For years, I’ve told everyone I’m working toward my dream job – but if I’m being honest, I don’t even know if it’s something I want anymore. I chose this path because it sounded impressive and made my family proud. I kept pushing forward, hoping the passion would catch up. It hasn’t. And now I feel like I’m stuck living out a version of myself I created for everyone else.
The hardest part is that from the outside, it looks like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. People constantly tell me how inspiring it is that I’ve stayed so focused. But the truth is, I’ve been quietly questioning it all for a long time. I feel disconnected from the work, but scared to admit it because I’ve spent so much time and energy convincing everyone – including myself – that this is what I wanted.
I recently came into a bit of unexpected money, and for the first time, I actually have the chance to pivot—maybe go back to school, explore a different field, or finally figure out what I actually want to do. But the thought of starting over is terrifying. What if I make a huge mistake? What if I jump ship only to land in something just as unfulfilling?
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has been here – where the career you built starts to feel more like a performance than a passion. How do you begin to untangle what you want from what everyone else expects of you? I’m tired of pretending, but I’m also afraid of what comes next.”