I was 23 when I had my first abortion. My boyfriend at the time was unfaithful. He was always cheating on me but I always forgave him. I guess cheating is something that was just normalized since every man I knew cheated so it was the typical boys will be boys type of thing
When I found out I was pregnant I was really pushing the idea of marriage to my boyfriend at the time. We were together for nearly 5 years and we lived together. He kept making up excuses that he wasn’t ready for a commitment like marriage but he was ready to be a dad and how he always wanted to be a father
I just couldn’t have a child out of wedlock. That’s it. It wasn’t for any other reason but I refuse to deal with the social shame and single mom stigma. I want my child to have a father and married parents. I basically gave him an ultimatum and said that if he doesn’t marry me, then I’m going to get an abortion. He honestly changed his demeanor completely after I made that threat. You could tell he was disgusted with me
Well, he didn’t want to marry me for the same reason he always claims that he just wasn’t ready for marriage yet and how he’s too young to be a father, even though he was much older than me at the time. He was 29 at the time. I’ll never understand why it’s usually the men that are scared of marriage and not normally the other way around
So I got an abortion.
And he told everyone
EVERYONE
It made me suicidal. I come from a very conservative African American household and an abortion is just about the worst thing you can do. Everyone treated me like a criminal. I’ve lost so many close family members and friends over this. My own auntie doesn’t talk to me anymore. They all talk crap about me. I miss having family. My mom still talks to me but you can tell she hates me. I’ve been told why would I do that to an innocent baby. They didn’t ask for this. Sometimes it haunts me I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I really couldn’t have a child alone. I need to be married first. I need a ring on my finger before I start popping out babies
It’s just crazy so I heard from mutuals that my ex boyfriend is now in his mid 30s and engaged with his pregnant 22 year old girlfriend that he only dated for like a year. I saw their engagement/maternity photos. Shits crazy
Comments
Don’t feel guilty he wanted to tie you down with a child. It was not fair for you you’re allowed to have your wishes and he wasn’t ready to commit to you why should you sacrifice everything including up to your life to have a child with someone that didn’t even want to commit
You did the right thing. Your family doesn’t care about you the way they should 🙁
Your body your choice however if marriage is so important that you’ll have an abortion then stop having sex until then
Your body, your choice. Most family members won’t even help once the baby is out. Find a man that would love to be a husband and a dad. 🙏🏻
Your whole circle sounds awful. I hope you’ve found better people now.
While you made a mistake, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ll pray for you. As should they.
You did what’s best for you and that’s all that matters.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. You were betrayed by someone you should have been able to trust. Then ostracized for exercising you rights over your body.
Funny how you were shamed and he wasn’t. The double standard is alive and well.
Hold your head up high. You didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone else did.
Honestly he sounds terrible so you did what was best for you. You may not have family anymore but at least you aren’t tied to that asshole for life and you know people in your lives true colors. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry the pro brothers can’t see that.
I think this was the best outcome out of this whole situation (the ab*tion not the family reaction). He sounds like an awful person and so immature to expose such an intimate detail about you. It was better you didn’t carry a child with such a man-child guy. And I am sorry you went through so much pain. Hugs 💞
Find better friends! Therapy will help you recover too. You did the right decision!!
He didn’t want to marry you or have a kid, so the good news is that you don’t have a kid with someone who behaves like this.
That being said, I think you need to ask yourself how much of your family’s “values” are compatible with your life. Why should you be shamed – if you’d had the baby as a single mom, you would have been shunned. If you get an abortion, you’re shunned. I think you need to talk to a therapist and work on unpacking some of these outdated (and frankly misogynistic) attitudes so you can start making major life choices out of confidence instead of fear.
I (ideally) need a lifetime partner before I have a baby. I don’t need a ring on my finger, or marriage. Problem here is you didn’t have one. If you kept the baby he probably would’ve left not long after, or even during the pregnancy. Proof of that is in the cheating. He was already emotionally unavailable.
I won’t say you did the right thing, but I will say you didn’t do the wrong thing. Basically, there was no good choice here. Only what you felt was best for you (and any potential child).
You put yourself first – you did nothing wrong. Abortion is healthcare!
People honestly think it takes more commitment to be married than to PARENT A CHILD and I will never understand it
If you had had a baby out of wedlock, they would have shamed you for that.
Ghandi said “I like your Christ. I don’t like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”
Your family are hypocrites, like so many people who called themselves Christian.
Jesus would never have rejected you. Remind them of that.