Hi all, I could use some advice. My spouse and I (both mid-thirties) both work full time. It is very important to me that we have separate bank accounts so that I am financially independent. I’ve read enough stories of women who are not and I never want that for myself.
The way we’ve handled our shared bills up until now is the bills came out of my own account and each month he etransfers me his half of the total amount.
This method is annoying, especially if we have expenses like vet bills or larger purchases for the home that aren’t a regular occurrence.
We want to switch to having a joint account for all shared expenses and then we each have our own accounts for our savings and personal expenses.
I am much better at saving than he is. I set aside a set percentage of my paycheques for retirement, and then if there is anything leftover at the end of the month, before my next paycheque, the leftover gets saved too. I don’t buy many things for myself, but he buys stuff for himself all the time.
Does it make sense to continue getting our paycheques deposited into our own accounts, and then each transfer a sum that is equal to half the sum of our shared expenses (plus a buffer) into the joint account? Or would it be better to get our pay put into the joint account and then transfer our own personal money for savings and purchases to our personal accounts?
Sorry for such a boring post. I want to go about this the smartest way and I’m hung up on what makes the most sense.
Comments
Personally, I would opt to deposit your share plus buffer into the shared account rather than the other way around. If you’re the better saver, I’d keep your savings safe. (I say this as the spender in my marriage.)
DEFINITELY have your money deposited into your own account and then transfer the proper amount into the joint account. Especially if he isn’t as good with money as you!
We have separate finances and use an app called Splitwise. Any amount we pay that is a shared expense we put in there and then “settle up” at the end of the month with venmo or zelle – the person who owes pays the other person the balance.
I pay most of the bills, we trade month by month for the mortgage, and he buys most of the groceries, so it works out.
Can you split a paycheck into different accounts with direct deposit? I used to work with someone who had separate financials from her husband. They had direct deposit set up so a set amount of money from each paycheck went into the joint account (say $1000, for example), and anything after that on her paycheck went to her personal account. It was all automatic, they didn’t need to do a bunch of transferring or paying each other back for things.
Can you put a standing order for a fixed amount from both your current accounts, so you dont need to rely on him to remember to do it? Keep getting paid into your own account, standing order to shared account for bills.
Not advice but a question— when the two of you retire, will you then be living largely off your savings?
What you’re describing is what we have always done. We each receive our pay to our solo account and then transfer to the joint account that pays all the bills etc.
I wish I had done this! STBX and I were married for 20 years and our spending and saving habits are similar to what you describe. I made more money and spent conservatively, and he liked to spend any money on hand.
Belatedly, I opened my own account to have my paychecks deposited and would transfer money to the family account monthly which would auto-pay our bills. I think this arrangement could save you a great deal of feeling like you’re contributing more, which can lead to resentment. I imagine you would have to have rules about what comes out of the family account.
Good luck! Way to be smart!
My partner and I both put X% of our income into a joint account. House expenses and groceries come out of it automatically and then we talk to each other about whether other things can come out (like repairs or sending a funeral basket to a mutual friend).
We have a shared B of A checking account. We both deposit a set amount every month. Mine is auto deposited out of my paycheck. It deliberately covers rent, estimated utilities and shared expenses, and a small buffer. The buffer helps with surprise small bills and shared groceries. With anything bigger like travel, we discuss and each transfer in an agreed upon top up. If we are planning a trip, i will put it on my travel card for points and then immediately transfer from the shared account to my personal acct to pay myself back. It works well. We have considered having a shared credit card, but have not gotten to it yet. I would prefer running most purchases through a line of credit for the points, and for the additional protection/insurance. HOWEVER if you don’t trust him with money, not worth the risk.
I won’t give any advice about how you should split your accounts/paychecks but I just wanted to say that usually you can set up bank accounts to have automatic monthly (or bimonthly) transfers from checking to savings without even having to think about it. You could have it set up so that BOTH of you have the same transfer to a savings account for both of you (or separate ones) so that both of you are equally saving. Being good at saving vs not being good at saving sometimes just comes down to making sure it happens – and automating things is the easiest way for consistency.
We have a shared account that we each pay a set amount into each month to cover mortgage, shared regular outgoings (eg groceries) plus extra buffer. We calculated roughly what needs to go in there each month and calculated our pro-rata share each. Works great.
