We have all been in a relationship where we shared our deepest, most specific career goals with our partner, thinking they were our biggest cheerleader. But one 23-year-old law student on Reddit just found out that “support” looks a lot like “competition” when your boyfriend decides to take your dream job application and treat it like his own personal inspiration board. If you have ever had someone look at your hard work and say “hey, I could do that too,” you are going to feel for this girlfriend.
The UK legal world is a literal shark tank. We are talking about 4,000 people fighting for 50 spots, where everyone is a straight-A genius and the process is basically a blood sport. The Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend were both in the trenches of applying for training contracts to become solicitors. Since day one, the girlfriend has been obsessed with one specific firm. She went to their events, she fell in love with their vibe, and she spent months prepping the perfect application.
Then came the “ultimate betrayal” disguised as a helpful boyfriend moment. The girlfriend asked the OP to proofread her application, trusting him with her research, her personal statements, and her strategy. But instead of just checking for typos, the OP decided that the firm sounded pretty great. On a “whim,” he used the knowledge from her application to submit his own last-minute bid for the same spot. Oh, and he decided not to tell her, because apparently, keeping secrets is a great way to build a healthy relationship.
The irony of the situation is almost too much to handle. The girlfriend got her rejection email first, and she was understandably devastated. The OP, playing the part of the “supportive partner,” made her dinner and comforted her while she cried over her lost dream. He kept his own application a secret, probably hoping he’d get rejected too so he never had to admit what he’d done. But the universe had other plans, and the very next day, the OP got invited to the interview.
When he finally came clean, the girlfriend didn’t exactly jump for joy. She told him he “betrayed” her and “stole” the job, and honestly, can we blame her? He used her passion and her hard work as a springboard for his own career, and now he’s the one moving forward while she’s left behind at the firm she’s wanted for years. It is a classic “f*ck around and find out” situation where the OP found out that being a “team player” in a relationship means not competing for the exact same singular prize as your partner.
The OP’s defense is that the job world is competitive and he shouldn’t “restrict his future opportunities.” That sounds great in a LinkedIn post, but in a relationship, it is a total ahole move. There are thousands of law firms in the UK. He could have applied to any of them, but he chose the one his girlfriend was “fixated” on only after reading her private application. It wasn’t an independent career move; it was a parasitic one.
Let’s talk about the secrecy for a second. If he truly felt like he was doing nothing wrong, he would have told her the moment he hit “submit.” He didn’t tell her because he knew it was sh!tty. He knew that if he succeeded where she failed, it would k!ll her spirit. Now he’s acting surprised that she’s refusing to talk to him. Newsflash: nobody wants to talk to the person who just used their dream as a backup plan and won.
The OP says there was “no guarantee” she would have gotten it anyway, which is the ultimate “gaslighting 101” defense. It doesn’t matter if she was going to get rejected; it matters that he didn’t respect her enough to let her have that one thing for herself. He turned their partnership into a zero-sum game. He didn’t just “apply for a job,” he applied for her job, using her enthusiasm as his motivation.
Imagine going to an interview knowing your success is built on the heartbreak of the person you claim to love. That is a heavy weight to carry into a boardroom. If he gets the job, every day he goes to work will be a reminder to his girlfriend that he chose his “whim” over her dream. That isn’t a “bright future”; that’s a recipe for a lifetime of resentment and a very lonely dinner table.
The OP is wondering if he’s the ahole, and the answer is a resounding yes. You don’t use your partner’s application as a cheat sheet for your own career. You don’t compete with them for the one thing they’ve told you they want most in the world. And you definitely don’t keep it a secret until you’ve already won. He didn’t “steal” the job, but he definitely stole the trust in his relationship.
We hope the girlfriend finds a firm that is even better than her “dream” one, and we hope she finds a partner who doesn’t see her goals as a personal challenge. As for the OP, he should probably prepare for that interview, because he’s going to need a very high-paying job to cover the cost of his own apartment once she finally dumps him.
What would you do if your partner applied to your dream job behind your back and got the interview? Is the career world “fair game,” or is this the ultimate relationship dealbreaker? Let us know in the comments if you think he should withdraw his application or if she needs to “get over it”!
Yeah, that’s a tough one. I guess you go through with the interviews and see if you even get the job and then she needs to decide if she dumps Gr your ass !! If she does then you both go i on with your lives and you’ll both be successful and happy.