So after discovering messages and grilling her for the last 13 months my wife finally admitted to sharing pics with a coworker at work and at home. The long version of how I found all this out involves her lying about 50 times or so. It sounds obvious what I should do when I type it and look at it. But what about 13 years of being best friends? She went to therapy but never told the therapist about the pics. She has no social media for a year and says she never will again. She seems to be trying to get back to where we were but I’m just still very heartbroken. Before anyone says she probably did more that’s not a road I want to go down anymore. I have good reason to think she probably didn’t, but maybe she did. That’s not the advice I’m looking for though. I’m wondering what to do based on what I know for sure. If we keep going therapy will be a must. We will need a venue and time to hash this out. We have no kids, three cats. There’s nothing keeping either one of us in this home but our love for each other and the home we’ve made. She’s been more on me about the therapy she’s tired of seeing me depressed. I’m 39. I don’t know what to do.
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Forgive but do not forget. It seems like you want to stay with her. A part of loving someone is being able to forgive. Just bank on the idea this is the worse she has done and just had a slip in character. I think therapy would be great, maybe put a date on things and if they dont feel better by then take a step back and reevaluate. Im sorry youre going through this, best of luck
It went on for over a year… That you know of. I suggest finding some space where you two can be away from each other. If you haven’t already, pick up some athletics or even better BJJ so you have a physical and mental positive form of income.
You need to figure out why this bothers you and how. Unfaithfulness is very personal. A boundary for one would be nothing to worry about for the next.
Why does this hurt so much? If the way she hurt you is so vital to your relationship that you put it into question, maybe you should leave.
If you can get over it, talk with her and find out why she did it and what’s wrong between you two.
We won’t be able to make the decision for you. Couples have arrangements that work for them. It seems the one you had was not working for your wife at least when it come to this issue. Can you talk to find common ground? Do you even want to?
She’s for the streets bro. Have more self respect for yourself if she couldn’t be faithful to you kick her to the streets and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve. Maybe harsh maybe not. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book
She admits to cheating after lying to you 50 times. And now she says that she is bothered by your depression that is directly caused by her infidelity lmao.
What a woman.
People have different tolerances and boundaries to this type of things, so asking online probably ain’t the best.
At the end of the day, the question is, can you forgive and trust her again? Or would this always be in the back of your mind? If you can’t let go of this betrayal no matter how much she is apologetic and you love each other, you should break up because it will just be a relationship of constantly stressing, feeling less than, and suspicion. BUT, if you love her and you can see how apologetic she is, and you can put the past behind you. Then stay and try to make it the best relationship and really move on from that.
But three days ago you posted about hopping your wife pegs you tonight? What went wrong so fast?
You got trickle truthed. You still might not know the whole story. I understand, I’ve been married for 13 years, 3 kids. But if I found myself in the same situation, I don’t think I could forgive and move on.
They work together. That emotional affair definitely got physical. Stop lying to yourself and Toss her back to the streets where she belongs
If they’re still working together then prepare for a reprise. If you’re even going to try they can’t be together every day
Very few marriages are problem free. Usually there is a crossroad, challenge or two that occur. You have to figure out for yourself if this is worth fighting for—same for her. I have known many couples with 50 years, and there is always a hiccup or two. It sucks, doesn’t make things better. It is a time to reflect on the marriage, where you think you both are and where both are going. It’ll be a struggle and painful either way. Good luck.
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD LEAVE HER. Do you have a father,Brother,Friend? You post it here for all the bots and 12 year old libs to answer? WOW
Run very fast to the nearest divorce lawyer. Think of this as a form of cancer that is currently in remission. You will always always always worry about it coming back. However, unlike cancer, you can actually insure this doesn’t come back to destroy what’s left of you. Oh, and get some irrefutable documentation of her communicating with the guy. Protect yourself.
Some pos co workers had been egging her on. It would have escalated eventually.
I been there, done that. If they get away with it once, it’ll happen again, and again, and again.
This is how me and my ex ended up. Breaking up. Similar even down to not telling his therapist he lied about being assaulted by a man. To hide that he hooked up with a man. Several times. And that was the biggest issue in the cheating. He didn’t see it that way. We had different perspectives on how he decided to hurt me. And his hurt mattered more.
You’re not alone in deciding to stick it out. But I left after a while. I couldn’t get past thinking about him getting pleasure while I sat at home crying for him not to go. Because I knew something was weird. Then pretending it was assault. Getting pleasure from someone by making them feel bad about his current relationship. Fucking sick.
I saw those messages. What he said about me when he thought I’d never see.
I’ll never forgive that. I deserve love that doesn’t hurt me.
We are morally incompatible. That’s why I couldn’t stay.
Sexting to me seems harmless enough. If she never physically got involved with the coworker, I don’t think it’s that bad. People could be tempted to have sex with someone else.
We’ve all had that one car that we loved. No matter what happened, we bought the parts and repaired her. We were comfortable, she served us well. We overlooked the amount of repairs she needed, the way she wasn’t driving the same anymore. We thought that it was cheaper to fix her than to buy a new car. We weighed the pros and cons, and loyalty was part of the pros. We did so much together, been through so much together, good times and bad.
We don’t realize how we weren’t being rational until she breaks down far from home, and you have to pay to get her towed. Then what? Pay for the fix? And then what? What’s going to break next?
We finally make the difficult decision. It’s time to move on. Time to get a newer more reliable car. It may not happen overnight…it’ll take a bit to find the right one. We go online looking at a bunch, we go to the dealerships, and then it happens..you come across one he’ll of a deal. You go take a test drive. It feels like you’re cheating on your old car, but you know you have to do this. You have to move on or be stuck going nowhere with the old car.
You take the plunge and buy the new car. It rides so smooth, less road noise, gets better fuel economy. The speakers sound better..its so clean inside. It handles better. It grows on you fast. You get compliments on the new ride. You start letting go of the old car and start to realize you made the right decision. Now you’re able to go places and do things you couldn’t before. You’re happy with your new car. You start enjoying your new car. You’re proud to your new car everywhere. You love to be seen in your new car. You even start dressing a little better to match your new car.
The old car was a pit. A money pit, a emotional pit..there were no benefits in keeping it going. You didn’t realize that until you got into your new car.
Good luck.