My partner and I have our own separate accounts, then we keep a shared joint account for shared expenses. It’s usually for things like grocery money.
For everything else, I transfer my portion of the bills to him each month.
Joint account plus joint credit card and individual accounts where our salaries are paid is how I’ve conducted my last and current marriage. We also transferred in a proportional amount based on our salaries which was used to pay the joint credit card bill in full every month. It worked well.
Why don’t you just split your direct deposits up? I have mine going to 3 separate accounts. Most goes to my checking, a % goes to my savings, and then I also put 1% in a 3rd account that I don’t pay any attention to, but I know it’s there if I need it.
My wife and I pay different bills each month from our own accounts. I will say that we are on each other’s accounts for emergencies.
There’s already lots of good advice here so I just wanted to throw in another option…it sounds like your husband doesn’t care much about finances. Why not just take on that responsibility for your family? Then you can have joint accounts but you retain control. You could always set aside two savings accounts for each of you in your own names should something go wrong.
You can have a set amount or percentage sent to two different accounts via direct deposit. If he’s not great at saving, this would allow the money for bills get taken care of/put in the joint account, and whatever remainder put into your respective sole accounts.
My partner and I have a joint account for shared expenses and a shared savings account on top of our own accounts. We each get our paycheck deposited in the personal accounts and monthly transfer a set percentage of the paycheck (Right now its about 60%) to the joint accounts.
Do you know how your money will be split up in case of a divorce (if you’re married)? Where I live the law is that everything is split 50/50, so if you save a lot, and he buys things that degrade in value or experiences, you’ll have to give him large parts of your savings, regardless of what account they’re in. Keeping your accounts separate is sensible, but also make sure you are the only one with legal claims to that money.
You BOTH deposit $x into the joint account every month, period. OP should have their paycheck deposited directly into their own account and set up the transfer themselves.
We deposit our paychecks into separate accounts, and pay all bills from the joint account. I contribute half of expenses we have agreed are shared, and pay in for any expenses I take responsibility for or personal purchases and the like, as well as putting in a little extra each month to go towards future projects like home renovations and repairs.
[deleted]
Since my spouse’s accounting methods were iffy we maintain separate accounts but have each other on our main accounts so if need be we can transfer or write checks. It is rare we do it and it involves an incredible amount of trust. We then divvied up the bills we are each responsible for. We can transfer money from one “pot” to the other if extra money is needed up to $5k (bank’s rules). It has worked for over 40 years for us. YRMV.
My wife and I recently dealt with this! We used to do the method where I paid all the bills and she transferred her half of the expenses directly to me, but it was a pain in the ass honestly. I had to calculate up the expenses every month (because they always vary a bit) and then send her a dollar amount.
We decided to open up a joint account, and we kept our separate accounts for our personal savings. We contribute to the joint account exactly 50/50, so if at any time we needed to withdraw money from that account, we would both withdraw an equal amount. All our bills get debited from there. We also use it for groceries, date night, and baby expenses since those are family expenses. If we’re buying a gift or something just for ourselves, it comes out of our personal accounts.
I have my direct deposit split so a specific designated amount goes into that joint account (calculated based on the highest possible monthly expense total) and then the remainder goes into my personal savings. Her direct deposit doesn’t have the split option, so she has an automatic transfer set up at the beginning of the month that sends money from her personal checking to our joint account.
Is it possible to have part of your pay go to joint account automatically? At my work we can set that up.
Not boring at all, this is how my husband and I have operated since living together.
I like it because if I’m inclined to do/buy something and he isn’t (or vice versa) then my discretionary spending doesn’t affect the household bills getting paid from the joint account.
It’s worked for about 15 years and I wouldn’t change it.
My spouse and I have a joint account and we’ve decided on a flat amount we contribute every month. In our case we each contribute an equal amount. It might be more complicated if one person earns more, or owns “more” of things like cars or houses. I don’t know/done care what he does outside of that and visa versa.
If there’s extra money building up in the account, and we dont have any upcoming annual bills,, we discuss things like buying a new fridge, or going to a concert, etc…
If we don’t have extra money in the account, and need to buy a new fridge or want to go to a concert, then we sit down and discuss that one item.
