See my post history to see what I’m dealing with here.
When my first was born, there were no boundaries. I was pressured into leaving my oldest with her FAR before I was comfortable. She constantly criticized the baby’s schedule, never followed it, and scrutinized all of our parenting decisions.
I had my second in February, and this has been so healing for me. I’ve set better boundaries. She hasn’t dominated my postpartum experience this time. But….now she won’t see my second LO at all. Why? Because I won’t drop her off at her house.
She comes to pick up my 2.5 year old and spends the day with her at her house. She makes comments “the baby can join us” “I can take both.” ….no, you can’t. I usually ignore these comments entirely. She complains that she “doesn’t get to see” the baby. No…it’s because you won’t see her unless it’s on your turf. Because it’s not about spending time with the child. It’s about control.
Today we were visiting the in laws, and she says “I’ve set up a pack n play, a mat, and a bouncer at my house so you can drop the baby off when you need a break.” (“Needing a break” is her favorite manipulation tactic to use.) I audibly laughed and said “no shot….you can come watch her at her house.” She demanded to know why not and said I used to drop my oldest off when she was 3-4 months old. Bullshit. No I didn’t. I shut it down and repeated that she’s welcome to visit her any time in her home.
It doesn’t end there. 20 minutes AFTER WE LEAVE….she sends me a picture of my oldest as a baby at her house and says “apologies, she was actually 7 months old when you started dropping her off.” I am….literally speechless. Am I overreacting? How do I even respond to this? Or do I ignore it and let my husband deal with this?