Howdy ya’ll, just had some introspection lately. I’ve come to the conclusion, after decades of suffering from the forbidden and taboo emotion which we call “jealousy”, that it’s not a feeling that comes from a dark and ugly place. Instead, my opinion is that jealousy manifests when someone is afraid that their needs are not being met, because they have been repeatedly rejected, ignored, or otherwise shunned in the past. In other words, jealousy is a manifestation of trauma. It is not insecurity. It is not low self-worth. It is not a lack of appreciation for the present. It’s a raw, primal fear, developed in response to repeated and perceived injustice.
It’s not the feeling of “darn, I must suck” which guides it into existence, it’s seeing other people getting all the things you need and yet are continuously deprived of, with a panicked and grief-stricken “hey, what about me? what about me?“
That is all.
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You’re spot on. Jealousy isn’t just insecurity — it’s a reaction to feeling ignored or rejected over and over. Seeing it like that makes it easier to be kind to ourselves and others instead of just judging. Trauma really messes with how we feel.
They’re not mutually exclusive. Not having your needs met can amplify or create insecurities if you’re not in a healthy mindset– which seems to be what you’re describing.
Yeah, insecurity does generally arise from experiences in your past.
It’s often a mistake to apply generalizations you learned in the past to your present if your circumstances and the people involved are different.
Why not both
Yet another thing society wants to blame on trauma in order to avoid accountability
I have had a very difficult life, an abusive childhood, lots of problems as an adult, i am also disabled, i dont feel jealous
If i had met a gal who was not into me, i would want to be her friend and help her find a dude that she is into, my goal was for her to be happy even if it wasnt with me, i have had a lot of rejections and i have been ignored alot but i didnt let it affect me
If other people had more $$ than me or had better lives i never felt jealous, if my friends got way more dates than i did, i didnt let it bother me and i would even help them to get more dates if i could
I am in the non profit world and i have had a lot of wonderful ideas, but i act as if it was a team effort rather than me as i dont care about the credit, my goal is to help animals, not to be rewarded or praised
I dont know if this would be an unpopular opinion, alot of people are looking to avoid accountability for their behaviors
Regardless, bitter jealousy is 100% the responsibility of the person experiencing it and this in no way excuses treating someone negatively because you feel like they have/achieve more than you. This life isn’t easy for anyone.
It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to meet your needs, at least as an otherwise able bodied and minded adult. If you consistently find your needs aren’t met, you need to assess why that is and what you can do to resolve it. You aren’t owed social validation by the world at large.
That said, I get the feeling that your feelings of rejection/denial are around a very specific aspect of the human experience: romance/sex.
Idk, maybe sometimes but I think there’s many forms of jealousy. The guy making 200k that’s jealous of the billionaire who just bought a new yacht doesn’t need a yacht
Get ready to be called an incel by people who have less fun than my grandma op. Food for thought in my opinion.
What you’re saying doesn’t check out and comes across as entitlement.
What the hell? This is not an unpopular opinion, it’s literally just not correct at all.
Definition of Jealousy: Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust.
Notice how this in no way mentions anything about needs being met or lack thereof ?
“Manifestation of Trauma”? Now OP has moved even further away from the truth as this doesn’t even make sense anymore.
We have all been jealous before, it’s literally human nature. I remember growing up wanting something that one of my friends had and I was a little jealous about it. Now how does my friend having the current popular toy at the time and me being jealous about it mean my needs are not being met? I had plenty of other toys to play with so clearly it wasn’t a need, it was a want.
Also how was I apparently traumatized in my life that me wanting a popular toy was the way in which this so called trauma decided to manifest itself?
I completely disagree with this post and It feels like OP is trying to make this much deeper than it is, or needs to be.
There are way more people then you realize, who seemingly have everything, that are consumed by jealousy. Otherwise they wouldn’t be driving themselves into staggering levels of debt to have cars and homes they can’t afford. Were they not servicing their self esteem, they could live very comfortably with less.