One thing to think about is having a standard for what is a “must discuss” purchase, even if it is coming out of your individual accounts. Needs to reflect both financial and nonfinancial commitments, for example anything over $1000 or 1 year commitment – i.e. I don’t care that the puppy was free, it’s going to live for 10 years.
You can, but in the event you end up divorced, the individual accounts will be considered as community property unless you have a prenuptial agreement stating otherwise.
Fwiw, my husband and I share a joint account for household bills. Then I have a private savings and checking.
Works great for us and we’ve been married over 20 years now.
I think what makes sense will be different for each couple, but this has worked for us for 10 years:
My husband and I have our own checking account, our own 401k retirement accounts, and a shared savings account that is our emergency fund and home renovation fund. We split bills: he pays mortgage and car and utilities. I pay daycare fees and groceries and internet. That way each of us knows what bills we are responsible for. Then we save what we have left into the savings account, allowing for a certain amount of fun money each.
If income or bills change, we adjust. This works for us. And that way we split responsibility of ensuring things get paid. Neither of us are responsible for it all. We both are fairly responsible with money, and usually check in with the other for purchases over a couple hundred dollars.
Keep paid to your own account, no disccusion.
However you decide to organize the spending – your income goes to your account.
My husband and I have not shared a bank account for any reason in the last 29 years. We have also never had a fight about money. I picked at the start who would be paying which bills and that hasn’t changed. Now the bills may be completely unfair because I was paying the mortgage and the car and he was paying nearly everything else. Mortgage & Car paid off now, but that just means I’m saving up to pay cash for our next car and God forbid a new house if something happens to our current one.
My wife and I have a similar setup, joint checking/savings and we each have a personal checking/savings. We simply set up our paychecks to deposit a fixed amount in one and the remainder to the other. In our case we do the fixed amount to our personal and remainder to joint, but you could certainly do it the other way around. no messing with monthly transfers or anything.
For budgeting purposes, I’ve always liked having my own as primary and send a specific amount (plus buffer) to a shared bill account. And usually had one CC that was for shared expenses. It’s good to talk about what’s “shared”. (A lot can go under “household” or “groceries”)
If you’re married, it’s vitally important to know where both your debt is. I do a full check of my credit report once a year (as part of my tax prep), and would want to see my spouse’s. Especially if they tend to spend a lot.
In most states, in the event of divorce, your assets and debts will be totaled up and split, so idk if it really matters where the cash sits.
My partner and I have a joint account we each put a fixed amount in each month to cover bills. I have my bank account set up so it transfers the money automatically every month. The rest of our money stays in our individual accounts
You need to also have a joint setup for saving.
Deposit for bills AND savings into joint account. Pay the bills and invest from there. Have a separate account for emergency fund. Keep leftovers in your personal accounts. If you want to save more beyond your joint savings, do that, but you do need joint savings for retirement and major expenses on top of the emergency fund.
>Does it make sense to continue getting our paycheques deposited into our own accounts, and then each transfer a sum that is equal to half the sum of our shared expenses (plus a buffer) into the joint account?
This is the arrangement with my wife since 2012, it works and is hassle-free.
Bills groceries and shared expenses go on a credit card- we pay it off by splitting it at the end of each month. It helps us see what we spent and we can each access it anytime . Been working pretty good!
yes; best way to set up everything
Also, u do not need anyone’s permission to take care of your own financial health.
Sorry, haven’t read everything, but do you and spouse have a pre-nup/contracting out agreement/relevant legal document discussing how to split assets if you ever break up? I’m just concerned that with the differences in spendin habits you could be taken to the cleaners. Please look into this before creating the shared account.
Separate accounts and a joint house/expenses account.
Take the very best financial care of yourself.
We have separate accounts, and we divide up who is responsible for each bill so it’s fairly even based on our income. Then we each just manage those bills on our own. We go back and forth on whose up for a random one-off bill.
This is what my husband and I do:
Joint checking account where x amount of money goes in every 2 weeks from each of us via direct deposit.
Joint investing account where x amount of money goes in every 2 weeks from each of us via direct deposit.
Joint credit card that we use to pay for all food, home stuff, shared things etc.
