I (21F) am so tired. I’m 1 year post partum and am having so many fights with my husband(21M). For the first 2 months after my daughter was born, my husband was taking a class to become a casino dealer and working. He was home for an hour between the two jobs, then was home to sleep. I think he was gone a total of 16 hours. After the class ended and he was able to work 1 job, it did get a lot better, but was still primarily me as I full time breastfed.
I missed one semester of college and resumed the next. It was a nice break from being a mom, but still a lot of work. She refused a bottle (we tried every one from the store and none worked) so I’d rush home after my classes and internship.
I’m now in the summer semester and doing 15 credits online.
My husband works nights 6pm-2am during the week day and 8pm-4am on the weekend. Due to this, she only sleeps with me at night. She won’t for him.
He sleeps anywhere from noon-5pm during the day, depending on the shift and how many times I woke him up to help with our daughter (1).
Tonight, I had a pretty massive fight with my husband and suckily, I don’t really have a friend group anymore, so here I am venting to strangers on the internet.
Anyway, I haven’t been feeling well the last 3 days. I’ve told him this the last 2 and mentioned it again while making dinner today. He didn’t say anything so I asked if he would. He said, “sorry this video was interesting.” This led to the massive fight since I feel like he doesn’t listen to me and puts me on the back burner. It constantly feels like he isn’t listening, he doesn’t respond to things I say, it feels like when he’s awake he’s playing his phone games, instead of being present.
He and my grandmother are the only people I frequently talk to. I’ve tried making more friends, but people tend to cancel or want to do things without a toddler.
I brought up divorce. It doesnt feel like he actually wants to be with me. It feels like I come after everything everything and everyone. He said he doesn’t and I know he doesn’t but he doesn’t act like it.
All I want is for him to tell he I’m doing well, to give me compliments, to make me feel loved and appreciated.
I’m exhausted. I haven’t had a break since before I was pregnant and even my pregnancy was extremely rough me.
I know he’s tired and I’m by no means perfect in this relationship, at all, but I do feel like I’m putting in more than I’m receiving.
He doesn’t cook, even when I needed him to when I was at college and didn’t eat on campus due to no energy to cook and bring food and having no money for both me and him to eat while out of the house.
He cleans and does the dishes and occasionally the laundry. He takes care of our cats. He helps get our daughter to sleep during the day. It’s not like hr doesn’t do anything. Im just so tired. I don’t know how to not be so exhausted everyday.
We’re struggling with getting our daughter on solids, so I’m not yet confident in getting her babysat accept for an hour or 2 which I do get from my grandmother.
Im just exhausted and needed to rant.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (21F) am so tired. I’m 1 year post partum and am having so many fights with my husband(21M). For the first 2 months after my daughter was born, my husband was taking a class to become a casino dealer and working. He was home for an hour between the two jobs, then was home to sleep. I think he was gone a total of 16 hours. After the class ended and he was able to work 1 job, it did get a lot better, but was still primarily me as I full time breastfed.
I missed one semester of college and resumed the next. It was a nice break from being a mom, but still a lot of work. She refused a bottle (we tried every one from the store and none worked) so I’d rush home after my classes and internship.
I’m now in the summer semester and doing 15 credits online.
My husband works nights 6pm-2am during the week day and 8pm-4am on the weekend. Due to this, she only sleeps with me at night. She won’t for him.
He sleeps anywhere from noon-5pm during the day, depending on the shift and how many times I woke him up to help with our daughter (1).
Tonight, I had a pretty massive fight with my husband and suckily, I don’t really have a friend group anymore, so here I am venting to strangers on the internet.
Anyway, I haven’t been feeling well the last 3 days. I’ve told him this the last 2 and mentioned it again while making dinner today. He didn’t say anything so I asked if he would. He said, “sorry this video was interesting.” This led to the massive fight since I feel like he doesn’t listen to me and puts me on the back burner. It constantly feels like he isn’t listening, he doesn’t respond to things I say, it feels like when he’s awake he’s playing his phone games, instead of being present.
He and my grandmother are the only people I frequently talk to. I’ve tried making more friends, but people tend to cancel or want to do things without a toddler.
I brought up divorce. It doesnt feel like he actually wants to be with me. It feels like I come after everything everything and everyone. He said he doesn’t and I know he doesn’t but he doesn’t act like it.
All I want is for him to tell he I’m doing well, to give me compliments, to make me feel loved and appreciated.
I’m exhausted. I haven’t had a break since before I was pregnant and even my pregnancy was extremely rough me.
I know he’s tired and I’m by no means perfect in this relationship, at all, but I do feel like I’m putting in more than I’m receiving.
He doesn’t cook, even when I needed him to when I was at college and didn’t eat on campus due to no energy to cook and bring food and having no money for both me and him to eat while out of the house.
He cleans and does the dishes and occasionally the laundry. He takes care of our cats. He helps get our daughter to sleep during the day. It’s not like hr doesn’t do anything. Im just so tired. I don’t know how to not be so exhausted everyday.
We’re struggling with getting our daughter on solids, so I’m not yet confident in getting her babysat accept for an hour or 2 which I do get from my grandmother.
Im just exhausted and needed to rant.
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You’re not crazy for wanting some love, help, and actual attention. It’s not wrong to want your partner to see you. Doing it all without feeling seen is what drains you the most.
Your husband is going to school and working full time to support his family so he is also exhausted. You need to work with your partner instead of creating problems and acting out. Threatening to destroy your family because you don’t want to regulate your emotions will not improve your life, the life of your child, or your marriage. You need to grow up, how to act in a more mature manner, and most of all both of you need how to communicate properly. You both could benefit from learning to put yourselves in the others shoes instead of just emotionally lashing out.
He says he wants to be with you, but he spends zero quality time with you. Actions speak louder than words. It sounds more like he’s comfortable with having you around to take care of his child and home, and doesn’t want to change that. Y’all sound like you’re basically roommates at this point. 21 is so young. Too young to waste your life in someone who doesn’t value your presence in their life.
If you’re unwell, go to the doctors.