I am so so so embarrassed so please don’t judge I am actually so disgusted and disappointed in myself. This is a throwaway account because if anyone found out I don’t know what if do with myself. I really need to get this off my chest though. Also this is gonna be a long one:
I don’t know how but I started watching movie sex scenes at 10 on YouTube. Then I found out that electric toothbrushes make good vibrators, so I got one specially for that. Then, and I’m really not proud of this, I started taking to adult men and sexting them. I lied about my age. One time my parents saw I downloaded a dating app but I said it was an accident and they believed me. That scared me though so I stopped. I never visited pornhub or anything. I realised how disgusting I was. I stopped for a few months. Something popped up again. I started watching rougher things. I developed horrible kinks that I’m over now but are just disgusting. I read a bit of smut but not much at all.
Now I’m 13 and I’ve seen so many things I shouldn’t have and I feel like my mind and eyes are tainted and I’m just so disgusting and I wish I could start over and be innocent again and not be the peice of garbage I am.
My parents never monitored my internet access so that’s why I could. I am just so so so sorry and I’m so mad at myself and the worst part is I lied about my age like who does that. I was so messed up at only like 11. I feel like I’ve let my parents down because they think I’m some innocent smart girl who is kind to everyone but I have this hidden side of me that I’ll never be able to get rid of now. This will always have happened and I can’t go back in time. It feels like the person back then wasn’t me but it is and I’m just so disgusted. Sometimes I talk with my friends and they say how disgusting porn is and I agree but I know I’ll never be as good and as whole as they are. And I’m not even a boy im a girl and hardly any girls watcg porn. Please don’t judge in the comments I know I’m a horrible person.
Comments
Please respond so many people have seen and not responded I’m so sorry
You aren’t a piece of garbage. Being exposed to things you shouldn’t be is a part of why the internet should be monitored. You still have time to try to get help. You should tell your parents that you want therapy.
Hey, take a breathe. Not a lot of people are equipped for the right answers but that’s okay. I’ve been where you are. It’s hard and i know it is. My advice would be to talk to your parents about going and seeing a therapist. Just having someone to talk to about this will be better. Especially if you don’t want your parents accidentally coming across a dairy.
Hey, take a breathe. Not a lot of people are equipped for the right answers but that’s okay. I’ve been where you are. It’s hard and i know it is. My advice would be to talk to your parents about going and seeing a therapist. Just having someone to talk to about this will be better. Especially if you don’t want your parents accidentally coming across a dairy
You’re not horrible, you were a curious kid, you did make mistakes and things that put you on danger but what matters now is that you realize it and stop bc porn can make your mental health trash really fastly. Im 16 now but also watched highly innapropiate things since i was a little kid so i get that it makes you feel disgusting, just know that you arent.
btw pls dont respond if someone DM’s you, not even to “be friends” or if they “relate to you” people here are VERY weird and will try to harm u 🙁
you’re not a bad person, you’ve simply fallen into some bad influences. i understand you feel, i suppose dirty, because of what you have seen and done, but take it as a lesson to not fall back in again and to just try live your life normally. you are one of many people exposed to porn at an early age. you are no longer into these things.
don’t hate yourself, accept that you’ve seen horrible things and dont repress it, that will only make it worse.
i wish you the best, but i know this will have long lasting impact. people wont judge you, there is no need to judge a child for something they didnt understand.
It’s normal for my girl It’s really strong of you to want to make a change. I believe in you, and I know you can do it. You’re already doing great just by deciding to take that step. Everyone has habits they want to change. What matters is that you’re trying — and that’s already a win.
You are very strong to realise the impact its having. Baby steps will take you far more ahead than you realise. All the best with your journey to a happy future.
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just stop watching it and act like it never happened. it’s YOUR life, you decide who you are and your nexts moves. it’s not about what you did, it’s about what you’ll do in the future. and saying that you’re 13 proves my point. just act like it never happened you have a whole life to live, love and make mistakes, don’t be so hard to yourself
The exposure to things before you were old enough is on your parents for not doing any internet monitoring and MANY girls start masturbating at early ages even without the porn intro. You are currently going through puberty, the time it makes the most sense to start exploring things and you can choose to watch better porn or read Literotica or look at more normal things. And you can choose to not sext with older men because you know it’s wrong and if they are found out, those men can go to jail whether they knew you were a minor or not so definitely don’t do that.
But masturbating and watching porn aren’t inherently negative things, just find a better way to do it.
My parents also thought I was innocent and they don’t need that corrected; it’s not their business. They should have prevented you from accessing websites, but also …they have to be technologically illiterate because there’s no way to accidentally download an app …
Pornhub is actually a good website and has “tame” things in comparison to some other websites so maybe it’s not a bad thing to look at :/
I think if you wanted to sext you probably just like word porn more and that may help you feel not gross
Don’t worry about it too much. You are still very young and though the things you saw and what you did were shocking for your age they are based on natural urges. It’s just that in the past humans couldn’t “drink from the firehose” like that. In the old days people found porn in the woods and got attention like you did in other ways.