We use the joint checking to pay off the cc and pay utilities and other shared bills.
All extra money is direct deposited into our own account to do whatever we want with. We have personal credit cards and investing/saving accounts as well.
My spouse and I have separate accounts (and access to each others accounts), but no true shared account. I don’t know if this would work for you but we split bills up by paying different bills that add up to what we have agreed is ‘equal’ for us. So in our case, husband pays the mortgage, and I pay essentially everything else – utilities, groceries, pet expenses, and house expenses. On a monthly basis this is roughly even for us. For bigger expenses we just reconcile on a case by case basis and transfer money to each other. This wouldn’t totally solve your problem but would reduce the number of transfers you are making for sure.
This is the way we do it – set amount into the joint each month, joint household things come out of that and that is that.
The difficulty is often how much: 50/50 or the same % of pay e.g. 20% of your pay goes into the joint, whatever you earn or as you suggest.
We direct deposit into shared and personal accounts.
We do it the same way, except we do quarterly transfers into a household account, not monthly. And, it is a flat amount each quarter. The bills are easy to estimate and the account has a buffer. Every few years, we increase the amount as every bill eventually goes up.
My wife and have had separate accounts going on 20 years now. Similar to what you already have setup we also keep a running Google Sheet of regular expenses; mortgage + utilities divided by 2. We leave extra rows for items we both incur throughout the month (groceries or household items) and she transfers whatever is remaining. I have all the bills autopaid out of my account.
Every new month I shift the rows down and add a new template of the constant bills.
It’s kept us anger and financially judgement free the entire time.
I’ve looked into Mint and other financial organizers but I never felt safe putting that kind of information out there.
I do this with my sister, as we co-own a home. I use direct deposit to get my paycheck so it goes straight into my bank account. I’m allowed to split that transfer across accounts, so I have a set amount (that she and I agreed on) transferred into our joint account directly from my company, then the rest goes into my personal account. It made things SO easy.
My husband and I each have our own accounts plus a joint account. We are able to set up direct deposit so that a certain amount of each paycheck goes into the joint account and the rest goes into our individual account. We made similar amounts of money so until I lost my job last month, I was contributing a couple hundred more each month because he pays for our health insurance. We just sometimes have to determine if something is a “together” expense or not.
We were about forty when we got married so we each maintain our own retirement accounts.
So my girlfriend and I had the same setup and we did it for 20 years (20s to 40s). The way to do that is to simply keep track of the shared expenses and only 1 person pays them and you go back and forth. So you pay for the groceries this month, they pay next month and so on. If it is a large purchase like a big vet bill, you can do the transfer or split the cost directly at the vet. Most places can accept multiple payments. We also split up the utilities so that we were essentially 50/50 (I paid for the cell phones, she paid the electric, etc)
Figure out the total repeat monthly bills and each transfer a fixed amount each month. If he can’t start being less a spend-thrift – that could be a red flag down the road. A long term relationship is a PARTNERSHIP not a dependency due to his bad habits. Wish you luck!
Money put in to a joint account is joint money. Have your salary paid in to a separate account. I’d also look at setting up a post nup if you haven’t already. You’re married. If you’re better at saving than he is you’ll end up paying for everything.
Having to remind him to pay his share is a red flag.
Get your pay deposited into your personal account, then transfer what you need to the joint account. If things were to go sideways, you don’t want to have to mess with trying to get your deposit switched over. But if he’s not good at saving, what happens with big expenses? Would you have to cover the whole thing and him pay the joint account back? Either way, it’s a pain when you have to keep track of expenses and how much your partner still owes. It’s a slippery slope towards being taken financial advantage of.
The most equitable way has to be this:
Get a joint account. Both your paycheques go in it.
Each of you get a fixed amount every month taken out and put in your own accounts to do with what you please.
The fixed amount CAN NOT BE a percentage of what you put in. It needs to be the same fixed dollar value. If we saw a man, who makes more than his partner, say “we each pay 60% of our paycheque to our joint account every month” we would point out that it isn’t fair. He would end up with a larger chunk of private cash every month. It would be hypocritical to say it’s ok to don’t the woman in the situation makes more.
