Please don’t share anywhere else! (though it’s not like MIL has the reading comprehension to realize this pertains to her anyways).
I posted a few months back about how my lack of childbearing due to chronic illness has pushed my MIL into a worsened version of her usual crazycakes self. Since then I’ve been super low contact (most of these anecdotes below I hear about through my husband), which on a good day goes unnoticed by the family and on a bad day brings out the weirdness. I mean, what else is an attention seeking weirdo going to do when they aren’t getting their fix?
SIL had grand baby #2, which did not result in the dreamy snuggle experience that Hallmark movies promised MIL. Baby #2 is a screaming cicada that is a total Velcro child. MIL did not last two full weeks in her planned babysitting schedule when SIL went back to work because “the baby cries so loudly her Apple Watch would tell her it could damage her ears.” This brought me great amusement. I guess her children must not have cried very loudly since she didn’t have an Apple watch telling her the environmental sounds decibel range at all times. She also decided that grand baby #2 is simply too heavy for her, as she has arthritis in her neck. I didn’t hear her say one happy word about her new grand kid, but she spent the first few months of his existence complaining about her ailments excessively and how being around him was extremely hazardous to her health.
My birthday was last month, and she called to wished me happy birthday. I did not answer and instead I texted briefly to say thank you, to which she responded that they were out at a happy hour and would have a drink to toast to my birthday. Okay, whatever. Later, my husband gets a phone call from her and a text that that reads “call me back today.” This sort of urgency is actually unusual for her, so husband calls and is genuinely concerned, thinking he’s about to get bad news about one of his older uncles. Nope, MIL had to tell him all about these “concerning digestive symptoms” that have been going on for a year so it was extremely urgent to discuss it right now. Her doctor prescribed her digestive enzymes, and her friend told her she should get checked for pancreatic cancer, so she relayed to my husband that she was getting worked up for pancreatic cancer. JUST. NO. I’m a nurse. I’m sorry but just. no. That’s not how any of this works. No MIL, your doctor didn’t let you languish for alarming symptoms for a year and then decide to treat it blindly with zero work up. If you are so critically ill with digestive concerns why are you out for happy hour? I had to spend my birthday weekend unwinding her story with my husband, calming his anxiety, and then helping him process that she pulled that stunt on my birthday because she was feeling like she needed some attention. I had him follow up with her a few days later and I’m completely unsurprised to update that the digestive enzymes kicked in and she feels all better.
Now this weekend MIL reached out and asked if the whole family (her, FIL, BIL/SIL and their 2 spawn) can come visit in August because they want to go to the beach (they live in the Midwest, we live near the costal northeast). Um, August is in 2 weeks. I had husband tell them no and that we’ll see them in October for a previously planned trip home. MIL decides that’s not good enough, and reaches out to me separately and asked she could come in August to visit with just me. She asked if I could take her to NYC sightsee and to the beach. I was honest and told her no, my health issues have been horrible this summer, I’ve been having a hard time and I’m not up for visitors. I’m absolutely not up for taking a bigoted midwestern rural boomer on the 1 train. But then this wackadoo goes “yeah, I’m really having a hard year for my health reasons too.”
I lost it after that. She wanted to call me to tell me about her health problems, immediately I put my phone on do not disturb. I told my husband he can deal with her and he woke up to an insane message from her telling him “he is a gift to the world.” I don’t know, man. I’m 33 and fit the diagnostic criteria for heart failure, what did I do to get an attention seeking boomer saying her heartburn is the same as my chest pain on top of that?
Anyways, I’ve learned thankfully from this sub that Christmas Cancer is a thing, so I’ve dubbed MIL summertime sham sickness (to the tune of LDR)