I have wanted a dog for years, but the timing was never right. However My bf (M33) and I (F32) feel like we’re at a place in our lives that where it makes sense to get a dog now, and I’m stoked! It wasn’t rushed or anything. We saw our first dog about a year ago.
Anywhooo, we found our pup! We met her last week, and she’s a wonderful year-old mutt from Mexico. Later that same day, we met my bfs parents for coffee. I was waiting for him to bring it up, but he didn’t. I asked him why, and he said that he just felt nervous and worried about their reaction.
Fast forward a few days and all the paperwork has gone through, and we pick her up tomorrow. We’re supposed to go there for dinner on Friday (bf goes over for dinner a couple of times a week; I usually only go every couple of months), so obviously, we had to tell them we were getting a dog. We video-called and excitedly shared the news and sent photos. At first she was so silent and just kept repeating “oh no, you didn’t.. nnoooo”, really quietly. Then she sort of cheered up but it did seem a bit forced. She said she had to hang up cause she was in shock.
A little later, bf’s brother messaged that everyone was in shock cause it was such a quick decision, and poor timing cause of dinner on Friday. As if we’re expected to adopt a dog at a time convenient for casual dinner plans? Just leave her at the shelter an extra week? Or pass up on the dog we want cause we already had plans?? I was so confused. He also said their mom was looking forward to dinner, and that we better not be planning on dining and dashing cause of the dog. Is this super weird behavior? I can imagine I would be a little upset if I had invited people over and were planning a dinner, and that something came up.. But if it was something good that would bring joy to their life I’d totally be happy for them! And it’s not like we said we wouldn’t come.. She has a dog daycare from home, and although she doesn’t have any at the moment, she often has dogs overnight in her house, so we assumed it would be fine to bring her if she was being calm and pleasant to be around. If she’s acting up, of course one of us would have to stay home. So it sounds like she’s just mad that the attention would be on the dog and not her? I have no clue but I feel super disappointed, and also a bit worried about dinner.
If I have to stay home if the dog is acting up or scared (it’ll be her 4th day at our place – she’s had a pretty tough past as far as we know), she’ll be mad, if the dog is fine and we bring her, she’ll be mad. What do I do?
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Personally, I’d just stay home with the new dog and enjoy my peace with my four legged companion if my MIL had that dramatic of a reaction over getting a pet. Sounds like MIL is realizing your relationship with SO is growing and may be lashing out. She also realizes that having a dog means life will adjust and there’s less availability for her.
SO needs to call MIL and figure out if the dog is welcome. If the dog is not, then it’s a great time to set boundaries and priorities with MIL. Less dinners, shorter dinners or no dinners is reasonable now that you have a dog who needs fed, walked and out to potty.
Honestly, as a fellow 30s, I’m perplexed by a man who eats dinner there multiple times a week but doesn’t mention he’s getting a dog and is afraid to tell his mother? That doesn’t seem healthy and I’d maybe hope he elaborates on why he didn’t want to tell her.
I would say your MIL is either annoyed she was consulted or she is annoyed that you now have something that binds you together either way she sucks and I wouldn’t go to dinner out of spite to her and excitement of spending time with your new puppy family member
Tbh I think she’s just annoyed her son didn’t consult her first and she wasn’t involved so now she’s scrambling for reasons to be upset that would be more ‘ acceptable’.