Location: Illinois, USA
Hi all – disclaimer: I feel like what I did was wrong and was planning on discussing what a fair repayment option was once we were in mediation this summer. We had agreed to wait until summer because I was working on getting a new job and relocating to where he moved for work (as we are committed to both living near our kids while they’re young).
My ex moved out in late December 2024. We kept saying that we would separate our finances in Feb, due to our landlord cashing our checks late (4-6 weeks after they were due generally). That never happened. Both of our paychecks were deposited into the same account until a couple of weeks ago.
I finally had all my finances sorted by the end of April to separate and I am sure I spent some of “his” money by then… I had a hard time keeping track. It got up to probably around $2k of his money. I have been to anxious to actually count it up. Like I said, I know it’s wrong.
I had gotten my first paycheck with my new job and I was ready to pay back what I thought I owed (literally the day before I planned to go to him to offer it) and he had me served with divorce papers and told me to talk to his attorney for anything further regarding our marriage, assets, or the kids.
I haven’t asked him about the money directly, and other than asking why he chose to do it this way, I haven’t asked anything specifically. All he has said that it’s what is best for our kids.
How will this get divided up? How will the amount I owe him get determined? We both work. He makes more than I do (about $15k more per year including bonuses). I don’t make that much for a single mom in a HCOL area.
I am still consulting with attorneys and need to hire one. He also has a $1.5M trust fund and his parents pay all of his bills. I have nothing aside from my own income. He had complete access to the joint checking and never said anything about the money spending when we were separated. I think his parents found out and are the ones behind pushing for lawyers (who they are paying for with the trust). The money I could be paying him back with is now going to be spent on attorney fees. And then some because he’s going after majority time with our kids and I won’t go down without a fight.
Anyway, I know I am not right but I’m also worried about what this all could look like. Thanks. I will def talk to my lawyer once I hire one.