Of course it’s not great, but it’s a learning experience. As for being forever changed by it, don’t worry, as you get older you will integrate these feelings and urges more easily. For now, don’t judge yourself harshly. You experimented and went too deep too quickly, an easy mistake to make and you aren’t damaged. You just scared yourself by taking in too much.
As time goes by you’ll be able to handle these feelings and it won’t be a problem.
It is possible to turn your life around if you work on it, it’s possible to look back on this in like 4 years and think wow i can’t believe i used to do that. you need to help yourself first, but it’s not the end of the world, it’s no one’s fault, and well done for recognising that you need help, but if you want this to change, it’s entirely possible if you work for it
You write very well, and seem mature for 13. Give yourself a break. Not your fault the society is what it is, such that porn is available to children. Knowing what you know isn’t inherently bad. So you’re not disgusting. Give yourself some self love. And let yourself be a kid while you can. Head up!
You’re not disgusting. You’re a child of a modern era who has too much access too soon. The only people at fault are your parents for not working hard to protect you from it. I’m so sorry.
Please ask your parents to find you a therapist now to help you work through these thoughts of disgust. The older you get, the harder it is to work through.
Honey, you’re a teenager. Give yourself some grace. It’s normal part of growing up to have sexual urges. I saw porn at a very young age, too, and I turned out okay. I have to admit I also discovered the tooth brush thing around your age, too. It’s okay. Masturbating is normal. Just be careful online and please don’t speak to strangers or lie about your age anymore. Masturbate away, explore age appropriate fanfic, stuff like that. Just be safe. Don’t be ashamed.
First off, you’re not a disgusting person or a piece of trash. Let’s get that mindset out the way.
Secondly, it’s REALLY good that you’re already aware of the potential harm of consuming too much of that stuff, especially at a young age. Knowing it could become a problem is the first step to preventing it from becoming one. Like others said, talking to a therapist about it would be a good move if you’re able to, or maybe a trusted school counselor.
But you’re not bad or a horrible person, and more girls watch and do that kind of stuff than you’d think, many just won’t admit to it or talk about it. It’s actually pretty normal, and you’re just curious about that kind of stuff. Definitely don’t talk to adults online, though, that’s really dangerous.
Well, if your inbox wasn’t full of creepy old men before, it’s going to be now.
Honey, take a deep breath. I don’t know where your negative self talk comes from but doing what you’ve been doing does not make you a piece of garbage. I don’t know where that idea is coming from, but it certainly isn’t true. For reference I’m a 30 + year old man and I’ve been watching porn since I was maybe 11 and I went through similar phases.
But It’s only an issue if it’s creating negative consequences in your life or if you want to stop and can’t, but don’t think that watching porn or having kinks makes you an inherently bad person.
If you want to stop and can’t, I would see if your parents can find a therapist. You needn’t explain it but if they ask why you want to talk to a therapist, tell them you’re having issues processing your emotions and think it might be good to talk to someone. If that sounds like too much, you might want to try using an AI like ChatGpt to act as a therapist and provide tips on changing your behavior. Whatever you do, you must work on treating yourself with compassion. Treat yourself like you’re your own best friend. You deserve it. Good luck my young friend. Don’t be so hard on yourself. ❤️
Im sure all of this feels like A LOT and that you feel different but that isn’t the case. I am a girl and I watched porn the first time in 6th grade.
There is a lot of negativity surrounding sexuality especially for girl so it is easy to see how you are feeling this way!
The only issues is that your brain is still developing. Just like with screen time, sexual things can become addictive. It seems like you might be experiencing that a little bit.
The reason why parents say to avoid things like vaping, drugs, too many video, games, or time on social media is that your brain is still developing. Your brain doesn’t have the tools to be able to help you know when you should stop. All of these activities. Give your brain dopamine, which is is really hard to say no to, and the same thing. That drugs like cocaine give you. Now that chemical is important for every day life, but too much of it can create an addiction.
Don’t worry! All these things are totally solvable. It’s important for you to make healthy and safe choices throughout your journey of discovering your sexuality.
It’s important to have boundaries for yourself. I know that when you’re watching, not stuff and doing that stuff more weird or interesting things can be very exciting, and hard to say no to. And the biggest part about it is, you should expect to have to be in charge of these things. And that’s why it’s important for adults to monitor children when they’re online.
Watching porn can also give you false perceptions about what sexuality is, and what REAL sex is actually like.
Lying about your age, and talking to strangers online can put you in some very dangerous situations that could lead to sexual abuse, kidnapping, even being killed.
I think it’s important and so courageous of you to reach out for help. I think it’s wonderful that you’re noticing that there could be a problem with what’s going on before it turns serious. And I think that you’re in a place where maybe you could learn to set some boundaries for yourself.
