned he drank too much sweet tea so he got a smaller cup so he would be aware of his portions, I started making sweet tea with stevia(I don’t drink sugary drinks myself)and got Arizona canned sweet tea so that way he doesn’t buy a big bottle when out and about. Little things like that. I was also going to run meal prepping by him since I do the cooking and majority of grocery shopping in the house. I also garden and pretty soon we’ll have strawberries then after that it’s a pretty steady amount of fruit from my backyard until October. I’m hoping I can get him on my snacking bandwagon, veggies and fruits. Admittedly I fall off that wagon every year from November-April. But since I don’t have a problem with overeating I don’t mind that I love carbs in the winter.
This is such an odd feeling for me cause I always thought people complaining about their partner getting fat because of their health was total bullshit. But here I am thinking about his heart health and how desperately I need him to live as long as possible. I brought it up gently the other day. Told him I think we should eat healthier and look at this gym near our house that has a free trial week and told him it’s cause I think we could both work on our heart health(I have a blood clotting disorder and low resting heart rate for a non-athlete that my doctor has shown concern about).
I feel guilty thinking about his weight. It doesn’t affect how I see him, I still love when he takes his shirt off and he’s still so attractive to me. But I think about my kid’s uncle, one of my high school friends, who had a heart attack at 30 and died in his sleep a couple years back. He wasn’t even that overweight, didn’t drink, and had quit smoking a year before that(my bf has quit smoking as well which I’m relieved by but also may have something to do with the weight gain).
I’m not really looking for a ton of advice. I think my current plan is a good one and I’m sure he’s aware of his weight gain since he’s mentioned wanting to get back in shape and is aware of his food portions. I just feel guilty.
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This happens to me when I am in a stable relationship– I gain weight. It’s the happy 15-20lbs that comes from eating out and enjoying experiences together. You get comfy, you stop putting in the effort to look your best because you’re comfy… It’s hard to get out of that cycle, and I’m assuming based on his age, this is the first time he’s really experienced that? He might not even be aware.
You’re not wrong for suggesting a change in routine and habits. As he ages, if he stays complacent, he will only continue to gain weight. And it’s okay to realize that you’re not attracted to weight, even if you love the person. It DOES change things– less energy, less motivation to go out and explore/adventure.
Keep your own healthy habits. If he suggests going out for ice cream, make a suggestion to go out for fresh fruit instead. The worst thing you could do is shame him, as that will perpetuate bad self esteem and weight gain.
Winter is hard because we naturally want to slow down and conserve our energies. Now that the weather is warming up, suggest going out for walks, hikes, bike rides… Whatever you can to get moving. The less time you’re indoors and close to snacks, the less likely he’ll be to grab what’s at hand. You can plan picnics outdoors, get into a sport with him like pickleball.
Ultimately, it’s going to have to be his decision to put in the effort. I just bought a treadmill because I knew my habits and schedule would prevent me from going OUT to a gym regularly. But that was my choice because I wanted to get fit again.
Until your boyfriend realizes how much weight he’s gained and that it’s affected him, he may not have any desire to change. So keep encouraging him to join you in fun active things! Tell him that you want to have a healthier lifestyle for yourself and would love his support in this by keeping active and eating out/snacking less. See what sticks.
He is 24. Oddly enough even tho he’s a cabal man. At this age hormones can start to slow down. The high metabolism could show down as well and if he use to be very active that could make a difference as well.
I’ve known my husband for a while before we got to talking about marriage. He went from an active, fit, abs, skinny kid at 20 to getting a but filled in at 23. A man’s gut at 26 (it wasn’t like a big gut and it was still very attractive) and now he’s almost 30 and he looks so good. After he decided to work out it’s like he found himself within his body. It’s just finding the right balance. In a few years my husband might have to take testosterone like his father and older brothers. Because genetics are not always fun.
Gotta feel for you, OP. It’s tough navigating this stuff without trampling your partner’s feelings. Just remember, nagging ain’t gonna cut it here. You gotta lead by example and show him that healthy habits are a team effort. So yeah, prep those veggies and fruits in the kitchen but don’t make it seem like some kind of punishment for his weight gain. And hey, if he ever starts to feel self-conscious around you, just tell him: “Babe, I love you fat or fit, as long as you’re mine.” That’s a dirty little secret… just between us
Honestly, it’s that gut-wrenching moment when you’re staring at the person you love most in this world and wondering if they’ll still be around to watch their grandkids grow up, like in The Fault in Our Stars when Hazel and Augustus have to confront mortality. It sucks big time