So, you both put your pay in, you each take out 500 dollars a month (or whatever amount t you agree on) and that’s that.
This system is the ONLY FAIR WAY. This system works if you suddenly go down to one paycheck as well (maternity leave for example)
Every couple who insists on also having a separate private account for each person should use this system. Money is one of the MAIN causes of strife in relationships.
We have a shared account for household bills, each have a personal account and I have another one as well.
It works great for us. Neither of us cares about the personal accounts.
My ex and I did this. Be both transferred a set amount to the joint account every month and put bills on autopay.
A joint account for household and personal accounts for our salaries is exactly how my partner and I handle our money.
I honestly expected this arrangement to be the norm. How naive of me.
This is what we do! We each have our own accounts and a joint account. We make about the same so we put the same amount into the joint accounts each month.
I think it works great and is the best of both worlds. You have some skin in the game jointly, but you don’t see annoying transactions the other person might make.
In your case probably the best path is to have your own accounts that paychecks direct deposit into, and then have a set amount of money (estimated monthly costs plus buffer) auto-transfer each month from your personal accounts to the shared expenses one.
This set-up works really well in several ways:
– As your paychecks change over time (annual bumps, bonuses, new jobs, whatever) you don’t have to constantly modify the amount going into your personal accounts to keep things fair and make sure you’re getting the money you earned. If your shared expenses are $1000/m, 600 each (for that buffer) is easy to set up as an autopayment and requires no math on your part.
– If one of you loses your job and has to find a new one there’s less question of whether or not you contributed to household expenses. If the transfer went through, you held up your end. VS having to dig up balances and cross-check last deposit vs last time rent was paid, etc etc
– If you’re balancing your contribution to household expenses based on paycheck (Like if one of you makes 2x what the other does, but the better paid partner is the one who wanted the more expensive apartment, or something like that) it’s easier to balance your monthly deposit into shared account (like 1 person pays 300/m, other pays 600, etc).
I am able to designate how much goes into which accounts through direct deposit. Can be by percent or amount. So I deposit a set amount in our joint bill account and designate the rest to go into my personal account.
Here is what works best for me and my marriage after some trial and error. I strongly recommend this method for transparency, shared goals, sense of fairness, etc. We never fight about money, ever.
Structure: one joint checking account, one joints savings account, and each person gets their own savings account.
Checks get deposited into joint checking. Shared saving gets added as well, depending on overall budget.
Each person gets a set allowance each month. They might save the entire thing or spend it on whatever they want. No judging from either side. If one person goes over their limit, they use the savings to cover the additional cost. If they go under it, it gets saved in their separate savings account.
I’m in the process of merging finances with my partner and we’ve discussed this a lot. Our current plan is to maintain our two separate accounts, and have a scheduled transfer from each into a shared account.
The scheduled transfer amount is based on the budget we’ve drawn up and includes enough for both our shared monthly expenses and a set percentage for savings.
We’ve also discussed and agree on how much each of us is putting towards our individual 401ks. Retirement will have plenty of shared expenses too, so we both need to be on the same page with contributing to that goal.
Whatever is left in our personal account belongs to the individual to save or spend, at their discretion.
My ex and I had 4 accounts: a joint current account, a joint savings account and a personal current account each. Our pay cheques went into our personal accounts, then we’d each move enough into the joint account that we’d each end up with the same amount of personal money left. All bills, grocery shopping and other household/family spending came from the joint account. Any excess went into the joint savings account.
The amount of ‘personal’ money we kept varied depending on what our current situation was, what our bills were like, what our savings goals were, what we were earning and so. Sometimes it was only 50quid a month, sometimes it was a lot more. But however much it was we could do whatever we liked with it without consulting the other. Which of us was earning more varied wildly over the years we were together so to us it seemed fairer that we each had the same amount of personal money to play with.
My husband and I did something like this. My employer allows me to set up as many direct deposit accounts as I want to. So I have my paycheck automatically split up into the shared bills account, my personal account, and my savings account in the right amounts, and then I don’t have to mess with it any further.
I have an unmarried partner, so our money isn’t legally joint unless we explicitly make it joint. But we do what you are describing.
We each transfer an amount proportional to income into a joint account every paycheck. I do a split on my actual paycheck where it deposits into two accounts. My partner gets his check deposited into his personal account and just transfers his amount over.