My need is constant validation and reassurance so Im allowed to look through your phone to fulfill my my need to know youre not cheating on me even though you show no signs of cheating and if you dont let me youre not fulfilling my needs and are a bad person so Im allowed to be jealous of all the women I imagine in my head youre talking to.
I see what you’re getting at, but also it sounds like a way to avoid being labelled as insecurity because being insecure about something == bad person
It might be insecurity depending on the context. It might be reinforced patterns manifesting again. It doesn’t make you a bad person to feel insecure. The difference between an adult with emotional intelligence is that they would hopefully recognize those feelings of insecurity and work on whatever it is that makes them feel insecure, and not just lash out emotionally when someone gave them no reason to react in the way you might when confronted with jealousy.
This post has the emotional weight of a philosophy major at 2 a.m. with jazz playing in the background and rain hitting the window — and I kind of respect it.
But let’s be real: sometimes jealousy does come from trauma.
And sometimes it comes from watching your friend get more fries than you after you paid for the meal.
Like yes, unmet needs can trigger jealousy, but let’s not pretend it’s never about insecurity. Half the time jealousy is just our inner toddler throwing a tantrum because someone else has a shinier toy — whether it’s love, attention, or a limited-edition PS5 skin.
It’s not always some deep existential cry from the void. Sometimes it’s just: “Damn. Why they got abs and I got anxiety?”
So yeah — maybe jealousy is a symptom of deeper wounds.
But sometimes it’s just your brain being a petty little goblin. And that’s okay too.
Shouldn’t we as individuals be meeting our own needs?
Its a natural emotional response to many things. What you do with it is what matters. What happens right after you get jealous?
i believe that first, jealousy is a natural feeling, and like ALL natural feelings it has an evolutionary reason, in the case of jealousyenvy it’s a feeling that is supposed to push you pursue your desires apparently… second… in my case it’s a bit odd, cos it’s a feeling i experience rarely, cos when the things others have are “excessive”, i don’t envy excess, i’m not a megalomaniac, when such things are perfectly normal but i don’t have em, i’m used to that since i was a toddler and i don’t feel envy, so basically i experience envy veeeeeery rarely, it must be a specific situation… third, “outrage” is not “envy”, some situations are objectively outrageous, it’s not envy in that case
but i agree with your sentiment 👍
Except that not having your needs met leads tooooooo insecurity! Jealousy is caused by insecurity. Full stop.
Meh. I don’t NEED a vacation home in Italy, but I’m jealous of people who have that
This reminds me of the saying “Jealousy is the thief of joy”. Took me a long time to figure that one out. Wasted a lot of time on women who had no interest in me.
“Jealous doesn’t come from insecurity… It comes from the fear of not being secure.” -OP
Lol alright.
You’re whole justification is an insecurity itself lol
Jealousy is insecurity. Plain and simple. It’s not “wrong” but call a spade a spade.
Jealousy indicates that you think someone is better than you or has more than you and you want it. Nobody is ever jealous of someone they think is on or below their level. No one is ever jealous of the smelly homeless guy/gal under the bridge. It’s always the super sexy and rich man or woman you see get all the attention in your local area.
Which is fine. Use jealousy to improve yourself but call it what it is
Not necessarily.
The bitterness of holding onto expectations of what should have been and what is certainly can cause a spiral. Op, I read your comments and feel for you, I can tell you’re going through it. No matter what burdens we face in this lifetime, we do still have power to change parts of our reality. Even if it’s the mindset, the mind can change reality. I’ve struggled with bitterness over so many things from my past and what I think I deserved. But I wouldn’t have my perspective and experience now without some of that pain. Sending good vibes, hope to find your silver lining and gratitude for some of the good in your life. Like Samwise said, there is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.
way wrong. its entirely due to insecurity and not being happy with what you have in life, and also being too lazy to actually do anything about it.