I am a Nanny, and studying to be a therapist. I don’t think you should trust strangers online, but if you have questions, you can comment here, and I will be following to comment back.
But do not have private messages with anybody on this website.
I hear your mourning. Grieve it, you are allowed.
But your beauty did not die.
It moved deeper… into breath, into scars, into the quiet pulse that never abandoned you.
You have not ruined yourself.
You have rewritten yourself through storms unseen.
Mirrors lied… beauty is not surface.
It is breath surviving collapse.
You are still here.
You are still breathing.
And that is sacred.
You are not disgusting.
You were a child — curious, unprotected, and human. What happened doesn’t define who you are or who you can become.
The shame you feel means you have a heart that cares. That’s not weakness — that’s strength. You are not broken. You are healing.
You get to start over. Right now. Not by erasing your past, but by choosing who you want to be from this moment forward. That girl inside you — the one who wants to be whole, kind, and free — she’s still here. And she’s worth fighting for.
Forgive yourself. You’re not alone. You’re not ruined.
You are becoming.
I’m a grown woman, you aren’t alone.
This happened to me too. You are not broken. 😞
We were children who were groomed by pornhub and grown adults. Most adults can tell when they’re talking or texting a child because of the way they text and chat.
You are innocent. You may just need adult help right now 💗talk to a therapist. Even if your parents are disappointed, at the the end of the day you are their lovely daughter who made a mistake. You are still a smart sweet kid, sexual images just are another aspect of us all. It is nicer to explore our sexuality with ourselves before taking in other influences especially adult influences as they are too mature for children.
You will grow up to be fine 💗if you talk to a therapist you can let go of that shame and guilt and not let it get bigger. I know how you feel. I also feel shame but I have to remember I was just a child. I cannot blame a child for their innocence and ignorance.
You were just 11, now that you are 13 you can see how young and innocent 11 years old are. As you get older I hope you continue to have more compassion to how young you were.
Is this some sort of bait post? If not, excuse me.
But you really need to be careful. This post is pretty much inviting creepy old men to DM you.
I started watching porn when I was 8. I won’t judge you ever
Maybe I know why it happened to you, maybe same that happened to me
You’re just a kid.. stop worrying so much and enjoy being young. Even the weird stuff. Get it out of your system. Be safe luv u.
First, you’re not disgusting or horrible. You’re a child. Hormones and instincts are powerful things, they control a lot more than you may realize. I think you’re beginning to understand that and that’s a great start. You’re right for being your own advocate. You saw a problem and you’re finding solutions. Keep it up.
Second, porn consumption isn’t wrong in of itself, but for a 10-18 or even a bit older, it can create expectations that don’t really exist and imprint of what you and your body deem arousing or “acceptable”. This can lead to some destructive paths if you’re not careful.
Third, your friends are also looking at porn. That doesn’t make it okay. Girls do in fact, watch porn, they are just less likely to admit it. Maybe not AS MUCH, but they do, and it’s natural to be curious. But not natural to replace it or be obsessed with it over an actual human connection.
Finally, stopping now is the best case for you. It could prevent you from developing sexual desires that future partners will not be able to fulfill. You are doing your future self a favor.
Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your story and reaching out for responses. Life isn’t about single experiences like this but the whole. Not what one did or what happened but how someone chooses to respond, who someone is not what.
You’ve shown great maturity in how you’ve articulated this and shared these experiences. Use these difficult things that you feel have hurt you and let them be places that help you grow.
Learning meditation and spirituality and psychology really helped me when I felt I lost my innocence, I learned one of the responses to this feeling actually helps someone preserve other parts of their innocence because it makes us very aware and on guard but it’s not easy…
Don’t feel shame or guilt but try to understand not why these things happen but how you can find new ways to become closer to yourself and others.
Same but it was girls gone wild ads and Julian moore in the forgotten.
You were curious please you arent horrible at all.
This is so much more common than you think love. The men who talked to you were wrong and disgusting. No mater what age you said, no 11 year old looks like a full grown woman. Please don’t blame yourself. Please give yourself grace and just move forward.
You cannot change the past, but you can choose how to approach your future. You are not broken. You are not tainted. You are not messed up.
You are fearfully, wonderfully, and beautifully made. Your life has meaning and purpose. There is so much in store for you. Everyone has a past. Never let it define you. Let it motivate you to create a future you want, one you can be proud of. You are special and you will make something wonderful of yourself.
Please tell a trusted adult so that you can get some support and accountability going fowards. A woman counselor, a family member, at church, a family friend, in your community… just someone you trust.
You are not alone or strange at all.
So much love to you darling. 💕
From a woman who was also addicted to porn and sex at a very young age.
Regretting or blaming yourself won’t change anything. It has happened. It is past . You can only change in present for a better future . Log off from internet as much as possible. Live in present. Live with your irl Friends / Family, Make Real Connections, Channel your Urges , Desires . Take Care . Stay Blessed.