We use our joint account to pay for basically everything except for a few expenses that we have agreed to be solo expenses. We make almost the same amount of money, so the transfer amounts are about the same. We originally came up with the total amount we needed to have in joint monthly by just adding up total usual bill amounts and estimating.
Then we have a joint savings. Overages from joint checking go in there and we can also claw back the joint savings money whenever we need.
We have our larger emergency fund savings in solo accounts, separately.
Overall this system works really well for us, but, it wasn’t something we had to institute due to one of us being a reckless spender. We are both pretty frugal and in fact my partner is a mega saver.
My spouse and I have our pay deposited into a joint account and take our allowance from there. We each take the same amount as an allowance no matter who makes more or less.
This is what my husband and I do – joint account for all shared expenses, my paycheck gets deposited into my own personal account and I transfer over a set amount each month, as does he. Its not a 50/50 split right now because I’m earning more. All of our bills auto pay from the joint account, and we use the debit card for the account for things like groceries, eating out, etc. We do other transfers as needed for unexpected expenses. It took us like, 10 years of living together to finally convert to that system and its so much easier.
But the other issue seems to be your long-term savings. I dont know about the laws where you are, but where I live is considered a “community property” state. Any money made during the marriage is by default split evenly upon divorce. So you could be saving saving saving and if you guys end up splitting up he’s entitled to half by default. Of course you can agree to a different arrangement, either now (via post-nup) or upon divorce (assuming one or the other is not out for blood and going scorched earth at that point…). And if you’re not divorced then you’re essentially saving for retirement for both of you while he gets to spend. I think you guys should also come up with a retirement goal and an agreement for how you are going to get there, together. That should be part of your joint expenses. Then whatever is left over after joint expenses + savings is each of yours to spend however.
Yes. This is what my wife and I do. We sat down, made a list of all of our “joint” expenses. Rent, food, utilities, streaming services plus a buffer. We totaled, divided in half and we both make direct deposits to the account. We each have an ATM card for the shared account.
I pay the bills, she does the shopping. we compare receipts and feel good about our team work.
My husband and I have the exact set up that I think you’re looking for. We each have our own accounts where our paychecks are deposited accordingly. We then transfer our portion of the bills to the joint account when we get paid so the money is always available when the bills are due.
All of our shared bills – mortgage, electric and other utilities, auto insurance, cable, internet – are set up to pay from the joint account.
I think using your account to pay all of your shared bills opens you up to the risk of having your accounts treated as shared if you were to split. It may not matter depending on your state, but it’s still good to have clear definition between yours, his, and shared accounts.
When I was married we had our wages paid in to our own accounts and then had a SO to transfer a set amount to the joint account for our bill money
Husband added me to his account so I have access to both but he can’t access mine. His choice, his suggestion. He is of the mind that the wife should always have access and control of the money.
Scheduled transfers would be good. Or have access to all of the accounts.
My husband and I have always had mine, his, and our accounts. We’re in the US so some things may be different, but we each have our pay direct deposited i to our accounts- a set amount that covers each share of the joint bills, and the remainder goes to our individual accounts. For us, this works but you may need a different setup.
Wife and I have separate accounts where paychecks go. We also have a joint account where we each transfer a recurring set amount every month. All household expenses come out of this joint account. If somehow we go over our budget because of unexpected expenses, we both transfer an agreed upon amount to supplement, the same if we’re planning a big purchase. Worked for us so far in our 10+ years of marriage.
My husband and I have separate accounts and banks, but we divide expenses. For example, I take groceries on my account, he takes the mortgage. If he needs to stop for groceries, he’s the second card holder on my account.
My wife and I have our own accounts, and a joint account (plus a joint savings account).
For cash-flow reasons I deposit in advance 3 months of joint expenses into that joint account (plus some extra), and she transfers her share monthly. We each contribute the same amount each month to that savings account which we have earmarked for travel savings. What we each do with our leftover is our own choice.
If you want to be fancy about it you can have your employer deposit directly into that account a fixed amount from your paychecks, and the remainder to your personal account, though it can get weird if you’re on a biweekly as opposed to semimonthly pay schedule while most of the expenses are monthly.
