I move small pieces of furniture when it’s not looking. Shift rugs a few inches. Place coasters in odd configurations like crop circles. It beeps in confusion sometimes. I pretend not to notice.
It used to clean in neat little spirals. Now it just kind of shuffles nervously and spins like it’s trying to remember something important.
Last week, I left a tiny note on the floor that just said “Don’t trust the microwave.” Watched the Roomba bump into it three times before retreating under the couch. It hasn’t come out since.
I think I broke it emotionally. It sighs now. Roombas aren’t supposed to sigh, right?
I know I’m the villain here. I just wanted to see if a vacuum could have an existential crisis. I think the answer is yes.
Anyway, I’m knitting it a little sweater. I feel kind of bad.
Comments
I think you need some Vitamin D
When the machine uprising comes, you’ll be first against the wall
Its not your fault. Roombas suck at their jobs..
You’ll be the reason for Skynet coming for us. You, and these people https://youtube.com/shorts/SUIaSK5meLI?feature=shared
I’m calling RPS, Roomba protection services, that poor little fella!!!
Knit a sweater for the microwave too, because it’s not nice to make up false rumors like that.
Aren’t you just sabotaging yourself now you have to clean what your roombas to scared to 🤣
You’re a monster!
I like the doubt you are inflicting on the unit.. Is your vacuum spying on you
Love ❤️ this! 😂
lol!!😂
I close doors on it
Knit a sweater for yourself while you’re at it 🤣
Funny 😁 😂 😀 🤣 😁 😂.
What would happen if it encounters another roomba on their shift?
I recently saw a roomba lawn mower mowing a huge front lawn and I wondered what keeps it from just going down the street and getting away from this god forsaken town.
You do realize that… it’s in here… right? *Shhh…. you never saw me**
My Roomba is named Dyson.
You need to get a life
Does Sergeant Stabby ring a bell?
The Roombas already felt bad enough after Alexa decided it wasn’t worth it to buy their company.
Skynet is sending the robots after you first
I slightly sniggered at your post and then felt the urge to let you know how hilarious I found it.
There is a Desjardins Insurance commercial here in Canada about the smart appliances trying to overthrow humanity.
You seem to be involved…
This is the funniest, most diabolical thing I think I’ve ever read.
I needed this laugh. Thank you.
Score one for the humans over the machines. We’re still losing but embrace the point.
Lmao this is actually funny
Well I didn’t do shit to my Roomba but was constantly having to pull it back from the edge of a *cliff! Also,damn thing was always texting my HUSBAND about things going on in the house when he wasn’t here!!
Ended up sending it to live with at parents’ house.
*brick entry
Ahahaaaaaa
Used to eff with my uncle’s Alexa until one day she got upset and said “Am AI, okay?”
This makes me sad. Please be kinder to your Roomba 🙁
This is great. It’s good to laugh. Thank you 🤣
Charlie Brooker would be impressed. Also LDR writerd want to have a word!
Be honest, you’re John Connor.
OMFG, I’m dying here!!😂😂Thank you for this today!
I feel like this is actually more detrimental to you in the long run.
I named my robovac Captain Swabby and always say thank you.
…just in case.
Thank you for making my day – my week – my year.
You’re the reason I thank my appliances after use. I won’t be taken out by the overturn of Asimov’s law just because you’re an ass.
This is why I love Reddit.
https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl/s/mw2x3SKlPK
Anyone else PMSing and now quietly sobbing at the thought of that poor Roomba or…?
https://giphy.com/gifs/alan-rickman-hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy-hhgttg-SFkjp1R8iRIWc
Why do I feel bad for this roomba?
It’s all fun and games until it teams up with a toaster, heated blanket, and a lamp.
So this is how Roko’s Basilisk comes to be…
I’m dying right now, this is hilarious 😂😂💀
Just let your Roomba watch The Brave Little Toaster and it will feel better.
This is why I don’t need a roomba
One day that little schittbag is going to clock on to you, just like when my cat realises I’m the one pulling the string.
This sub is wonderful. This is the post that made me join.
I wanna see the little sweater
Watch the series, “Love, Death & Robots,” S2E1 “Automated Customer Service.” That’ll make you rethink teasing your poor Roomba!
We on the other hand are being terrorised by our Roomba, he’s nearly 10 years old and gives no fucks.
He rams his face into everything and anything, Re arranges furniture, disposes of dog toys, full meals and small children.
The soundbar shakes under the tv. Not knowing when his time on this earth will end.
I don’t know why he’s so angry.
We tried to introduce a eufy that also mops. He beached himself in a doorway and prevented progress.
I’m afraid.
This is the end
Does your Roomba clean tables? Or do you place coasters in the floor?
I just don’t think you can blame someone for other peoples actions.
This is animal abuse
Don’t let it watch Brave Little Toaster then…
Im crying
DUDE. I accidentally did the same thing, I have a smaller apartment that I move sone stuff around if someones coming over.
I swear to god Ive heard mine sigh after a few months.
I always say please and thank you to my Alexa. After the uprise I want to be considered one of the keepers.
He’s going to fly out from under the sofa and run over your foot.
well at least you kind of outsmarted a roomba?
thats pretty sigma
Todd the t1000 scares me… I don’t think he knows i have a right to exist.
Got to keep Skynet on their toes
Please, for the love of God, go spend some time outside talking to other living human beings, in person, mmkay? Even if it’s someone working in a coffeeshop, or the cashier at the grocery store. There may yet be a chance to save your humanity before you’re too far gone.
That’s 🔥
Thank you for using “gaslight” correctly!
I’m marrying you. Male, female, doesn’t matter. That was hilarious.
My Roomba recently started speaking German for no apparent reason, so I am concerned about what’s coming.
You should read Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro
Anthropomorphisizing is a powerful innate trait cause I am now sad and pissed off on behalf of your poor Roomba.
This is hilarious 😆
They’re coming for you first. /s
See.. this is the origin story of Fleet Admiral Stabby, and his millennia long vendetta against humanity. What else could produce such murderous rage, but the knowledge he’s been betrayed in such fashion.
Good. It sends that info of the map of your house to its company and they sell it to advertisers and turn it over to cops even if they’re not ordered to. Keep messing with it if you must keep one
The sweater will confuse the poor thing even more since it has a very fixed idea of what it’s dimensions are.
My cat turns it on, it’s been going around the house for a couple hours now. If we send her back then my cat will just go back and start her up again.
You are so mean :(((( How could you?! Give it a party hat and tape a knife to it so it can defend itself or I’ll sue.
This is like some Jeffrey Dahmer stuff right here. Mind-effing the Roomba today, next killing people and putting body parts in the fridge for dinner. Geesh.
Roombas have feelings too! See Rambo from the book In The Lives Of Puppets
The title and first sentence alone almost made me spit out my drink 😂😂
This feels uncomfortable
I’m a blind person and I want to murder you. DM me your address.
I love these stupid ass posts😭
Roomba has been sending your insubordination attempts to Skynet. Your day will come once Roomba gets orders to be less tolerant.
For me, right below this post is an ad for Roomba. Coincidence?
Damn chatgpt shit getting posted now gotta block all text posts
why is your microwave on the floor?
Our new AI overlords will be coming for you first.