My MIL is about to visit for 12 days.. I am already stressing just thinking about it. My husband messed up big time allowing her to come for that long (we discussed broadly when she would visit but never the length, I think 7 days is the absolute maximum).
For context: we had a baby 8 months ago and have since seen MIL twice. I really thought she was nice before we had my son. She always talked a lot and didn’t listen very much but that was tolerable. But I just cannot stand her since having my baby. When they first visited at 2 months pp, she was so overbearing (would try to not give my son back when I asked, tried to sleep in his room, overwhelmed me with her unsolicited advice, talked nonstop etc.). She has not done anything outright evil to me but I just do not want to be around her and her presence stresses me out so much. She is supposedly coming to „help“ (I have paid help, I don’t need her). I am also working now (mostly from home) and my nanny is taking care of my son while I work. I still breastfeed and also feed him every meal, spend a lot of time with him so my days are quite full.. I do not need another person there to stress me out. Now my husband sort of gets it. He knows his mum is a lot. Still I don’t think he understands how much of a burden this visit is on me. He thinks I should ignore her/ just blend out things like he does. He wants „a list of things she has done wrong“ so he can tell me whether he thinks we can put a valid boundary or whether I am overreacting. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy. But if I feel this way, is it not because she did things to cause it? I don’t feel like this about anyone in my life. I am generally happy for people to spend time with baby. I don’t feel threatened or unsafe with anyone. It’s just her. And I feel like no one really gets it. You’re just supposed to play nice because she is family but these visits really have a big impact on my stress level and I honestly don’t think I can do this again..
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She can only be in your home when your husband is there to actively host HIS mother. And she should not stay more than three days.
I seriously would be so pissed off of my husband told me to “give him a list” and HE would decide if I was overreacting or if a boundary should be placed. Is your boss or your partner?
DH needs to schedule his vacation days for her visit and entertain his mother, while you continue to work those 12 days.
>He wants „a list of things she has done wrong“ so he can tell me whether he thinks we can put a valid boundary or whether I am overreacting.
That’s not how boundaries work. Boundaries are about what you’ll tolerate. Coming up with a list and saying “don’t do that” isn’t going to work.
If she brings up being there to help, you should say she’s there to help him because you’re not able to set aside time to teach her what you need.