So MIL has known we have been NC with my ABUSIVE bio family for years. Over 15 years. She lives close to them and it’s unavoidable the paths would cross. So I said “I don’t want to hear about them and don’t want to talk about them and I’m done with them”. Not even don’t talk to them—don’t talk to me about them.
Well that got her in a warpath. She’d go give the gift my DH and I and our son would give her for Christmas or her birthday and haul it to them. She’s taken over picture books that I’ve made for her to show them. She’s dropped “Oh I need to tell you” and “I am going to say my piece”. You get the deal.
Then she went in for my son. She was “too tired” for more than 10 years to call my son for 5 minutes a week. She was “too busy” with her “grandbabies” (which didn’t include my son) to come visit. When we’d visit her it was peppered with calls from her favorite son or her favorite DIL about this and that and she’d spend the time talking about how she’d love to go do things or love to watch “grandbabies”. So we’d have driven 5+ hours to listen to her gush with the other DIL and make plans when we couldn’t get 5 minutes.
We have been pulling back. And she’s down to a weekly call of 30 minutes. No picture books. No social media. No texts. No cards.
So she texted me that she “didn’t know why” things were so difficult and she “didn’t mean to hurt me” and she was “reaching out”.
Oh I was so done.
“What is different about this time that I should trust you? What are you going to do differently?” And then a blast of how she stomped boundaries and kept going and that she literally kept doing it.
But she claimed she “doesn’t know” what I mean. She doesn’t understand. And she’s so happy that we are finally talking and have a nice day. I told her she’s been doing this for 17 years—my son’s whole life—and she is like “well it was a difficult time but I don’t have any idea what is wrong”.
Like—did you read the part when I said it was boundary issues? Several paragraphs?
My head exploded for a minute.
Nah. I told her no and we’d just keep the weekly calls and that’s it.
Her response is “well it would be nice to get back to our friendship” and I can change my mind.
Like… this isn’t news. This isn’t some brand new fad. She’s the type that if we tell her “hey we’ve got this covered” she’ll ask again. And then when we tell her we’ve got it covered and please—we are serious, she’ll ask a third and fourth time. When we tell her to stop, she’s up to ask again because she “forgot”.
Nah. You don’t get to waltz in and demand my son do jack shit for your amusement.
I don’t think this is unreasonable. Just does my head in.
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It sucks when you realize that there are golden grandchildren as well as the favourite golden son/daughter. It even extends to DILs or BILs.
Good on you for being done with her. She’s so obtuse about it too..you told her the problem and why it’s a problem and she still doesn’t understand? I think, at that point, she doesn’t care or want to understand.
Friendship? Lol ugh. What has she even done to consider you both friends?
My mother is a shitty grandparent too. Low to no effort. No babysitting. No interest. I cut her off from having daily calls with me where she monologues and enjoys herself while I suffer with listening to her inane BS. She was only concerned about not having the calls. No worry about her 3 grandkids or being involved in the family.
That was intelligible. What?
When you try to talk to people like this, you might as well be talking Martian.
Try reading Issendai’s missing missing reasons which is very illuminating.
Maintain NC. She made her choice and she didn’t choose you or your son. If she corners you and demands an answer for why, tell her that your family abused you for years and her actions reveal she approves what they did. You have every right to treat the friend of an adversary in an adversarial manner. She deserves no respect.