My partner never replaces the toilet roll, maybe never learned because before me he was some magical merman whose butt was always cleaned by fish, idk. Leaves the holder empty. Alone. Exposed. Cold. Annoys the **** out of me. Especially if I don’t notice until I’ve sat. I resent him for the waddle walk to get new paper. No women wants the penguin as their spirit bird.
So recently when I replace the roll I put it on the wrong way and leave the roll unstarted. It looks immaculate. This way he 1. Tries to use nice, pristine new roll. 2 Realises he can’t find the end. 3. Tries tearing the edge the right way around, which doesn’t work. 4 either hacks into it sideways like some dyslexic bear or pulls the roll off, finds the end, tears it properly, and puts it back on. Just how I have asked him to do but he ‘doesn’t remember’ to actually do. But this way was 8 times as long and meant I stole 15 mins of his poop game time. Justice.
Comments
I’m both happy and sad for you
You and I are already friends.
Don’t replace it either. Take a roll in with you and put it back in the closet or wherever you store them when you’re finished.
Start taking a roll into the bathroom with you and bring it back out when you’re done. That way when he needs to use it again, he’ll need to grab a roll himself.
😂😂 I like you stranger. I do this as well.
Dysfunctional relationship
Funny!
But WhyTF don’t you store extra TP in the bathroom?!
I sort of applaud you.
You won’t fix him, but maybe you can save yourself the waddle? I will always have TP storage near the toilet. In my current bathroom, I can reach around to under the sink. In the small bathroom with no cabinet, I have a TP canister like this:
In my flat we take turns buying the TP, but some aholes never buy it. So when we run out, I have my own roll I bought in my room that I bring with me, so that when they need to take an urgent shit they have to use itchy ass paper towels on their delicate, too-lazy-to-shop butt cheeks. If they notice the absence. Or else they’ll just dirty their underwear and fuck em bastards
For the record, I literally don’t care bcs other than that they are being little shits on other situations lol
I’d simply check first then bring a new roll with me for my use, then put it back in storage. Let him see the empty roll and deal with it.
Stop leaving it in the bathroom. Just carry some in your pocket.
My wife used to do this alll the time. I started leaving the empty roll for her. It only took once or twice of her needing and not having toilet paper to make the point.
Next time, flatten the roll so that it only releases one sheet at a time when he tries to roll it..
I’ve left my bf with no paper
OP is wrong. All TP must be free range TP. Shouldn’t be on the holder, should just roam around the bathroom. Free the TP!!
In my bathroom I have a stand that holds 4 rolls of toilet paper. Never high and dry, or in this instance, low and wet.
Remove all TP from the bathroom before he goes to drop a turd.
I hate your thoughtless man-baby partner. This can’t be the only shit (pun intended) he pulls to make your life that much less comfortable. Think about it….
Replace with a roll of sandpaper.
Have you considered to replace it with sandpaper?
Get a nice bidet. It’s such an upgrade for your life. I don’t even use TP anymore unless I’m out. When I do, it just feels dirty and wrong but not in a good way.
That’s how you roll
You should get a lock box with a clear lid or something with a key. Hide the key or keep it on you so that way only you can use the toilet paper. That is true petty.
Good, the only pettier choice would be never pooping in the house again. Leave this toilet roll problem entirely to his weaponised incompetent ass.
How the hell does a grown-ass man “forget” to put TP on the roll?
“Like some dyslexic bear” – my new favourite sentence
You know him I don’t.
If there’s a chance it takes him half the time you think for him to turn a loo roll round and get it started.
I can’t help but think you must have other problems.
You have my sympathy 🙃💩
We got a toilet stand with the roll holder on top and it works great
Just drape a few squares over an empty roll, so it looks like there’s enough there. {cackles in evil}
I replaced the spring loaded toilet roll holder with one that has a lever swing arm. No one can claim they ” have trouble putting the roll on” ‘.
You don’t have backup rolls within reach of the toilet if the holder is empty?
Brilliant! There is also an optional way to handle this. Don’t replace it at all. Keep a roll somewhere handy (that he can’t see) and grab it when you use the facilities. Then take it back when you are done.
