Any boundaries that I’ve made about visiting, how long visits are, etc are completely ignored by my husband and my in laws. I just give up. I’ve been struggling with post partum rage bc I don’t get any time or space to be a human being. I also barely get any sleep.
My in laws texted out group chat todsy saying “don’t make dinner we’ll be there at xyz,” my husband responded “okay.” My husband won’t even be home at that time. I’m just done. No one gives a shit. All they care about are making excuses to see the grand baby as much as they can. I’m just done. I give up. Idk what to do.
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Sounds like he won’t be home to let them in.
Can you leave before they get there?
Therapy with husband ASAP.
He is your problem.
Edit to add: message him letting him know you were looking forward to a night without them. Let him know you’re disappointed in his spinelessness.
Dude, seriously I listened to a podcast about Andrea Yates today. MAKE SURE YOUR NEEDS ARE MET. You deserve space and sanity and room to breathe
Lol don’t open the door. You were asleep if they ask or minding your own bizzness. If they have a key chain the door or bolt it. If you gave a boundary and they ignored it then do the same to them. Why do you guys always take the high suffering road?
Go out if he won’t be there to let them in, not your problem no one made plans with you
The way I wouldn’t open the door when they showed up.
Or would just leave the house and not be home.
You have a husband problem. If that doesn’t get solved, you will be doing this for eternity
Text back that you are out
You stay with him. That’s a choice.
Boundaries are meaningless unless they are enforced. What are you doing to enforce your boundaries?
Text the group chat. “Today is not a good day for a visit. We will let you know when we are available next.”
It’s a group text? Text them back and say you’re not up for visitors today. If they think you’re being rude, so what? If your husband gets mad at you, so what? Give their feelings the same consideration that they’re giving yours.
If they just ignore when you have time or are free, then just never have time to be there.
Don’t answer the goddamned door
Now that you know what time they’ll be there, leave. Nobody consulted you
Don’t fucking answer the door. Close the blinds. OR leave with baby and go do something. Absolutely disgusting the entitlement grandparents think they get.
I would leave with the baby, even if it’s just a walk to the park. Your husband said it’s ok to come over without consulting you? Great, you assumed he was planning to be home.
Pack up your baby and go out for dinner before anyone gets home. Tell them you had plans.
You could straight up reply saying husband won’t be home and tonight is not a good night for you. Or you can leave the house before they get there. I’d personally be willing to take the potential hit to my baby’s sleep schedule to leave before they show up. And make sure you’re out for 2-3 hours. Pack a full diaper bag. Go to target, Costco, out to dinner, plus a long walk. Or go visit a friend or your family if they’re in town. And stay put until the in laws are gone, even if that means you stay overnight. When you inevitably hear from him, tell your husband you and baby are fine, but don’t tell him where you are. Of course, don’t do this if your husband has an explosive temper
I’m sorry OP. It’s easy to think of all the things you could do and beat yourself up about it. It’s important to recognize how paralyzing it can be in the moment and not to mention, exhausting. Asserting boundaries is a step and maintaining boundaries is a second step. It’ll get easier the more you can do it. It can be scary and intimidating in the moment, but you are your best advocate.
I would make sleep your priority. Is there someone loving you can visit to get some rest? A friend or relative?
I wouldn’t even be home either. Nobody asked you shit, so they can’t be surprised no one is there to greet them.
I would stop any and all communication and interaction. They don’t give a damn about what you want, so I would return that action in kind. Nobody, including your spineless husband seem to care about what you want, so plan your own day. I wouldn’t even inform them either. You are the parent, and their wishes really don’t matter. It all about what you allow to happen.
Your husband may have given up by not supporting you (and I’d be throwing the whole man away in that case), but you need to not give up on protecting you and your child. Because as soon as you do, they win. And you guys will suffer for it.
Husband replying is irrelevant if he won’t be home. You reply and say “sorry, DH won’t be home and that won’t work for LO and I tonight thanks so much for the invitation but tonight isn’t good for us.”
Boundaries are not boundaries if they do not come with consequences when they are broken. Every time you set a boundary and it is ignored you have to hand out a consequence or all you did is make a wish for them to follow something. I know you are exhausted and feeling defeated. DH needs to have your back. Tell HIM he has to have your back OR ELSE. Stop accepting commitments on your behalf without communicating with you first or there will be consequences. Determine what you are comfortable with and what you can do reasonably. And then do it.
“Husband, do not accept commitments from your parents without speaking with me first or LO and I will not be going with you.” “Husband, do not accept commitments from your parents without speaking with me first or LO and I will not home when you get here.”
“Husband, do not accept commitments from your parents without speaking with me first or LO and I will be going to stay with my parents for a few days until you can understand where I’m coming from.”
Does that make sense? Does it feel like something you can do? We’re here to help and to support you, ask us questions if you need to/want to.
If husband isn’t home, don’t answer the door. If they unfortunately have keys to your place, take baby and go to a park,library, or a mall.
Lock your doors! And firmly enforce the ‘if he isn’t here you aren’t here either’ rule. Period. Do not let them in.
Also, if you can’t leave, get a door stop for your room. If you dont want them there, take the baby & go to your room.
And seriously, if you dont have your ducks in a row to leave, start working on that now. Your mama’s boy isn’t gonna change. Get out of that hell any way you can.