Keep it in your account and transfer in agreed on amounts to the shared. You don’t want to lose track if someone is suddenly not contributing enough.
We both get paid into our own accounts then transfer everything but a small stipend into the joint account which covers bills and further savings come out of that Into another.
We’ve had our own accounts with a regular transfer into the joint account for bills etc (including a surplus for buffer) for over 20 years and it works well. We both have own money to spend, savings etc.
I have this exact arrangement. We have our own saving, our own separate checking, and a shared joint account. We have it arranged so our respective paychecks hit our personal accounts whenever they come in. For the shared account we are each responsible for getting our half of the bills into the share account before the bill posts. We also post an additional (pre-agreed upon) amount for fun money on the first of the month.
My spouse gets paid once a month, I’m paid biweekly.
Most places that offer direct deposit allow you to set up multiple accounts so you could say a fixed amount from each check goes into the joint account or a percentage. I’d look into that and since hubby is not great at saving, you should manage that new joint account and hopefully there’s a little savings built in for emergencies or even for a fun getaway if it accrues enough.
Our bank lets us set up our direct deposit to put a set amount into a share account, and everything else into our personal account. The leftover in the shared checking goes into a shared savings for rainy days or vacations. I manage the share accounts because I’m the type a one in the relationship. We both get emails when bills are paid, and we both have the username and password for the account. Granted, it’s a lot to have that much trust in one person. I don’t think she knows the password 90%of the time. But if one of you is already the primary financial planner, it works well.
At every place I’ve worked with direct deposit I got to specify a specific amount to multiple accounts. Is that not something you can do?
My work allows me to direct deposit to multiple accounts, so I have x amount deposited to our joint account and the rest deposited to my personal account.
Husband and I have one shared account for shared bills. We each have our own separate accounts as well. Each pay period a set amount is deposited in the shared account and the rest goes into our own accounts. I agree in that I would never want to be in a situation where I did not have a bank account that was just mine.
Yours Mine and Ours, 27 years and never have we ever had a single disagreement over money. Over taking out the trash? every week.
This bank account setup is the same thing me and my gf (11 years together) do for our bills. I direct deposit my share and she sends me hers on venmo to transfer in. We just figure out how much our shared expenses are and split our contributions based on our share of the household income.
Splitting direct deposit into shared and then whatever’s left into the personal account works well for me but it depends on if your job let’s you split direct deposit. Otherwise I think transferring in regularly from a personal account makes it easier to audit transaction history if someone forgets.
Yeah that makes perfect sense. Bills are covered, you both have your own money.
Maybe set up a joint savings too.
My partner and I do this. We both have our direct deposit split so the first $500 goes into our independent accounts and the rest goes into our shared account. The shared account funds our shared credit card we use for pretty much anything. We have a limit of what we can buy with the shared account without the others consent but if someone wants something for a hobby or a trip on their own they can use their own mondey without any asking. The independent money slowly ticks up and we both have enough that if we needed to get away for any reason we could.
We totaled our bills for six months and then averaged that amount. I pay the bills and we have our bank automatically deduct half the usual expenses from his account to mine. Having the bank handle it is so much easier.
e and my boyfriend have a seperate account each and a shared bills account that everything comes out of, on payday we both deposit the amount we need to which usually doesn’t change, with maybe a bit extra (imagine you round up) so if bigger bills come we can take money from there or add a bit more.
I wouldn’t deposit your paycheck into the shared account but set up a way that works for you that bills go straight to the account , for us it works because we usually look at our banking app on payday
This is what my spouse and I do. Works great.
Even though you split expenses and have a shared account you should still have a household budget so both understand how you spend your money, how much debt you have, etc. You don’t want any of that to be a surprise if there’s an emergency and you’re both on different pages financially.
60M here. This is exactly how my partner and I manage things, and it works well for us. The joint account is used for all our household and shared expenses, and we each have our own money to use or save as we see fit. We both put in a set amount each month. When I was earning substantially more, I paid in more. Now, our earnings are more aligned, and we pay in the same amount.
My husband and I have our own bank accounts , then a joint account for all shares expenses. We have it automatically transfer a fixed equal amount each month. Works great for us, we pay for rent, groceries, bills, date nights, etc with the joint account, then have our own seperate savings and spending.