My gf also refuses to replace the roll. Crazy right?! A week or so later after asking her to put the roll on properly, she still didn’t AND then took the roll I put on off. When I asked, she said it was bc she doesn’t want the roll to touch the wall…we’ve been in this same apartment for months already and she just recently said this. I contemplated carrying my own roll bc who tf does that?!
This gave me a good chuckle. My boyfriend also did this, until I started collecting the empty rolls he would leave and put them in the most unhinged locations. Several times on his side of the bed, overtop the tv remote, in the car on the windshield wiper handle, overtop of toothpaste tube, inside his sneakers…he couldn’t escape it. It’s been a year and I rarely have an incident. Stay strong sister!
Weaponized incompetence
I vote for hiding all the toilet paper next time it runs out and he doesn’t replace it
I suggest you buy a cute basket put a roll of toilet paper in it and put it on the back of the toilet and use that to replace the empty roll. Keeps you from having to do the waddle walk. Remember to put a new roll in the basket. My solution to the same problem.
Reminds me of the time I was living with my then boyfriend in an apartment and his older brother moved in. Dude never put the toilet seat down. I even fell in once because I didn’t turn the light on because I was sick and tired and didn’t feel like blinding myself. I kept asking him to please, please, please, put the toilet seat back down after he’s done. He says he forgets and to get over it and put it down myself because it’s easy.
So I started putting the toilet seat up literally every chance I saw it down. Even if I was only walking by to get to my bedroom. Forcing him to have to put the toilet seat down every time he had to take a shit. He finally caved and asked me to quit putting the toilet seat up. I said “sorry, I forget, you should probably get over it and put it down yourself, it’s easy.”
He was pissedddd
Keep your own personal roll hidden away.
I have the opposite problem. Once a roll has any whiff of running out (1/4″ of paper on the roll) my roommate will start a new one, and put it on the tank. I have seen up to 3 started rolls while there was one on the thing with enough paper. The tank ones have never made it to the holder unless it was me
I am on this exact silent battle right now, SO will not replace TP on the roller. I keep moving the loose roll further and further away each trip….
next time, drill a hole on one roll and mount it side ways
This is brilliant. You have a great way with words, as well as with toilet paper.
The only time the TP is actually on the roll in my house is when my friend comes over and puts it on.
My partner is ocd about putting it “the right way”. If he doesn’t replace the roll, his punishment is discovering the new roll placed “the wrong way”. The way it goes doesn’t matter to me in the slightest. I’ve seen no improvement in how often it gets replaced when he uses the last of the previous roll, but it does give me satisfaction to put it the wrong way, especially if he mentions.
At one point I was living with three dudes–my bf, son and an unrelated roommate. Kept finding the empty roller with a new roll precariously balanced on top of the empty one in the holder where an injudicious bump could send the full roll right into the toilet. So I got curious to see how this played out and did not replace the roll properly on the spindle. Eventually there were 24 empty tubes scattered across the counter, one empty tube on the holder with one full roll precariously balanced on top. I rounded up the entire crew, pointed at the mess and told them to A) clean that mess up, B) put the full roll ON the spindle and C) if I ever saw this shit starting up again I’d put an outside padlock on the bathroom and I would have the only key. To their credit, they did follow instructions but my gods, THREE adult ass men who can’t manage to handle changing a toilet roll, WTF?
Pretty sure I’m your husband. I seldom replace the roll when needed and frequently waddle over to get more more. I don’t know/care about the right way and hack at the roll if installed “wrong”. The difference is im single. Your husband is being rude.
I had a kid like this. His the TP under our waterbed for a week. Never had a problem again.
I have to share a bathroom with my brother right now. I’ve taken to leaving the cardboard on the holder when he refuses to replace the roll, and just grabbing a new one and leaving it on the counter. I always replace when I use the last, he never does. SO if he wants to use the holder like a civilized human……… he gets to replace it. 🙂
Idk what the universe has against me…but I am forever the person having to replace tp. Everywhere. Always. Coffee shops, people’s houses, and anywhere else that doesn’t have the commercial tp holders (that have multiple rolls). 50 yrs of changing the tp wherever I go! 😂😂
If it were me, I would use the toilet paper and then hide all of the rolls when it was time for him to go.
You may do the wee waddle but he will do the poo parade, like someone else said, don’t replace the roll.
