I’m 31 (almost 32) and I feel like I’ve lost myself.
My relationship sucks and I know it has to end. That means selling my house and relocating back near my family. The thing is, I don’t want to live here anymore. I only know my partner, and once we’re over, there’s nothing keeping me here.
I don’t have many friends. My 2 best friends live over an hour away. I’ve got some work friends, but we’re all in different life stages and it hasn’t carried outside of work. I feel lonely most of the time.
I want to be into fitness, but I have endometriosis, and working out often flares it up so badly that I end up more exhausted and in pain. I’m shy and scared to try new things, so I feel stuck. On top of that, I constantly compare myself to thin, fit, beautiful women and it just makes me hate how I look even more.
I also recently got diagnosed with lipedema so I think my dream body is out of the question. I struggle to want to dress nice, do my hair and make up because I just feel so gross. I used to be so into my appearance now my hair is greasy, I don’t wear make up often and I just chuck on whatever is easiest for work.
My dad died three years ago and I don’t think I’ve ever fully processed that grief. I’m always tired, I have chronic health issues, and even therapy hasn’t really helped.
I feel like I’m just surviving. I thought my 30s would be a time of growth and feeling like myself, but instead I feel like I’ve lost my spark completely.
Has anyone else been here and come out the other side? How do you even begin to rebuild when you feel this low?
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I’ve had zero luck with grief in therapy. Absolutely useless, imo.
Death sucks. My mom died over 30 years ago when I was 7, and I never got over it.
I don’t know that anyone really “processes” it, you just figure out how to move forward. I’ve accepted that, and anyone who wants to give me toxic positivity or religion about it can stfu.
So… yeah, that’s my take. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel about it, OP.
Anyway, beyond that, it seems like there are steps you can take. You know the situation with your relationship. Make the choice, even though it’s hard.
Also, it sounds like you are excessively comparing your looks to others. You mention it a lot. Lots of women have lipidema, it’s fairly common. I don’t feel like mine holds me back, I just have kinda chunkier legs than I would otherwise, nbd. I certainly don’t feel hideous or anything. It’s a little annoying when I start my runs, but my legs get used to it after a bit.
Side note, but I don’t wear makeup ever, and I think I look great. If you’re wearing makeup because you want to, awesome. Start small, get back into it!
If you’re doing it because those “thin, fit, beautiful women” you’re comparing yourself to do it… maybe stop and think about that. What’s your style?
> I’m shy and scared to try new things, so I feel stuck
Only you can fix this. And speaking as a former extremely shy person, it will make your life 10,000x better if you fix it.
You can make these choices for yourself, OP. It will be hard, but your life will be better on the other end.
Well considering that you don’t want to be where you are living then maybe finding a new place that you’d be somewhat excited to move to could help jumpstart a spark?
I moved across country last year—I had good friends in my old city but job/future-wise there was nothing else keeping me there and I was growing tired of that city too. So when I got laid off, I jumped at a job opportunity in a different state.
I know moving is easier said than done but it forced me to get out of my comfort zone. Moving somewhere where I didn’t know anyone was scary. But little by little I tried some new things in my new city—it sorta felt like exposure therapy. And I used to have to mentally work myself up to trying something new but now I don’t think twice about it! Plus being in a new place added a lot of novelty which I think helped add some shine to things.
I know that’s not going to be the experience for everyone. Moving is really hard and expensive. But being in a relationship and a city that you don’t want to be in—that’ll weigh you down for sure!
Can you move in with family and sell the house after? Breaking up and selling the house and then moving is a lot. But maybe you can break up, move home and then sell the house through a real estate agent.