1000% do the joint account for all shared expenses and keep your separates with an automatic transfer set up every month from each of your accounts into the shared for just what you owe. It’s what I do and it’s delightful. Paychecks into our separate accounts.
Me and hubs send $ to the joint account each month. Everything else is in our personal accounts. Married 20 years.
My wife and I have had entirely separate accounts with no shared account for nearly 20 years but we view all income as household. I pay the preauth bills like mortgage, insurance, cell phones etc and she pays the utilities and groceries etc. it isn’t down the middle every month but it’s close enough and neither one of us thinks it needs to be. We’re working together.
Mostly we do it this way because I’m a saver and she’s a spender. This way she gets to spend w/e the hell she wants on w/e the hell she wants and I can do the same. We both have work retirement plans but all my “spending money” goes into savings and investments and hers goes to quality of life stuff now. If emergencies come up, I’ve got us covered, if we want to do a vacay, we’ll split it up however it makes sense to us. This way she gets to impulse buy with a smaller portion of the overall pot without it affecting our safety net or retirement.
My wife and I discussed a joint account as we operate the exact same way. Both put money away for savings, for our son, share expenses, etc. we actually find using Zelle back and forth to be easier than have set schedule transfers. Outside of our mortgage and internet, out utilities vary every month. The only thing we use joint is a daycare account where we just deposit money every month that has an auto withdrawal with the daycare. It builds interest and it’s super convenient.
50M here.
My wife and I have independent bank accts + a joint acct for household expenses. I insisted on this before she could even ask, and found it valuable if for no other reason than we each have our own discretionary spending. She wants to brunch with friends? No problem. I want to have a couple of beers with the boys? Again, no problem. We each have our spending and can do with it as we choose. If I want a new laptop for myself, I need to budget it out of my allowance. If we need a large household purchase, we make adjustments to our contributions or shift our joint acct budget as needed.
Many direct deposit systems will let you auto-deposit fixed amounts or percentages into multiple accts. I have mine set to deposit a fixed amount into a personal savings acct first (for future needs), and then another fixed amount into my personal acct for my spending allowance. Then the remainder goes into the joint acct.
If you can only deposit into one acct, I’d personally recommend depositing both checks into joint acct and then actively transferring the allowance to personal accts. It’s honest and fair, and maintains visibility and trust. If you can both maintain it, then you can deposit them into personal accts and transfer the appropriate amount to joint. I did that with my ex and it worked fine, but we both had good financial discipline.
Ultimately, I’d say don’t overthink it. Try one, and be ready to change it if it doesn’t work.
Figuring out what the optimal personal allowance is can be tricky, especially if one doesn’t have good financial discipline, or if the two spouses have a large wage disparity (eg, if he earns way more than you, he’ll feel entitled to keep a larger portion for himself – this is a reasonable opinion and a perfectly valid solution if you both agree, though it may not be the best solution for the future of the family. Balance is key here. These days, I earn more than my wife, but I keep the same allowance because our future is more important to me than buying new technology gadgets, which is really what I’d spend it on).
When she’s out of work (or vice versa), the income earner would modify this to include a small stipend in the spouse’s acct for discretionary spending. I’ve given my wife an allowance when she’s out of work, and she’s done the same to me. Keeps us both honest with our spending and we don’t impact the family budget we want a little something for ourselves.
Absolutely get your pay deposited into your account and transfer out what you need to. You can set up recurring transfers for you both so you don’t have to think about it.
You’re married. You are not financially independent.
It’s a spouse not a roommate.
1 bank account, 3 sub bank accounts. Ours (80%), then each of you get a 10% account. What you do with your 10% should not be questioned by the other, unless it’s buying crack or something but you know what I mean.
Hard recommend to always deposit in your personal first, if it’s in the joint he could spend it before you get a chance to do anything with it. It sucks that we live in a world where people abuse others’ trust, but we do.
I would continue to keep money separate because you’re a saver, and he isn’t yet. And I would encourage him to see a financial advisor about starting automatic deposits into investment funds asap. Saving is a skill that he absolutely needs to be taught before it’s too late.
Why are you coupling with someone who is financially illiterate?