I have also lived with TP roll avoidants. If you have a spring in the bar that the TP spins on. When you replace the roll. Leave one end of the spring pressed against the wall bracket, but not in the hole. Then when they go to use it, it will fall off. This will cause them to put it back on like they should have. It is also really great hearing them cuss from the next room after you keep doing it.
Good luck fellow TP roll replacer.
I’m a guy, and I’m anal about the roll being the right way and not leaving a dead tube…lol
Don’t replace the roll. Instead, put 3 seashells where the roll should be.
Keep a roll within reach but hidden… empty on the roller. Let him waddle.
we have a basket on the back of the toilet with more rolls lol. but I’m guilty of just leaving the roll there instead of properly placing it.. but at least I leave something.
and at least I’m not like the rest of the MONSTERS I live with who leave the toilet seat covered in shit and hair.
Does he think you have a magic laundry basket?
Penguin spirit bird. HA. Thanks for the laugh!
I ended up purchasing a wire TP holder that also will store up to 3 additional rolls.
The TP holder that was attached to the wall broke somehow. IDK.
But the room for extra rolls is perfect.
https://a.co/d/dpf4bfg
I’m sorry but your phrasing is…🤣☠️🤣 I’m dead.
Leaves the holder empty. Alone. Exposed. Cold.🧻
No woman wants the penguin as their spirit bird🐧
Ha, my wife and have been playing this game for 25 years after she accused me of never replacing the roll.
Now it is an ongoing contest. She puts it on beard, and I put it on mullet.
Now the to always gets replaced, just as a contest
My daughter Luke’s to reverse it randomly to mess with us both.
You should just take a roll into the bathroom with you for a day or two. Leave it bare.
Got a new game.for him to play.
https://imgur.com/a/gpu5jgm
How old is he that he can’t start a roll of toilet paper… what…
People really just need to talk to each other more. He’s your partner…
Consistently leave exactly 3 squares of paper on the roll Allow him to release his inner penguin.
Your writing is captivatingly descriptive and hilarious. I also love the levels of pettiness you are willing to go to. I need more!
Get one of those gag “untearable” rolls of TP and put it on there.
Anyone still working off their COVID stash?!
I’m mostly confused that people ot only have a “wrong way” but they can’t do shit if on the wrong side
Seriously though… it’s poop. I don’t understand how people get grossed out over poop.
Do you have pets? If you do you are touching it every fucking day! Should I tell you that I have a cat that is almost 12 years old & he usually throws up every other day. It just doesn’t bother me. I can’t see getting stressed about something that every warm blooded animal does. Ridiculous!😹
I (male) lived with 2 roommates (1 male, 1 female – bf/gf) who would do this. On top of that, they would go through TP like it was going out of style.
I was always out the door for work super early, so I’d always do my business at work. So the weekend was a shit show, pun intended!
At first, the pack of TP was communal. We’d alternate buying until I realized the large packs would barely last a week. This lasted a full rotation til I had enough and told them I’ll be buying my own for here on out, and they’re on their own.
I bought a pack of 36 rolls. It lasted me a year. Even with me lending them a few rolls here and there.
I put the roll on “backwards” because I had a cat that loved to unroll the TP and when it was backward he rolled it up instead. That cat is long gone and subsequent cats have shown less interest in TP but the habit is ingrained.
I keep several spare rolls of TP on the tank lid just in case. The brand we buy at Costco comes in a bundle with several six packs of TP. When there is one roll left I put another pack on the lid.
Note my only roommate is my wife so there no budget issue. FWIW she tends to be oblivious to the TP supply and depends on my OCD tendencies to keep the bathrooms supplied.
Idk, I buy 36 rolls and it lasts me and my roomie 6 months. Always have 6 rolls in reach in case it runs out inconveniently..
BF doesn’t either. I sit there and yell for him to come get me some now.
🐧🐧🐧💩💩
My mom’s rule: you can put your hand on the next roll of TP while sitting on the throne — either under the sink vanity, in a stand-up TP holder or in a small clean plastic trash sitting kinda behind the throne. I have never had “no TP” problems by following this.
I live with a giant toddler who needs to see this. I’ve had a few tricks of my own to “encourage” normal human behavior (all of them petty), and I have to say, this made me give an evil little snicker. Petty forth!